


✵ Midnight Eyes ✵

by CheshireCatLife



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Bad Decisions, Cat/Human Hybrids, Control Issues, Cruelty, Dark Past, Depression, Discrimination, Doctors & Physicians, Electroconvulsive Therapy, Electrocution, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Isolation, Kidnapping, M/M, Medical Conditions, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Medical Torture, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Neko Dan Howell, No Money, No Smut, Out of Character, Panic, Phil Needs a Hug, Prejudice, Prison, Psychological Torture, Reunions, Romantic Angst, Running Away, Sad and Happy, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Stabbing, Starving, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 59,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9713654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheshireCatLife/pseuds/CheshireCatLife
Summary: ✵ ''why didn't you just let me go......you sound like you expected me to,,Dan, a Neko, can't stand being alone anymore. He wants to die. It was the only way to fix his problems. He doesn't realise that a friend is really all you need...unless he wants to have more than a friend. ✵





	1. Chapter 1

His ears pricked up, listening out for the tiniest piece of sound; a mouse scurrying down the street or maybe even a rat falling down another drain pipe. He just wanted to hear anything that would indicate his dinner.

Dan, wiping the mud off his human hands, curled up closer to the wall at the end of the cul-de-sac. His ears twitched as the wind howled across the dusty street, his body trembled as he wrapped his tail around himself for warmth. His black tail reflected the moonlight almost beautifully if you ignored the mud matting the fur together.

He sighed, watching the clouds of breath fade into the distance. Useless, he thought. He couldn't even catch a mouse when his life depended on it. Not that he would be able to eat it anyway, he may have been part cat but that didn't mean that he could have the same diet. His gag reflex would come into play if he even saw a mouse, let alone tried to eat one.

He bowed his head in surrender to himself, he could just starve to death- that would be easier –it wasn't as if anyone wanted him. He was just a stray Neko boy who couldn't find a master. No one had loved him nor will ever love him. He was alone in this and it would stay like that.

On weak knees, he pushed himself off the ground and whilst clinging to the wall for support, dragged himself to the empty street outside. His stomach churned from the lack of the food and the street started to bob up and down.

Dan shook his head as if to clear his vision but it only got worse. He lost his grip and fell to the pavement. He heard a crack but his body was numb, he couldn't have done any serious damage from falling- or maybe he had. His body was so fragile and malnutrition left him gaunt and corpselike.

He groaned, clutching his head. 'Stop', he pleaded aloud 'stop it!' He shouted at no one...or maybe the world. He hated the world, he hated himself. His hands found themselves in fists, slamming down on the grungy earth. 'Please!' He cried out one last time, his voice hoarse and broken. 'Please just let me die' and that was where it ended. His vision was still foggy and there was no need to hide.

At least if someone found him he could be killed immediately, like all Nekos were. But, he was scared. He didn't really want to die, somewhere deep down he was afraid to die. He was afraid to join his family and all the rest of the slaughtered Nekos. They were threats. Nekos posed a threat to human-kind, little did they know it was exactly the other way round. 

The Nekos had gone into hiding though there couldn't be more than a thousand in the world, at least five hundred of them were locked in cages at zoos or freak shows. Maybe that was what Dan was more afraid of, it wasn't death but the impending fear of being controlled. Fate was out of his hands and he hated it, he wanted control, he was a control freak for God's sake!

But none of that mattered anymore, Dan was alone and there was nothing he could do about it. He would fend for his life even if it wasn't worth living because that's what his instincts told him to do. He wasn't suicidal, he wasn't depressed, he was afraid. Anyone would be in his position and yes, maybe it hit him harder than others but he was alive and others were not, does that not say something?

Dan, with his last few breaths, smiled peacefully before falling unconscious. He was alive, and he was grateful for that.

-

Phil couldn't believe it, he was crying- again. He promised himself this would never happen again yet he let it. It pained him to see his wet fingers sparkle in the dim light of his apartment. The tears fell one at a time onto his blistered hands.

He hadn't covered the marks again, he kept forgetting. He almost wanted to show them off but knew it would cost him more than he would gain.

Phil was a complicated human being; it seemed that through all of his troubles a smile was still plastered on his face. Sometimes, it was fake, not everyone could be happy all the time but nonetheless, to the people around him, he was happy and radiated that happy to other people.

That cost him so much.

People took advantage of him. People robbed him, physically or metaphorically, it didn't matter. He still moved on with a smile on his face but one man could only take so much and he had scars to prove it.

Phil needed help but he refused to take it. He felt that help would make him fragile, venerable when it would only help. He refused to acknowledge that he was lonely...alone. He had friends sure, a lack of them, just like he had a lack of family. He relied on his mother alone to help him when she had so many problems of her own and now that he had an apartment for himself, he needed to start to be independent.

You would think at the age of 21 his life would be starting to take shape but it wasn't. He hated his job located at an office block just around the corner from his block of flats. He didn't want to work in an office nor was he qualified at what he did- which was mostly fetching coffee. He was too clumsy for even that, how was he supposed to sustain a real job?

For now, he was managing to pay rent and feed himself and that was good enough though it did mean that he seemed to be taking cold showers every day and did not have any money for Wi-Fi bills in which he was at a complete loss without.

Nonetheless, Phil was moving on with life. Even alone, he would continue as he always has. And, there was one thing he could be thankful for and that was simply living itself. He was alive, and he was grateful for that.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan felt a pain in his side, he clutched it painfully hard almost numbing the pain. It was hunger. Pure, raw, hunger. He couldn't take it anymore.

His eyes scanned the blank, grey surroundings to find nothing but the dim light shining on the food-less streets.

He groaned and brought his knees to his chest, bowing his head in defeat.

He hated this, being so useless. Nekos were supposed to be strong, the perfect hybrid of humans and cats- two strong, bold creatures.

Dan found himself struggling for breath, it was as if he was being strangled. But no, it was just his body shutting down. It could no longer sustain itself. It seemed that the only thing that kept him alive was the will to live or more likely, the fear of dying.

He shuddered, clutching his legs. 'Please, someone, save me from this hell.' He whimpered, his claws scratching at his broken skin, breaking and tearing it apart. He was, literally, tearing himself to shreds. He smiled at each drop of blood because it was the only proof that this was a reality yet it was one of the many things bringing him closer to his demise.

A tear ran lone down his cheek, he was conflicted. He sat on the line between life and death, he was too late to be saved.

No one cared for Nekos anymore. There was a one in a million chance that they would even glance at you- the likelihood of being taken in was close to none.

Dan never had hope, he was a pessimist, unable to see the good in situations. This was deemed to be the ruin of him, he had no hope to get better nor did he care to, he would die in the streets knowing he did as much as he could himself- careless of others.

It was his downfall, really, he didn't allow himself to rely on others. If he had, he was sure to have had found a home at this rate, whether it was a nice on or not. At least, if he had, he would have a roof over his head.

Dan, seeing rays of light peek out from the horizon, hesitantly he stood up and felt his legs being crushed under his weight but either way he took steps towards freedom, towards the next block of houses, all of which were still asleep- the residence at least.

The street stretched out for miles, crossing over the flat surface of Portland. What a dull place, he had lived here his whole life. He found it beautiful until he was kicked onto the streets by his former, cruel owner only a month before.

His owner didn't care about him and wanted to sell him off but after being unable to find a single buyer that would pay enough he hid him, fearing people would come after him. His paranoia got to him and he inevitably kicked Dan out and pretended to have sold him before ending himself only a month later, a pitiful ending for a cruel man.

Dan didn't mind, he was left in the same condition he had been before- alone. But now, he was starving and the hunger was driving him to insanity. It felt so contrasting to his childhood. When he was growing up, back when his parents were alive, he had led a happy life. His parents were two Nekos, beautiful and majestic with sleek black fur and tanned, smooth skin. Both of their eyes shined brown and full of life...until that light was snuffed out. His parents had been killed and his small house in the woods burnt, nothing but ashes left behind.

Dan, being less than five at the time, was left to rot in the woods that surrounded his former home.

As a Neko, it wasn't long before someone had found him for at that time, Nekos could be sold at a high price and that was exactly what his new master had tried...and inevitably failed. He had kept Dan for fifteen years and never did anyone satisfy his greed for money.

That was what had led Dan to where he was now, alone in the streets of Portland, wandering aimlessly and lost to an unknown destination. His time was coming to an end, he might as well feel free until is came.

-

Phil traced his scars with his index finger, the pale red lines across his chest bestowing a sense of dread in his stomach. He was scared, yes, Phil didn't say it often but he was scared. He didn't want it to happen again but how could he stop it?

When he had bought his house, his life had been happy and dandy. Now, it was in ruins like a ribbon torn apart singlehandedly by one man. That one man still didn't have a name, just a face. A face that would show up on Phil's doorstep, a knife in hand. A criminal that's pride was too large to ask for it. Phil, too nice for his own good, had given him money voluntarily once...then twice...then again...and it seemed that the man would be coming back for good.

Phil, on gut instinct, finally said no and in return, the man's knife had traced his stomach- not enough to do any major damage but a warning nonetheless. The scar it had left behind was faint and wouldn't last forever but it was still a grave reminder of what would happen. 

Phil wanted to go home. But, his mother wouldn't let him. She had enough on her plate and he did too. With his new dread awful job, he had to stay- the stupid contract said so.

His dreams of doing something else, anything else, had dispersed to nothing. He was left a hopeless mess just tracing his scars until he would eventually fall into a deep sleep on his tattered sofa in his dead apartment.

Phil glanced out the window to see the simple landscape of Portland. Looking down, he saw the familiar street that ran for miles, seeing only a shadow in the distance- insignificant and dull. Just a black dot on the horizon, no different from the rest.

What Phil didn't know was that he was truly and utterly wrong. That black dot on the horizon would be his saviour and it wouldn't be long until he found him, wandering past his house like a ghost, looking desperately at the houses in hopes for food.

Their lives hadn't collided...yet.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun had set, leaving a fading mist behind. The cold air warmed by Dan's breath creating clouds of smoke, swirling delicately in the sky.

Dan was rarely happy but there was something peaceful about it, something distracting. It was something so small yet so big that it could almost let Dan forget about his stomach crushing itself and how his head barely let him think. He could almost forget about his blurred vision and his pounding head. Almost.

Dan had fallen too far down to ever just forget about his problems. His life was a problem now and there didn't seem to be a solution.

Maybe it was just Dan's delirium that tricked him into believing that there were no options. There were always options, maybe he had few but that did not mean there were none.

Dan continued down the street at a slow pace only breaking from his thoughts to watch another breath float away to freedom.

He felt cursed. Cats were supposed to be such sacred creatures, worshipped throughout history...and humans, through all their troubles, were the strongest race. The predator to the prey.

Dan was a mix of both but failed to be scared nor strong. He felt a sense of injustice. He blamed himself when it was really others that should take the blame.

Sometimes he wished he had been something else, a bird: beautiful, majestic and free.

Free. Free to fly away from a godforsaken, awful place rather than be stuck in a never-ending loop of misery back on the ground.

Because, no matter what, humans were above you if you were on the ground.

With humans, it didn't matter if you were the target or not, you would somehow gain an injury- mental or physical.

Dan could make a long list as to what was wrong with humans but he tried not to think about it. He had been on the wrong side of injustice and it was too late to turn back time.

The street seemed to expand as he looked down it, he felt like he had been walking for hours when it couldn't have been longer than minutes. His body was weak, unable to move naturally. It felt forced and unnatural as if he a puppet being held by taught strings, dragging him back, willing him not to move.

The apartment on his right lit up, the lights illuminating the shadows concealing him. Dan backed away, fearful of being revealed. He had no ability to hide his tail nor his ears. He wasn't concealed, he was out in the open- and he was scared.

Phil, on the other hand, had just switched the light on, giving up on sleep at the clock struck twelve. Midnight... he would be around. Phil took slow steps towards the door, unlocking it quietly. He sat on the doorstep hoping that a beating wouldn't be on the man's agenda for the night.

He had a twenty-dollar bill in his pocket, ready to hand over. Well, ready wasn't exactly the right word, he was the opposite of ready to see the man who had scarred his body cut by cut.

Then it became clear that the shadow was not tall enough to be a man, maybe a child or a pre-teen. What was that? It had...ears? A tail...it was a Neko. After a minute of concentration, Phil saw it loud and clear.

Nekos were rare and were only talked about in the confines of one's own home, taboo in the outside world. Phil leant forward, squinting, his only light coming from a small window which only seemed to deepen the shadows swirling around him.

The figure turned, facing him. It was like a skeleton. Its bones poked out of its chest, his shirt was torn to pieces and his tail more like a rat's than a cat's.

'Are you okay?' Phil whispered, wanting to get closer but stayed still in fear of it leaving. Phil was fascinated but he was also wary and loving, giving space was his speciality- it seemed to be what led everyone away in the end.

The Neko boy, or at least that was what Phil assumed, simply stared at him, wide-eyed- wide-eyed and fearful. 'It's okay.' Phil quirked his lips up into a half-smile as if to comfort the small looking boy. The Neko shook his head and took a step back. 'Don't be afraid.' Phil put on his best smile and put his hand out as a sign of trust, just as if the boy was simply and only a cat, though he was so much more.

The Neko sighed quietly and took a step forward, his eyes were wide with fear but something deep inside was pleading. His stomach rumbled as if on timing and Phil smiled once again. 'Do you want me to give you some food.' The Nekos ears pricked up and a smile spread across his face which was quickly dismissed by fear once again. He sadly shook his head and tears welled in his eyes which he blinked away.

Phil was confused. Why would this Neko boy not accept food? He was starving, was he not? 'How about you tell me your name.' Phil smiled even wider, if that was possible, and leant back against the uncomfortable stairs.

'D-Dan.' The Neko wheezed as if he hadn't used his voice in weeks, which would be no surprise. Phil smiled. 'I'm Phil.' He cheered but didn't hold his hand out to shake, this boy was too afraid to even accept food when starving, he sure wasn't going to shake his hand. He wondered why had even said his name.

'Are you sure you don't want to come in and have some food? I could even bring it out here if you want...but it is rather cold.' Phil was met with silence and the Neko just staring at him with scared, shocked eyes.

'I'm fine. I'm not hungry.' There was no trace of the truth there, not just his words but the way he said them. He meant the opposite but Phil couldn't object, he would never force someone to do what he wanted. He had gone through that too much himself.

'Ok...I'll see you soon!' He called out as the Neko ran away, or tried to, its legs were barely enough to hold him up. Phil sighed and waited for the man to come. The ten dollar bill still in his back pocket.


	4. Chapter 4

Phil was stressed. Nothing more and nothing less. Work had been dull, repetitive and he was unable to keep his eyes open as he did the easy task over and over again. Working in an office really wasn't what he imagined but it got him the money, enough to pay the guy and get at least some food on the side whilst his mother paid for the apartment with the money from her second job.

Despite Phil's protests, his mother would always do what was best for him and not for her so for now, he was stuck in a dank apartment, which he was grateful for, with flickering lightbulb and the scary house plant in the corner that seems to the only thing alive that doesn't look dead.

Phil stood outside the door of the apartment, fumbling around for his keys. That's when he heard a growl, not aggressive but tired, weak, maybe even sad. That was when a small Neko appeared from the alleyway running beside his house, Dan.

'Food.' He murmured, clutching his stomach. Dan couldn't do it anymore, the pain was unbearable and it was clear that he wasn't far from death. His skin was white and his fur was turning grey, his eyes had lost their light and his whole body was encased in mud.

Phil smiled, though, at the simple thought of helping this boy out. He hated suffering, whether it himself or someone else. 'Come inside.' He gestured inside as soon as he put the key in the lock, twisting the handle to reveal an undecorated, dirty corridor.

Dan hesitantly made his way in, Phil following behind him. 'I'm on the third floor.' Phil stated, pressing the button for the elevator. Dan looked at it, confused. 'Have you never seen an elevator before?' Phil laughed but Dan nodded causing Phil's mouth to hang open. 'Wow.' He murmured.

Dan had been through a lot and Phil hadn't expected that he hadn't even seen simply things such as an elevator.

'Come on.' Phil said as Dan didn't move and the elevator doors opened. Dan looked in nervously and timidly took steps into it.

It was just a metal box, why were they in a metal box?

Then, Phil pressed a button and they were moving upwards. Despite the grimy look and the shaking the elevator seemed to be doing, Dan was amazed.

The box was moving, boxes can't just move. 'We're here.' Phil stated, grabbing onto Dan's arm, to which he flinched away, and brought him to his front door.

The lock was wonky and the key was jammed inside. Phil didn't care much for his privacy anymore. Inside it looked clean though unkempt as Dan found himself inside. The corridor was small and only had three doors inside. One led to the kitchen that was attached to the living room, the other a bedroom- one bedroom- and the other, the bathroom.

The whole apartment had a serene feel to it. All was still, all was quiet. 'You need something to eat.' Phil stated, his voice still monotone and quiet but still caring, Dan was unsure of how he did it.

He led Dan to the door on the left, the living room and kitchen, and got to work on making some pasta with tuna on top, one of Dan's old favourites when his parents had cooked for him.

Dan smiled, a sorrow smile but nonetheless the first time his lips had even turned a little in so long. Dan, waiting patiently, gazed out the window. It seemed that from this side of the apartment you could see the whole forest.

It was a view not many would enjoy seeing- a spooky and gloomy forest ran for miles, no light hitting the dull tree. For Dan, it was pure beauty. He loved nature, despite his tendency to stay inside, and just the thought of being in the forest again made his lips quirk up just a tad more.

'Foods ready.' Phil called out and sighed but set the plate in front of Dan who immediately grabbed a fork, not wanting to look too disgusting despite his appearance, and ate it all in record time. He looked over at Phil with a delighted look on his face. He was in a stranger's house but just the thought of food distracted him from all of that- the man's smile too: it was genuine.

Phil, on the other hand, did not look anywhere near as happy. 'Are you okay?' Dan murmured, afraid to speak to this new found human. Phil nodded and sighed again.

'Just a stressful work day.' Dan nodded, not really seeing how work could make someone so drained. It had taken almost starving to death to get this point, did the man not appreciate that he could work?

Dan shook the thought off, knowing that Phil's problems were his and didn't need to be compared to someone else's, not matter the contrast. 'I should get going then, you need to sleep. Don't let the stress get to you.' Dan smiled as a way of thanking him and rushed out of his seat, ignoring his minds pleas to ask for more.

'Leaving! You can't. I can't let you go back onto the streets.' Phil looked shocked at the Neko. Even after feeding it, it didn't accept his offers of a roof to stay under with three meals a day.

'It's OK. I'm used to it.' Before Phil could say a word, Dan had rushed down out of the door and before Phil even made his way to the door, Dan was at the bottom of the stairs, searching the street outside for a place to stay.

With a full stomach and a sorrowful smile on his face, Dan found an abandoned alley and sat in it, wondering why he couldn't just accept this man's help. Actually, he did know why. It was fear, fear of the past repeating itself. He had no reason to be afraid, he could see in this man's eyes that he was kind and Dan had been known to be a good judge of character.

Dan leant his head against the brick wall and wrapped his tail around himself for warmth, as if that even helped, and closed his eyes, willing sleep to take over him.


	5. Chapter 5

Phil left for work early in hopes to avoid the man he himself had avoided last night. He would be fine, he hoped, if he paid double to amount usual plus extra to make up for not being there but there was something in his gut telling him that would not be the case and the man would somewhat hurt him as revenge.

Phil was afraid but had no choice but to go to work in that dull grey office buildings with few windows or lights. 

The walk was dull, the day was overcast and Phil himself felt like a heavy weight was atop of him. Phil felt that weight press further down and wishing he would simply sink into the ground, he had arrived at work and he had his whole day ahead of him still.

-

Dan huddled by the wall, shivering. The temperature had dropped drastically and he couldn't help but wish for a blanket or even a scarf. Instead, Dan was left bare with only a loose T-Shirt covering him like a dress. His tail was as cold as ice and his ears were folded over, hidden under his hair.

His fingers were lightly tinted blue, frozen and numb. The day had only just begun but he felt as if it were coming to end, maybe it was something else that was coming to an end. Dan wouldn't be surprised. If anything, he was surprised that he was still alive. He guessed it was all because of Phil. He was thankful of Phil but there was something in his gut that told him he would be better off dead. Better off because he wouldn't be stuck in this icy city in late February.

Dan couldn't help but want to leave the world behind as he did before. He wanted to close his eyes and go to sleep and never wake up. No matter how scared he was of death, it would always be an escape- that was undeniable.

Dan felt that familiar pang in his stomach, the pang of hunger. He didn't believe it had come back so quickly. He slammed his hand down onto his stomach as if the pain would take away the pain the lack of food was causing him. Of course, that is not how the body worked but Dan, in his state of distress, repeatedly slammed his fist down onto his barely covered stomach wishing for a better life...or death.

Dan was irascible at the thought of death. He didn't want to appear weak yet every man, woman or Neko he met seemed to peer at him with large, curious eyes before retreating into a bubble of fear and gave him one last fearful glance before hurrying along the street faster than they had before.

Dan wanted to abscond this world yet his feet were wedged in the mud, paralysing him. Dan felt that familiar fatigue he felt as his stomach growled an animalistic cry. Dan merely shut his eyes and cupped his hands together, tucking them between his legs to trap the heat and wished for sleep to take over him. Maybe he wouldn't wake up, who knew what hypothermia could do. That was a lie and he knew it. Hyperthermia did the one thing humans feared most: kill...it killed.

-

When Phil finished work it seemed like his job was becoming irrevocable. He lumbered home with his briefcase hitting his thigh with a harsh thud each time he took another his step. His eyes were solemn and fallen, the black circles under his eyes prominent under the harsh sunlight that was appearing in the afternoon sky.

Phil, much to his distress, had been forced to take a different route home today in hopes of avoiding a persistent co-worker who didn't seem to take no for an answer. All the other office workers knew that asking Phil to join the 'gang' as they called it and come out for drinks would end with a sigh and a quiet but polite rejection but this guy didn't seem to have learnt that and only a week into his job, Phil had already told him no six times.

Phil had learnt that the best way to go through life was to be kind but not too kind. Lend a hand when needed but don't do it enough that people rely on you. Give a smile when someone needs it but never keep it on your face.

Throughout the years, Phil's smile was lost through events that he wished had never occurred but the past was the past and there was no avoiding that. A concept was a concept and breaking one wasn't exactly a possible task in many situations.

So, Phil buried his past and began a new future. And look at him now, his face gaunt and his body frail, being blackmailed by a man he had simply shown kindness to. A single act of kindness had ruined him- no one had ever told him that.

A single act of kindness was also what would bring light to his life. Of course, he wouldn't know that yet- no human has the ability to see what the future holds. With the thought of kindness on his mind, he heard a single breath. It wasn't brash nor was it silent. It was a harsh intake of air that only someone with deficient lungs could make out...or someone who had been in the cold all day.

Phil, mustering the courage to walk down the abandoned alleyway, approached the noise. This was the worst decision of his life, he decided. He was scared out of his mind, he could more noises on both sides, each coming for the open streets on both ends of the alley.

That was when he saw the source of the noise, an all too familiar source. 'Dan?' Phil whispered into the darkness, the sun blocked by a disconsolate brick wall. 'Dan?' Phil called out again, the young Neko boy coming into clear view- illuminated by a swinging lantern that he thought he only saw in movies.

When he came face to face with the boy, he saw his condition. His face was as cold as ice as Phil passed his fingers across it, his hair like a brick and nothing to wear but the long t-shirt he had been wearing the night before.

With a heavy sigh, Phil contemplated what he would do. There was no possible conclusion that would not involve helping Dan but some minor part of his mind wanted to ignore the Neko and fix his own problems but Phil had a large heart and couldn't help but scoop the Dan into his arms, letting his head fall heavily onto his shoulder, and continue his walk home, avoiding the eye contact of the curious onlookers.

They reached the door without any problems albeit an old woman asking if the boy was okay. Phil was glad that his ears seemed to retracted, or simply hidden themselves, as no one questioned of the boy's origin. Phil sighed again, to which he seemed to be doing more often, and brought Dan inside.

He entered the empty elevator and make his way quickly to his door, unlocking it with surprising ease and running into his bedroom. He lay Dan onto his bed, not giving a care to the dirt Dan was obviously enveloping the sheets in and brought the covers up to his neck. He found a pile of blankets in a basket in the corner and spread a few across Dan before heating a hot water bottle and placing it gently on Dan's forehead, trying not to discomfort him.

'I better not regret this.' He muttered as he left the room, having nothing to do but wait for Dan to wake up. Phil knew Dan would have a lot to say when he woke up but he didn't care about the consequences. He had just saved Dan's life...if he even did make it out of that state.

Phil suddenly looked behind him before standing and approaching the bedroom. He stared at the sleeping Dan to find his chest barely rising and falling. With a panicked expression, Phil ran to Dan, still not waking him up, and tried to take in the extent of his injuries.

He would wake up...wouldn't he?


	6. Chapter 6

 

Dan's eyes peeled open to reveal an unusual environment. He was flushed and warm under soft blankets that made him sure that he was no longer where he fell asleep. 'You're alive!' An unexpected voice called out, running towards him and wrapping his arms around him as if they had been friends for years.

Dan squealed and moved away, covering himself with the plush blankets. 'Sorry! I didn't mean to frighten you.' A look of panic passed over his face but was soon replaced with a smile as he saw Dan's improving condition.

'Why am I here?' Dan asked, glancing around at the familiar room. It was Phil's bedroom and it seemed he had fallen asleep in his bed. 'Why am I in your bed?!' He screeched, trying to make his way off it but Phil placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and led him back to the bed.

'You're weak, Dan, you need to stay put.' Dan nodded meekly and watched as Phil pulled the blankets over his chest again. 'I'll get you some food...and no running away this time.' Dan sighed, thinking over the risk of leaving Phil's apartment right now.

Phil was a nice man, you could not deny that, but people kept secrets and Dan wasn't one to stay around and find them out. He would rather leave with memories of happiness than leave with more memories but the good and the bad mixed together like a disgustingly untasteful painting.

'Why won't you just let me go.' Dan murmured as Phil reached the doorway. Phil turned, a strained look on his face.

'I like to think I can help someone...if only for a short time.' He smiled gently and left the room, presumably to the kitchen and Dan lay on the soft mattress and let himself relax before he would be forced onto the streets again. He could stay a day, if even that, to satisfy Phil's need to care for him and then he could go back to his old life: trusting himself and no one else.

He waited five more minutes before Phil entered the room with a piping bowl of soup in his hands. 'I put fish in it...I heard Nekos like that.' Dan nodded, taking the soup graciously, pondering at why this man hadn't turned him in as a Neko yet.

That was what was most curious about the situation. Any man on this earth would sell a Neko for a large amount of money it would give them yet Phil had been nothing but hospitable and kind since he had arrived and never, before this point, had he ever mentioned about Dan's species.

As Dan began to dig into the soup, Phil eyed his clothing realising he was still wearing the stained, over-sized t-shirt from the other day. 'Do you have no other clothes?' Phil asked as Dan had another spoonful of soup.

Dan shook his head and shrugged, he didn't want any more clothes he was happy in what he had now- it may look ragged but it was comfortable at least. 'I'm getting you clothes!' Phil announced and rushed to his wardrobe, trying to find the smallest item of clothing that he could. In the end, he found a pair of jogging bottoms and a crop top that he had been given as a joke birthday present a few years back.

Dan gave him an odd look but he held up the black pair and threw them at him. 'I'll leave you to get changed.' He smiled and left the room before Dan had even found the words to say no.

Dan sighed, realising that the least he could do was get changed in exchange for what Phil had given him. Dan stood up when the door flung open again. Dan flinched when Phil's beaming face appeared in the doorway.

'I forgot! You should have a shower first. It'll be cold...but it'll get you clean.' Phil smiled and Dan couldn't help but wonder how a man in his situation could be so happy. Dan simply shrugged it off, trying not to delve too far into the feelings of others whilst he was trying to remain distant and uncommitted.

Dan timidly followed Phil to the bathroom, feeling as if he owed him still for doing this. Phil was naïve to this and believed that Dan really did want his help which was all that was leading him to do this. He didn't seem to think that running away meant that he didn't want the help.

Phil did the same as he did with the clothes and left Dan in the bathroom alone. Luckily, Dan was not dim enough to not know how to use a shower and jumped in immediately, staring distastefully at his thin body.

He scrubbed himself dry, the water far past cold by now. Dan hated the feeling of water on his body but put up with it as he tried scraping away the mud from his fur.

It wasn't long before he was finished and out of the shower, slipping on the clothes that fit surprisingly well. Although the trousers were very long, they could be rolled up. Dan, being a Neko, was naturally short but for a Neko, he was freakishly tall and reached five foot and five inches whilst most only just passed five foot or less.

Dan unlocked the door and peered into the corridor, empty. He scoured the apartment and found Phil in the kitchen, cooking even more food. 'Don't worry about cooking. It's expensive.' Dan's voice was monotone and hoarse; it wasn't often he talked. He never talked, in fact, unless it was to Phil.

'You need food, Dan. I don't care how much it takes out of my wallet.' He made his point simply by motioning at Dan. Dan looked down at himself and recoiled in disgust, that was enough for the point to set in.

'Why do this for a Neko?' Dan blurted, his thoughts finally being spoken aloud.

'Nekos should be treated no differently. That is something I stand by.' Phil looked stubborn in that moment and Dan couldn't help but think it was cute. The thought alone sent butterflies to his stomach and he quickly pushed them away and resorted back to his impassive self, despite the emotions swirling inside himself.

It had been a long day so Dan and Phil sat down on the couch eating the fish Phil had cooked and talked until darkness fell just for the sake of talking. Dan didn't want to get close but he missed having someone to talk to. He was desperately lonely and no matter how much he wanted to not trust this man, he couldn't help it.

He was becoming close to this man and it wouldn't be long until his old world all came crashing down.


	7. Chapter 7

Phil left for work early in the morning after giving Dan a bowl of cereal, learning that Dan didn't only like fish. Dan, therefore, was left alone in the apartment to do as he wished. Unfortunately, there wasn't much entertainment around but Dan was fine with that- it wasn't as if the streets was any better.

He was still scheming to get away from this place. He hated the burden he was putting on Phil and despite his gratefulness for the help, Dan couldn't repay him and if he couldn't repay him then there was no way in the world that Dan would let Phil care for him.

Dan had already grown too attached, too fond of the man. He had made a friend.

That was the worse decision of his life, in his mind. He had promised himself that he would never be in contact with another human.

He had failed himself, he had made a friend. Although he didn't know that now, despite his own thoughts, it was good for him- this would be his chance to escape loneliness.

He would never accept that, though. He refused that someone could care for him because he had never felt that before. He had never been cared for nor had he ever cared for anyone else. His parents, though, were a different thing altogether.

His parents were his family. He loved them unconditionally but that never meant they cared for him. Well, he had never seen them care for him.

Dan often thought too deeply and in his situation, he over-thought the situation to the point where he believed that even his own parents didn't care for him.

He had so many people throughout his life that had cared for him but he had just as many pass him by, abandon him- more even. That was what had led to the lack of trust. People had tried helping over time but every time he would leave or they would attempt to sell him to the highest bidder.

He was sick of it and if it meant living alone his entire, short life then he would gladly stay away from any being, human or otherwise.

Dan focused his eyes on the room around him and found himself sitting in the middle of the corridor, staring at the bland, chipping wall by the door. He stood, not having much feeling in his legs, and approached the door mindlessly- his movements robotic and expected.

He had to leave. This was his chance. His hand found itself on the door handle and he twisted it gently, letting himself out. He was still in Phil's clothes but had no desire to change, if Phil wanted to help then he should be happy that Dan took any.

Dan pushed himself down the stairs with the little strength he had and made his way into the icy world out the outdoor.

The air hit him like a knife as it sliced at his exposed skin. He shivered but smiled at the familiar sensation of the cold- this meant freedom, no matter the price of that freedom. He was nervous but he craved the elated feeling of being away from humans again.

He buried his hands into his pockets, trying to keep his hands warm, when his fingers came into contact with a small piece of paper.

Dan pulled the paper out, studying it. It was ten dollars. Dan smiled, not even thinking of keeping it for when he needed food again, and ran to the closest café that Phil often talked about.

He hadn't been to a place like that in years. He retraced his ears, making him feel weak and dizzy but it was worth it all for the aroma he got when he stepped inside. The blend of coffee and chocolate caused his stomach to growl loudly.

Dan, still smiling widely, approached the counter and ordered a hot chocolate, something he had never drunk once in his life. He had heard the sweet taste was unforgettable and he was surprised to see he paid less than half the money to have one.

If something was so good, why was it so cheap? He ignored his confusion and was just glad for the fact that he had enough money to pay for some food later. Maybe this could let him live for just that bit longer. Dan had so much to do in such little time. His life was a timer that was nearing zero and there wasn't much he could do about it now. Phil would soon notice Dan's absence and wouldn't bother to find him again.

But, he found him last time, did he not?

It all rushed to Dan as he took his first sip of the steaming drink in front of it, amazed by the surge of happiness he felt as he drank it, and the front door opened.

Dan glanced around to see the café empty apart from the man who had just entered. Dan heard heavy breaths coming from the man as he looked around and his eyes fell on Dan. Dan finally looked up at the man and met his gaze, Phil. 'Dan!' He shouted, running up to him and pushing him down on the chair with tremendous speed.

'I've been looking for you everywhere!' He panted. 'You weren't at home nor were you in the alley. I was sure I'd lost you.' Tears filled Phil's eyes and Dan couldn't understand why. Why did Phil care so much? Was it for the money? Was it because he cared? Of course, it wasn't because he cared, at least, that was what Dan believed.

Dan believed a lot of things and with a lack of education and trust, many of his ideals, morals and thoughts as a whole were false.

'Let's just go home.' He sighed, taking Dan's hand and pulled him from his seat. Dan shook his head frantically, trying to pull away from Phil. 'What's wrong?' Phil asked, turning to look down at the Neko boy. 'And what happened to your ears?' He asked in a hushed voice, careful that the barista didn't overhear.

'Talk. Elsewhere.' Dan's voice was covered by the large rattle of the coffee machine and his usually hush tones didn't help. Dan was often docile but with his energy being sapped away as he focused on keeping his ears in and only caused him to lose most of his fight.

He went back to the table, picking up the hot chocolate and holding it in his hands and led Phil out of the shop, ready to explain what was wrong.

Dan couldn't, though, he was too afraid. Too afraid of death. He realised, that in that moment, that if he left then and there, there was no hope for his survival. He needed to fight and maybe living with Phil was the way to do it.

Dan would practise at keeping his ears in and he would get himself a job. He would pay Phil back and he wouldn't grow too attached.

The list went on but when they stepped into the biting frost and decided to go back to the apartment, Dan didn't care at how much effort he would have to put in. He would do it for his survival.

Not only that, he would do it for Phil.


	8. Chapter 8

'Breakfast is ready!’ Phil called out to Dan who was now lounging in front of the TV, which was stuck on static- again.

‘Coming.’ Dan murmured, still coming to terms with hearing his own voice. He had no use for it for so long that it seemed inconvenient to have to use it so often.

Dan reached the kitchen and sat at the breakfast bar, for lack of an actual table, and dug into the small bowl of scrambled eggs he had been given.

His voice wasn't the only thing he was getting used to, having three meals a day was also very new. He was glad, he could not deny that, but he had often felt sick due to eating more than his stomach would allow.

It was becoming clear that Dan was a good junkie but after having a lack of food for so long, his stomach could not hold the extensive amounts of crisps in his stomach,

Dan had tried to tone down his diet, for Phil’s and his sake. Phil would give Dan anything he wanted, including the crisps, if he just asked for it but Phil’s paychecks did not cover the money he spent on Dan.

Phil hadn't taken into account the costs of living with another being, human or otherwise.

‘Dan, what do you want for lunch whilst I'm at work?’ Phil asked, scouting the fridge for any reheatable leftovers.

‘I don't need lunch, I'll be fine.’ Dan stated between bites. Phil sent him a glare.

‘You need food, Dan. I won't let you live like you did before.’ Phil argued, pulling out a lasagne from a night or two ago that looked edible.

‘Here.’ He pushed the bowl to Dan. ‘Heat that up whilst I'm gone. I'll get some more food on the way home.’ Dan nodded, not sure what he could say to stop this.

‘Phil.’ He began, still scouring his mind for a way to put this that would not upset Phil. Phil had become sensitive to Dan’s attempts at leaving the household and told Dan many times that he blamed himself for him leaving, to which Dan denied excessively.

‘You need to stop spending money on me.’ Dan sighed, looking up at Phil, giving him a pitying look.

Phil looked at Dan, his face masked with confusion. ‘Dan, it isn't much. I can't let you onto the streets again!’ He argued, leaning against the counter, his face timid- he knew that the amount he was spending on Dan was small. In fact, the amount he was spending, was more than double what he had been spending before.

But, Phil couldn't let Dan starve again- it would kill him. He had made a friend- one of few- and he scared for Dan, enough to take care of him. ‘Yes, it is, Phil. I can’t let you do this for me.’ Dan begged, his ears flattening as a look of resignation came over his face. ‘I’ll just have to leave and force you to stop spending your money on me if you continue like this.’

Phil stared at Dan, wide-eyed and fearful. Dan had just threatened to run away. He didn’t just leave, he didn’t leave to help Phil, he was threatening him.

‘How can you even say that?! I’m caring for you, aren’t I? Don’t you dare threaten me. I will spend as much money as I would like on you and that is final.’ Phil shouted, leaving in a hurry, slamming the door behind him and in the time it took him to leave for work, Dan still hadn’t moved. He had flinched at Phil’s words but had no energy to move from his paralysed state.

Dan had just messed up, big time. He had said the wrong words at the wrong time, as he always did, and he had ruined a perfectly respectable conversation. He could have been kind; he could have urged his point gently until Phil gave in. Instead, he threatened him. He bloody threatened him.

Dan had managed to get Phil to flee from his own home. Phil still had an hour before the office even opened, longer until his shift started, but he had left and Dan was now alone. Dan was hating himself. There was no other way to put it. Dan had messed up his life again. But, how could Dan believe that it was himself who messed up his life to begin with?

Dan had had a complex life full of twists and turns. His life had danger around every corner and he had a constant looming threat above him. For every person who was out to get him, there was a cloud in the sky- maybe even more.

Dan swung his legs around, turning his body to escape the chair. He jumped off the stool, fairly short for much of the furniture, especially because of Phil’s height. Dan meandered meaninglessly around the apartment before settling on the sofa to continue watching the static on the screen.

Dan was lost in his own thoughts and he had no will power to do anything else nor did he have anything productive to distract himself with. He had promised himself he wouldn’t leave Phil and despite their recent argument, he knew Phil would be back but what he was unsure of was what was in store for him.

Sure, Dan trusted Phil but with his past, even the most minor actions could have the most major of consequences. A broken cup could lead to a scar on your back or a rip in the sofa, a patch of bare skin where the hair had been pulled out.

Suddenly, Dan was fearing for his life. He began to tremble, not thinking logically in the simple situation. The fear was slowly forming into paranoia and the trembles were becoming shakes. A panic attack had hit him and he knew he wouldn’t be free of this for a while so he simply sat, tears pooling his eyes, wishing for the shaking to stop.

He didn’t realise that Phil would never hurt him. He didn’t know that Phil was now trembling at his desk, thinking of ways to apologise. He didn’t know that this was all for nothing.

He was safe, he would never have to worry again with Phil by his side.


	9. Chapter 9

Phil trudged back from the office, a grave look on his face. He couldn't think of how he could make it up to Dan. Dan had had a rough past and Phil had just gone and shouted at him for little more than Dan advising him in the way that he needed. Soon enough, the money in his pocket would be gone but only if he continued on as he had been. If not, Phil could keep enough money to run the house and look after Dan to the extent he needed.

The apartment loomed over Phil as if a warning not to enter but this was Phil's home and no matter how much he already cared for Dan, he wouldn't leave just because another man was there. He stalked up the stairs and pushed the door open gently. Dan was nowhere in sight. He hadn't been in the bedroom or the corridor, where he usually was. Phil then peered into the joint kitchen, living room to see Dan curled in a tight ball on the sofa. He had tears streaming down his cheeks in waves and his small body was trembling lightly.

'Dan!' Phil panicked, running to his side, wiping the tears away. 'I'm so sorry.' He brought Dan to his chest, Dan being able to tuck in perfectly due to his height. 'How long have you been like this, Dan?' Phil asked, scanning his body to see blatant signs of a panic attack.

Dan, finally looking up at Phil, shook his head. 'Don't be sorry; this is my fault.' His voice cracked and Phil brought him closer to his chest, cradling him like a baby. Phil stroked Dan's hair from his wet face, trying to comfort him but he was unsure of what to do.

'Truce?' He asked, smiling, pulling away slightly to see Dan. Dan nodded, his cheeks flushed and his eyes puffy. 'Truce.' Dan replied, knowing he had already forgiven Phil. Phil didn't realise what he had done or maybe he did. Dan couldn't know that. Either way, they had now called a truce and they had forgiven each other and they could only hope that they would hold together.

'You've been too kind to me.' Dan stuttered, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He looked down at his shirt, 'I've even stained this t-shirt.' He sighed, self-hatred evident in his eyes. Phil looked down at Dan's top to see the black t-shirt with a bright white circle on it that he never wore. 'It's yours now, anyway. I'm sure you don't mind a tear stain or too. It's very unlikely to leave a permanent mark.' Phil reassured, bringing Dan back to his chest missing the already familiar closeness they had.

It was hard to think that they had only known each other a few days. Phil had practically given up his life for Dan and Dan had given up his security for Phil- or maybe he didn't, at least, he gave Phil to benefit of the doubt that he wouldn't hurt him.

There was sudden knock on the door only a few moments later and Phil shot from my seat. 'I forgot!' He called out, his eyes wide with shock. 'Do you mind staying in the bedroom and entertaining yourself. I'm afraid that they won't take so well to a Neko as I do.' Phil panicked but Dan just smiled.

'Thanks for thinking of me.' Dan reassured and rushed off to the bedroom to not only clean himself up but sleep a bit. The shaking had worn him out and his eyelids were already heavy.

Phil, whilst Dan went, rushed to the door and pulled it open still in his work clothes- a simple white, with blue stripes, shirt and some simple brown work trousers. At the door was Troye, Tyler, Zoe and Cat. They bustled in without so much of a 'come inside' but Phil was used to it by now, they came round often. Despite his apartment being the worst, it was the closest to all of them. Troye and Tyler were roommates who only lived a street away and Zoey lived a five-minute walk whilst Cat's house was only about a minute longer but they all lived in different directions so that meant from some of their houses to the others it could take up to half an hour.

'I haven't seen you in so long!' Zoe squealed, going on her tiptoes to be able to hug Phil comfortably. Troye and Tyler both sent Phil a smug smirk, it was overt that they wanted Phil and Zoe to get into a relationship. 'I missed you, Phil.' Cat smiled and brought Phil into a lot gentler hug and let go rather quickly to join the two boys in the living room.

They all stared at the static screen and peered at Phil curiously. 'It hasn't worked for a while.' He stated, sighing, sitting next to them on the sofa. It wasn't as if they were going to watch TV anyway but it would have been nice for not everything to be broken. 'How have you been?' Troye spoke, his Australian accent thick. Phil just shrugged and leant his head back, staring at the ceiling. 'Work is as usual.' He stated, fiddling with his fingers. The others gave him pitying looks but said nothing, they couldn't do anything about it anyway.

Tyler stood up. 'We need coffee!' He announced going to the kitchen but, unfortunately, he didn't know the apartment as well as the others and ended up opening the door to the bedroom.

'No!' Phil shouted but the door was already open and Dan was standing on the other side like a deer in the headlights. Both Dan and Phil were silent as the others gawked, their eyes glued to the ears on his head. It was lucky that his tail was tucked away but it made no difference, it only lessened the attention.

'What have you done, Phil.' Zoe breathed.

'I saved a Neko?' Phil sounded unsure of himself. He didn't know what to say. How could he explain this? Dan had his head bowed and looked fearful of what was about to happen when all tension was broken. 'He's so cute!' Cat squealed and brought him into a hug. Dan froze and didn't move until she let him go but he restrained himself from pushing her away, Phil was proud of him for that.

'This is dangerous but I have to admit, the Neko crisis is cruel.' Troye stated whilst Tyler continued to stare in shock and Zoe simply stood up.

'You haven't thought this through, have you? I'm going. I won't have my friend killed because of a Neko.' She spat and stalked out. The others all turned to face her, in even more shock than before. It was the least Zoe thing she had ever said. Zoe was kind, often calm but there was a part of her that wasn't afraid to state her opinion- even when the rest didn't agree. It was just one of those times. But, never had she ever said something so cruelly.

Phil turned to Dan to check he was okay but he was shaking again. Phil scooped him up almost like a toddler and soothed him whilst the others looked with curious eyes. 'She didn't mean it, she's just shocked.' He cooed, the onlookers pitying the boy. Dan looked so vulnerable in his arms. He was still shaking but his breathing had slowed.

'I think we should leave.' Troye mumbled, backing away to the door. Phil nodded, shyly, Dan still balanced like a toddler on his hip. Tyler followed him out but Cat stayed put.

'I'm sorry about that.' She sighed, putting a reassuring hand on Phil's arm. 'It was nice to see you, though. And you too.' She smiled at Dan who sent one back, although it was barely visible. Cat then left, leaving Dan and Phil alone. That hadn't gone well. And Dan, not only was he crying but he had someone who could report him. And, if they did, they were both in danger.


	10. Chapter 10

Dan felt horrible. He wanted to tear his ears off, rip his tail off and forget all of this. But, he was a Neko, they would just grow back- he had tried to do it before. That was the reason his hair was all black. It had once been a chocolate brown; it had once been sweet. Now it was the colour of darkness and torment and Dan couldn't agree more with his own body.

Phil was pacing the corridor as Dan stood just as they left him. 'Phil, you're going to have to leave me one day. Why not now? I don't understand. Do you not see that the girl was right?' Dan's eyelids fell as he thought over the situation. He saw no other options but the inevitable. He would have to leave, again. He hated how this was becoming such a common occurrence but there was no other way to help Phil. Phil had saved him by putting himself in horrific danger and Dan couldn't repay that. What he didn't know was that Phil was already in danger and just having Dan with him was giving him the strength to stand up to the man at the door.

He hadn't paid him in days and the man was seemingly gone. He was glad; Phil could smile again. He was encased in a constant paranoia but it had lessened. Before, it was worse. The man at the door could be lurking anywhere but now, now that Phil didn't have to give him anything, he didn't fear him. He knew what to do; he had learnt the basics of self-defence and he wasn't afraid anymore.

Dan had given him that. Dan had given him his freedom. Dan didn't know that. Dan wanted to leave. Dan wanted to save Phil. Dan didn't want to come back. 'I do see that she was right but I don't care, Dan. I couldn't be gladder that you are here and I'm not letting you go again.' Dan hung his head low, almost petrified of Phil's naivety. He couldn't stop Dan from leaving and they both knew that yet Phil held such hope whilst Dan could only doubt.

'You should care, Phil! This could get you put in jail!' Dan shouted, his temper lost. Phil flinched but made no other movement. Phil stayed calm maybe only to calm the other boy down, he wasn't sure. He was never quick tempered nor could he always keep his calm so why was he keeping it now?

'I don't care, Dan. Don't you understand? I don't care if I get put in jail if it means that you can stay alive!' Phil broke. His voice was still quiet, still calm but his voice cracked and his eyes began to fill with tears, a bucket with the water slipping over the edges. Dan watched in shock at the man in front of him.

'Don't cry, Phil. Please don't cry.' Dan begged, going to comfort the boy but Phil shrugged him off.

'I need some time to think.' He muttered, pulling on a coat and shoes before leaving, his hands stuffed in his pockets to hide the violent trembling from Dan. Dan watched, frozen, he couldn't seem to do anything else anymore. Phil now hated him too. He felt a wave of darkness pass over him but he sighed and collected his things before mimicking Phil- pulling on a jacket and a pair of shoes. He was going to leave to but unlike Phil, he wasn't going to return. He was going to run until he couldn't be found. Before there had been something in him asking to be found but now, now that he knew Phil, he had to run- for his sake.

Dan shut the door for the last time and sprinted down the stairs and into the bland street. He looked left then right, only seeing houses for at least eight blocks. So, with that, he ran as fast as his weak, rickety legs would take him.

He had been eating recently meaning that his energy was much more than usual and took him at least three blocks before his weak body began to fail him. It had been maybe only just more than a week or two and in no way was that enough to recover such a weak body. Dan couldn't function when running. His breath had gone ragged and even with the adrenaline running through him, it felt unbearable to take any more steps. Either way, he made it four more blocks- limping- and found a dank alleyway, perfect for its purpose.

He sank to his knees and began to fiddle with his tail. He missed modern life already. Even if the TV was static, he could watch it. Even if the fridge was 'empty', there would still be enough for a small snack. Even if he wasn't tired, there was always a comfy bed to sleep on. Now, he had none of those things. He was alone, tired, bored and hungry. He was back to what he used to be.

Days went by like that and soon enough, Dan was unsure of why he was alive- again. It always seemed that its body had a higher capacity than it first seemed. When Dan begged for life, it felt as if he were deteriorating but when he begged for death, he had a new found energy keeping him alive.

He bad watched the sunrise and the sunset and all in the world was bleak again, He missed Phil, he missed comfort. He missed...having a life. He missed being a person. He missed the fact that if he died, someone would remember him. Now, he had no one. Phil would have reached home long ago and he would have seen Dan gone and he would have given up. That was the only plausible explanation, at least for Dan.

He didn't know that Phil had sent out a search party made up of his small group of friends to get Dan back. He knew Dan's reasoning and he knew it was nothing but selfless. So Phil was going to the most selfish and more selfless thing he had ever done in his life. Bring Dan back- he was going to bring him back and save him.

Two more days passed and they were beginning to lose hope. No one could be seen apart from some elderly woman and raucous children. Phil was beginning to fall. He hadn't eaten recently, nor had he said a word but orders to find his lost friend. No one had realised just how much Phil cared for ships new found friend. They had known each other for such a short time yet they had both saved each other without realising it.

The day that they found Dan was the day Phil had cried. Dan was huddled in an alleyway, three blocks away from the one he had first slept in and to his surprise. Zoe was the one to find him. Zoe took him back, checked his wounds and carried him when he could no longer walk. She was the one to cover his ears and tail so they wouldn't get caught. She was the one to soothe him when he was told of Phil's condition.

'I'm sorry for what I said before.' She murmured, Dan now cradled in her arms. His legs could no longer carry his weight; they were no more than sticks.

'Don't be. You were right. I still can't understand why Phil wants to find me.' Dan sighed, his voice croaking from lack of use and water.

'No, don't say that. This isn't a conversation we should be having, anyway. This is for you and Phil to talk about.' Dan nodded defeatedly as the lay finally made it to the apartment complex. Zoe had not told them that he had been found but it seemed the rest of them had given up as they came into Dan's view.

They were all hunched over on the steps, comforting Phil who now had tears spilling from his eyes uncontrollably. When he peered up and saw Zoe, a man in her arms, he couldn't have run faster.

'Dan!' He called, his voice tangled with a sob. 'I missed you so much.'

He whispered, taking Dan from Zoe's arms and into his, 'Please don't do that again.'


	11. Chapter 11

Phil hurried with Dan in in his arms towards his apartment. The boy was ice cold and his fingers looked to be turning a freakish shade of blue. It was just like when Phil had first found him. They had taken two steps forward in the right direction...only to take two steps back.

The others, including Zoe, scurried behind them, all wittering to each other about what was about to happen. They knew Phil well and Phil, despite his happy facade, could break easily if someone hurt him. And with the lengths they went to find Dan, it was almost certain that Dan had hurt him.

‘Phil, are you alright to take care of this by yourself?’ Troye asked as Dan hit the bed, Phil wrapping him in a cocoon of blankets. ‘We are happy to help but I also want to give you space if you need it.’ Troye continued, Phil simply nodded, no words forming in his mouth as he began to rummage for medical supplies.

The others soon left, each with their own goodbyes to a barely conscious Dan. He had woken up sometime during the ordeal and was struggling to keep his eyes open, despite the hubbub around him. His eyes were peeling open before snapping shut and his arms barely twitched as he tried to move them. It was as if he had woken up from a coma. The fever he was most likely coming down with wasn’t helping either but Dan knew that problem would soon be out of the way- or at least he hoped so with the number of medical supplies in Phil’s arms.

‘I don’t really know how to treat something like...this,’ he motioned to Dan’s body, finding no more words for the symptoms he had, ‘so I’m just going to give you what I take when I have a fever...if that’s what you have.’ Phil mumbled to himself, rambling about the importance of medication as he began to play doctor with the Neko boy in his bed. Within no time, Dan was asleep and Phil was barely awake next to him, both of them lulled to sleep by the hectic day they had both just suffered.

When they woke up, it was by the sun blasting through the window, causing them to flinch as it hit both of their faces. Dan hissed and scurried backward whilst Phil yawned and stretched upwards before leaving the comfort of the bed. ‘Are you feeling better?’ Phil smiled weakly, taking Dan’s temperature again. His forehead still seemed too hot and his fingers too cold but it was nothing a few more days could fix, his body was capable by itself at this point.

‘Why didn’t you just let me go?’ Dan mumbled, hiding his face behind his legs. He was fed up with all this: the care, the comfort, the hope. Phil was giving him blind hope for a better future when Dan knew he never had one. He had to go alone if he was going to stay alive and Phil wasn’t working in that equation.

‘You sound like you expected me to.’ Phil’s eyebrows furrowed, his face contorting into one of confusion. ‘You thought I would leave you out to die?’ His voice was raised, his body tense as his confusion was replaced by a loud anger.

‘Yes, I did.’ Dan’s voice was strong, doing whatever he needed to do to get rid of the man in front of him.

‘How?’ Phil breathed, his voice trembling under the pressure of those words. ‘How could you really believe THAT I WOULD LET YOU DIE OUT THERE!’

‘I DON’T KNOW! Okay? Just let me go, you say you’re helping but you’re only putting my in a prison...it’s no better than what _they_ would do if they caught me.’ Silence fell, encasing the screams and shouts that had suddenly come out of their own mouths. They didn’t believe it themselves. How could Dan make Phil lose his temper so uncontrollably? Why was Dan the only one who could make him this passionate about something? How was this possible?

‘I’m not letting you go. You know this dismal place is the best that either of us can get.’ Phil gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. This was painful for him, painful for Dan too. Both of them were so desperate not to have to separate but in this moment both of them wanted to run away and face their problems alone- like so many people do.

‘I know...I just don’t think I can burden you any longer.’ Dan admitted, letting out a heavy breath as he watched the curtains flutter as the wind blew through the open window.

‘You’re not, don’t you understand that? I care about you, Dan. For God’s sake, I hardly know you and I already count you as my best friend. What more can I do to convince you to stay?’ Phil begged, falling onto the bed where Dan still lay, clasping one of his hands in his own.

‘You don’t have to do a thing.’ Dan admitted. ‘I don’t want to leave...and if you feel that I’m not a burden…’

‘You’re not.’ Phil assured, giving his hand a small, reassuring squeeze to emphasise his point. Their eyes locked and the truth came flooding out. Phil only portrayed sincerity so different to Dan’s restraint to tell the truth. He couldn’t understand how Phil could be so forward- he couldn’t understand why he loved that trait so much.

‘Okay...then I’ll stay.’ Dan smiled weakly, leaning himself against the headboard of the bed, his head pounding at the sudden change in orientation. Phil smiled brightly, on the other hand, the words making his day- his year even.

Simply knowing Dan was going to stay was all he needed.

‘But, if I’m going to stay…’ he paused, taking in a deep breath, ‘I want you to know what happened in my past.’ Dan admitted, twiddling his thumbs, his concentration on anything but Phil, who was now making his way to sit down to Dan on the rather small bed frame.

‘Tell me anything; I’m here for you.’


	12. Chapter 12

_‘Dan! Come out of the bedroom, please!’ Dan’s mother shouted gently, herding the boy into the cramped kitchen of their small cottage in the woods. It was a safe house, you could see that at first glance. What should have been a wooden door was an iron one, although nicely decorated, courtesy of his mother and windows were far and few between. There were three in the entire house, all of which were no bigger than a metre by a metre, noticeably Perspex and not glass too. Apart from anything, the clearest difference was the lighting- the fire being the only source in the house. The windows did help shed some light into the dim rooms but still not enough to see in the darkness of the night. Dan’s room, one of little privacy, was simply a nook in his parent’s bedroom that had once been a cupboard but he had long since forgotten that there was anything wrong with that. He loved his snug little haven, even if at night there was no light apart from the moon flooding onto his small bed and three single drawers. The room couldn’t have been as big as a metre by another metre of two._

_The kitchen, the largest room in the house, was around the size of a normal bedroom. And, not only did it hold kitchen essentials but the living room itself. The bungalow, and cottage, only had four rooms in total. One of which was Dan’s little annex, the others: the kitchen, the bedroom and the bathroom. But Dan still loved the place and knew, now at age sixteen, that there was a reason he had never met a soul that were not his parents in his life. He was a Neko just as his parents were. He had been born and raised in this cottage to avoid confrontation..or capture._

_Dan, though, had long since thought about that and was still as grumpy as any teenager could be. ‘What do you want?’ He huffed, folding his arms and staring down his mother. His mother rolled her eyes although fortunately used to this behaviour._

_‘I just need some help making dinner, come on.’ She bustled him to the counters and gave him one of the chopping knives as well as taking one herself and ordered him to begin chopping the vegetables just as she did herself. They were nearly finished when his father rushed in the door. Something was wrong, they knew immediately. His dark-haired, tan skinned father panting, his ears pricked up to follow the sound he had clearly heard._

_‘Cover up.’ He ordered, still attempting to catch his breath. They knew what that meant: people. People were coming and that meant this might not be pretty. Dan rushed to his room, pushing on a beanie, knowing it would have little effect- since the beginning of the capturings, people were asked to take off hats. He tucked his tail into his unfortunately skinny jeans before being ushered out by his panicked mother, who had quickly retracted her ears herself but struggled to tuck the tail in anywhere. Dan was of no help, she would simply have to bend it until the men and women were gone._

_The voices came closer and soon all of them were listening to the bustle coming towards their house. ‘Oi! Nekos, come out!’ A gruff man called out, his voice deep and frightening. His parents' eyes drew to him, panic evident in their eyes. They already knew they were Nekos. They couldn’t hide it anymore. ‘Hide.’ His mother whispered, tears filling her eyes. ‘We’ll sort this out ourselves. Just make sure they don’t see you, okay?’ A tear slipped down her cheek despite her strong facade. She wrapped Dan in a hug, his father watching- a pained expression on his face. ‘I love you, so much.’ She whispered into his ear before pulling away, ‘don’t let them see you and whatever happens, don’t ever leave your hiding place.’ Dan nodded numbly and stumbled back before rushing into the bathroom, leaving his parents to…_

_Dan found himself trapped in the bathroom cupboard. He knew it was pointless to hide in such an obvious place but this house was too small to find a nook to hide in where they would never find him. This was the best he could do and he would have to deal with the consequences soon enough._

_Murmured voices suddenly filled the room just next to his and it was clear that somewhere in the havoc, the front, and only door had been kicked down. ‘What do we have here?’ A sneer came from just outside the door but Dan knew he was safe, for now, at least until his parents found a way out. Just as they would, right? They would find a way out, he was sure of it._

_‘Mr and Mrs Howell.’ A shaky voice spoke, his father. It almost seemed courteous but he knew it was only there to fill the silence. The silence would be what would come when their deaths came...and that wouldn't happen. It couldn't._

_‘Names? Ha, who gave two Nekos names. Shameful.’ The man spat, his footsteps echoing as he moved around the room with a lack of grace and heavy boots. Dan's ears picking up each sound much clearer than any human could._

_‘No one, sir, we gave them to ourselves.’ His parents spoke loudly, proudly as if naming themselves was not an indication of the slavish society they were born into._

_‘Well, that’s fine by me, seeing as we have no need for you two anymore. Those names will become worthless soon enough. No one wants to buy old Nekos but I feel, for safety’s sake, that we should make sure you’re driven out.’ Menace dripped off the man’s words, his face would be no better than a monster’s, Dan imagined. He could only imagine a beast behind that door, one he was too scared to reveal himself._

_Dan knew that leaving this room would help no one. He couldn’t save his parent’s, it was impossible. And he knew, now, that they had just said their last goodbyes. He wasn’t going to see them again. They were about to murdered. And he was going to..._ hear.

_And that he did, he heard as blood finally was spilt. Not by the beast’s hands but his mother's._

_‘Get away from me!’ His mother shouted just as Dan’s sensitive hearing heard the metal of a blade skim across someone’s skins. Whether that was his mother’s or the beast’s, Dan wasn’t sure, not until his mother spoke again._

_‘I would rather die by my own hands than your filthy ones.’ Dan could imagine her hands shaking, the tears spilling as she muttered her prayers and dragged the blade across her neck. Would that be painful? Dan thought. Would it be quick, would she not feel a thing? Or...would she feel everything. Dan didn’t want to think of that, he knew the small amount of food he had eaten that day would only leave his stomach._

_His dad copied the action, Dan could hear it. The spray of liquid hitting the floor. The sounds of metal on flesh. And, for once in his life, Dan wished that he hadn’t been granted generous hearing. He wished to be deaf. He wished not to hear again because he knew he would only hear that moment. When he matched the darkness he stood in now, he would hear the skin ripping apart...he knew what his nightmares would be from there on._

_Not that he imagined what came next._

_‘Burn the bodies, burn the house! I don’t want any evidence!’ The man clearly wasn’t bothered about checking inside. Stupid man. If he was so desperate to sell Nekos, you would think to look for others. Or maybe he just saw that his parents weren’t the age of usual parents, too young in many people’s eyes, having had him when they were both sixteen themselves. Yet, they could be the age in which they had had a baby. Yes, Dan decided, this man was simply stupid._

_Then, Dan was cracked out of his memory- a blissful release from the trauma that had just been inflicted - the crackles of flames began to fill the house. He had been serious, the man had been serious, they were burning the house down. Dan knew there was only one option and that was to run. Run as fast as he could and hope the men would not see him. It would be a futile attempt but an attempt nonetheless._

_So, he took four deep breaths, his fear masking the memories of what had just happened. Before he knew it he was running: out of the wardrobe, through the bathroom door and past his parents- without a single glance in their direction. He didn’t think he could. He was nauseous as the sight of blood and as he felt it stick to his bare feet, he knew he could not look down- nor did he have the desire to._

_Dan was soon out of the door and panting. He didn’t know what direction to turn...then, he knew, he had no direction to turn. He was surrounded. That’s why the man didn’t check the house. He simply wanted to drive out the ones that were still in there. Him, to be exact._

_The circle broke as his arms were pushed behind his back, trapping him, forcing his movement to stop. Then, with one last shaky breath, he met the eyes of the beast. The beast that he would now have to spend his next two years with before another beast came to take his place._


	13. Chapter 13

_Dan stared at the man with the dull grey eyes with complete, wholehearted terror. His mouth was slack and his bones were shaking; his eyes were wide and his tears were strong. Hadn’t he had enough? He had just heard his parents be slaughtered, and now...now he had to face the man that did it himself- his fate so uncertain._

_‘There’s the little bugger.’ The man spat, taking another step forward, his toxic breath mixing with Dan’s own. ‘Though there would be another of ya’ in there.’ He smiled eerily before taking hold of one of Dan’s shoulders and dragging him away, away from his burning house, his burning parents- his burning life. ‘No! Please, don’t! Don’t!’ Dan screamed as his wits came back to him, although delirium still encasing him fully, as he clawed the man’s hand away. It didn’t budge. His grip was iron-tight and unforgiving, he was coming whether he wanted to or not. What had he expected? His free will had just been stripped. Minutes had taken his life away from him. He was stripped bare and anyone's to have. ‘Please.’ Dan gasped one final time before his back was pushed against the bonnet of a car, his arm twisted painfully behind him, almost crushed as the man above him leant down on him. He was frail as it was, it wasn’t easy to find food in the forest (and human shops clearly weren’t an option) and a single heavy man’s weight on him was enough for him to feel crushed._

_‘Stop it, you little sh*t. Complaining ain’t gonna do you no good.’ The man’s thick English accent ripped through the air. This wasn’t like Dan’s (an accent he had picked up from his parent’s despite living on American soil) rather articulate voice- this was rough. This was the stereotype of evil portrayed before you. Almost more terrifying than the unexpected villain._

_‘Why?’ Dan sobbed, looking the man directly in the eyes. ‘Why me?’ He begged, a silent plea to let him leave- to let him run._

_‘Why you ask? Money doesn’t come easy, chap, and I have kids to feed. One disgusting Neko’s life for two childrens', I think that is fair, don’t you think?’ He sneered. Dan gritted his teeth but didn’t move from his restraints, it would only hurt more. ‘Now, let’s get going.’ The man pulled him up, Dan’s arm still locked painfully behind his back but soon he had been pushed into a car and his arms were now bound up in front of him, his hands sitting on his lap. Despite the pain in his shoulder easing, the rope was beginning to scratch at the frail skin on his wrists._

_The car journey was slow, the dark forest roads dim as the moon was suddenly high in the sky- Dan didn’t know how time had passed so quickly. He was still shaking, matching the car’s rumble as the memories flashed through his mind as did the worries for the future. He was suffocated. So much had happened that he couldn’t even comprehend it. Shock, that’s what it was. He had read about it once yet knowing this seemed to be of no help at all. During the process of learning about shock, never once had it told him how to treat it and even if it did, Dan was sure he did not have the resources to do so._

_He let the shaking continue, his breathing less ragged than it once was yet his mind more blurred than ever. He could hardly make out the tall pine trees looming outside the window as they rolled by the open window, the cold, harsh air whipping at his face- another pain to add on. He was most likely numb at this moment- the fact that he wasn’t sure spoke all words._

_The whole journey was silent, the man that had been with him since the beginning in the driver’s seat with another man in the seat next to him (looking rather wimpy and afraid) who couldn’t seem to stop glancing at his watch._

_‘We don’t have long.’ The man spoke in hushed tones towards the driver, he seemed secretive although it was clear that Dan was going to hear either way._

_‘No, I’ve delayed it. This mongrel is staying with us for the next month before the boss handles him.’ The driver, the beast, didn’t even bother to lower his voice as he took his eyes off the road to face the man next to him. ‘I hate deadlines and there’s no reason to rush this. Bills are another month away until I have to pay them and the boss will pay us richly until we sell the bloody cat.’ The man’s voice sounded strained behind the usual swagger, it seemed that payment was an important topic to him. It most likely would be, he had children to feed. That was what he said, wasn’t it?_

_Dan didn’t notice when the sun began to rise and the road began to widen. Soon enough, his window had been closed (not by him but some automation in the front of the car) and they were speeding down the highway, no doubt closing in on their final destination. The roads were still barren, devoid of a single car, as they sped much over the speed limit. And, within another half an hour, they were there. Where, exactly? Dan wasn’t sure. But, as his owner suggested, it was probably his residency for the next month and with one glance, his panic was no longer subtle- it came in the form of violent shakes and sobs._

_The house was almost collapsing in on itself and was no larger than a shed. This was clearly made for him and him alone. ‘This is your stop, bud, go have fun. Someone will be guarding the front. There’s no getting out of this, small guy, I’ll see you tomorrow.’ The endearing terms were wasted on him- the cruel atmosphere morphing them into something much, much worse._

_And, without thinking about the nightmares to come, Dan was shoved inside and onto a small bed and before he knew it, he was asleep- or unconscious, it was a fine line now. But this was his life now, he guessed he would just have to deal with it._

_And deal with it, he did._


	14. Chapter 14

Dan stopped abruptly, wiping the tears from his cheeks hastily. He had never told a soul that story and now...now it was out. Out to a man that could send him to a compound, never to be let out again. He was putting his faith in someone, he didn’t know how he felt about it. Nervous, maybe? Fearful, that had to be what that pit in his stomach was. Glad, was that why there was a smile playing on his face? He had finally said it. He had rid himself of the burden of keeping that secret. The load was shared and suddenly, smiling didn’t feel as difficult.

‘Thanks.’ Dan murmured, looking up at Phil- whose eyes were now glazed over, the story pounding at his injured heart. Dan spoke as if it was so normal to him. Dan clearly knew the horrors of what happened to him and it still so clearly affected him to this day but he spoke with no surprise in his voice. Well, not that he would. Phil couldn’t quite place it. There was something there. Something that had expected that to happen. The thought sent Phil’s stomach churning, the sick threatening to rise to his throat.

‘No, thank you. You didn’t need to tell me that but you did. And…I’m so glad. I don’t think I can bear to think what you would have done if you had kept that to yourself any longer.’ Phil smiled weakly, the most he could muster in the situation. It was as much as Dan needed. He wanted no pity- he just wanted understanding, someone to know and accept it. Someone who could protect him from what was about to come.

Because it was coming. Dan couldn’t avoid it forever. No Neko could avoid it forever.

‘I know.’ Dan admitted, his gaze drawing to his lap.

‘Was that everything...I feel like the story has gone unfinished.’ Phil admitted in response, crouching down to meet Dan’s level, drawing his eyes up from his hands, which were settled comfortably in his lap.

‘There’s more, I just...I can’t-’

‘Don’t worry. You don’t have to tell me all at once. I just wanted to know in case, you know, you ever wanted to tell me the rest.’ Phil smiled gently and took one of Dan’s hands in his. ‘Never feel pressured to talk.’ A pause resonated around the room. ‘I’ll leave you to it. You should get some sleep.’ Phil stood up, the weak smile still prominent on his lips. He walked out carefully, shutting the door behind him, glancing once more at Dan, giving him a curt nod- a silent goodnight.

Phil sighed heavily once the door was shut. That was so much to take in- almost too much. He didn’t know what to feel anymore. Angry? Sad? Disappointed in his own kind? Happy that Dan made it out alive...to him. He wasn’t sure. It was most likely a mixture of all of them, sending his mind reeling as he tried to wrap his head around this new emotion.

He sighed again, trying to clear his mind of all thoughts. A blank mind was better than a crowded one. He lugged his feet to the kitchen and began to stab his fork through the seal of the ready meal before pushing it into the microwaves. It was late now and Phil still hadn’t eaten; exhaustion was dragging him down but he didn’t want to go without dinner again. A knock at the door took his attention away from the glaring red numbers on the microwave screen. There was no harm in leaving the food alone so he left the kitchen, grumbling about just wanting to eat in peace, before opening the door.

He hadn’t known what he had expected. He hadn’t expected this. He should have expected this.

The man was at the door- that man that had brought a knife to his throat just for ten dollars. The man that was a maniac. ‘The money.’ He ordered, the formalities of previous visits gone.

‘I-I don’t have it.’ Phil stuttered. He was being truthful. Looking after two people had its difficulties and was in no way cheap. He had ten dollars to spare, probably, but without it, he didn’t think he could pay for food. He couldn’t go another week with an empty stomach. He had given so much of his food to Dan- in the last week he had had less than three full meals.

‘Give me the money.’ The man spat, his thin grey eyes darkening in the dim light of the night. Phil wished he wasn’t scared of the man with the black undercut and thin furrowed brows but Phil had to admit it- he wanted to run. He wanted to flee his home and never look back. This man was threatening and beautiful all at once, a master at trickery. He didn’t even know why the man wanted the money. Did he have a reason? Of course, he did. No one robbed money for the sake of it.

‘I said I don’t have it.’ Phil’s voice was strong. He looked down at the man, he was short yet his powerful aura made him seem so much taller.

‘I know you do, brat. Just give it to me.’ The man gritted his teeth, baring them like an animal as he took another step towards Phil, reaching behind him. Phil began to shake, his legs almost falling from underneath him. In his time with Dan, he had forgotten what terror felt like.

How had he even gotten into this situation? It seemed too impossible- out of this world. He had a relatively kind childhood, shielded from as much danger as was possible by his mother. He was never warned about things like these. Things that were so forgotten by society that he felt afraid to tell anyone. He feared that they wouldn’t care of that they would tell him that they had a lack of evidence for a conviction. After all, Phil had no proof of the man who visited his door.

‘I don’t have it!’ Phil repeated, louder, backing away step by step. The man followed. Each step Phil took back, the man would take forward.

‘If you don’t give me the goddamn money, this knife is going into your throat, brat.’ The man looked devilish under the orange light of the streetlamps. Phil almost gave him but he didn’t. For himself and for Dan, he didn’t let his fear freeze him. Before the man could finally pull out his knife, the door was closed and Phil locked all locks possibly, running from the door as if the knife was about to be sent through it.

He heard a growl from outside but didn’t approach the door to see if it was the man’s persistence or resignation. Phil tried to block out the paranoia that was setting in and returned to the kitchen, taking the unoriginal curry from the microwave and eating it with shaking hands, the sauce spilling over the table with every bite- Phil couldn’t find it within himself to care.

He was shaken, in shock. He had never done that before...and he didn’t want to know the consequences.


	15. Chapter 15

Dan woke up to the searing light of the morning sun flooding through the open curtains. It seemed, lately, he was forgetting to shut them and with the fast approaching sun and heat, he knew that this was most likely going to become routine. He groaned softly and stretched out his arms, clicking his joints and sighing at the relaxation that came to his muscles- he still relished in the feeling of waking up in a bed rather than a dark, dusty alleyway floor.

‘Dan?’ I faint voice called, no doubt from the kitchen. Dan hummed and before realising that his answer was in no way loud enough to be heard, Phil had entered his room, smiling gently- a flash of something else behind his eyes. Something Dan hadn’t quite seen before. Something familiar and altogether foreign. ‘Oh, glad you’re awake.’ He smiled, that hint of something contradictory fading away gently. ‘You’ll need to cover up today. It’s still cold outside and it’s my day off so I thought we could go out to the park.’ Dan looked at him with wide-eyes but nodded, he had the knowledge of how to hide his ears away from people, although his tail was much easier.

Phil hastily left the room, leaving Dan to get ready, with a frown on his face as soon as he was no longer visible to Dan. The paranoia was already eating him up from the inside out but he knew nothing would happen when he left, not in broad daylight with others around. He hoped. His logical mind knew that there was no way he, although rather stealthy, would attack him in a public area, especially when there was no chance of money when he did it. But, Phil was often known to be irrational, his fear becoming more important than his logic and he couldn’t help but shake at the flashing images of the man in his eyes. He was petrified...but he had to get over it. If only just to shake off the sense of cabin fever he was getting from being either locked up in the house or the office.

‘Morning, Phil!’ Dan smiled, in an unusually good mood, a beanie already covering his ears and his tail tucked artfully into his jeans. ‘Morning.’ Phil replied cautiously but let a smile flood onto his face as he watched Dan prance around as if he were a child. ‘Where’s this come from?’ He teased, leaning on the kitchen counter, contemplating whether he should give both of them small portions or just skip breakfast again.

Dan shrugged, humming quietly as he pushed himself up onto one of the breakfast bar’s stools and staring spinning slowly, the smile growing on his face. Phil just laughed and set his mind, he could skip breakfast again, especially if they were going to eat out for a lunch. Although, it would most likely be a fast-food place; Phil was in no place to pay for anything else.

Dan ate breakfast fast whilst Phil searched for his shoes that had gotten misplaced in what was now the mess of home that he owned. When he finally found the simple trainers buried far beneath his bed, Dan was completely finished and washing his dish. He turned and smiled back at Phil. ‘We going now or later?’ He asked, placing the dish to the side to dry.

‘Now, I don’t want to go out when it’s too busy.’ Phil smiled, motioning for Dan to come out.

‘Is anyone else coming? We haven’t seen the others in a while.’ The silence _not until they found me_ didn’t go unnoticed but Phil didn’t bother to bring it up- it would only hurt both of them.

‘Nope, just us for today.’ Dan almost felt relieved at the statement. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Phil’s friends and they were some of the few that knew who he was and hadn’t turned him in and he was glad for that but he tended to avoid crowds and simply bringing a few people more would only make Dan feel overcrowded. Not perfect for going outside for the first time in a long time.

Dan realised this would be the first time he _ever_ went into a public area- well, at least in the daytime. He had lived in the woods, and then in the...the shed and then in alleyways. Never, in the years he had lived, had he gone to the park and suddenly his already bright mood shone brighter. And going with Phil, and Phil alone, was just the cherry on the top of the cake.

They left in no hurry, it was still before ten in the morning and the pair were still quite groggy but the cool air and the rushing wind through the trees did brighten them enough to be aware of what was going on. In the mess that had been their lives recently, they deserved a break and although both of their moods were fluctuating constantly, they had the wallow in the happiness whenever they found it. It just so happened that they had found it now.

When Dan saw the park, his eyes glowed. It was a small place, not much more than a children’s playpark but it was the nearest thing to Phil’s house that was within walkable distance and not too crowded. Dan ran to the nearest swing with glee on his face, just like a child in a candy store. He pushed himself on and began to swing back and forth. ‘I haven’t been on one of these since I was young. My dad tied a rope to a tree with a wooden plank at the bottom that we would sit on and I would swing on it for hours. I’ve never seen one like this before!’ Dan’s innocence in that moment almost sent Phil to tears. It was like raising a child for himself. Dan had lost so many experiences in his life and for most of his life had only seen the brutality of humanity.

Now, Phil could see, Dan was beginning to accept that there was another side- even if tomorrow his mind would return to its old state. Even the mention of his father hadn’t been enough to bring Dan down. He was exuberant swinging back and forth, Phil soon joining him just one swing over and pushing back and forth much more lazily than Dan was, who looked almost ready to do a full loop on that thing.

Phil knew that tomorrow would always be a different story but today was nice, calm and peaceful. He wanted every day to be like this even if he knew it couldn’t be. Or else, they wouldn’t be what they were. They would become normal. Phil was never one for normal. So, a day like this was a dream. Unfamiliar but fun- something Phil hadn’t felt in years. And, somehow, having Dan right there next to him was the reason for it being so.


	16. Chapter 16

Phil’s day had passed quickly, a silly smile plastered on his face throughout it. Dan wasn’t much different. They laughed at each other’s bad jokes, laughed at Phil’s obvious lack in the ability to cook and about Phil’s awful co-workers that believed that their president was really deserving of that place. But, happiness never lasted long. They _knew_ it never lasted long. Throughout it all, there was a hanging tension in the air. They knew something was coming. It was just a question of what. The weather agreed, the day at the park a freak day of sun before the rains poured from the heavens. But, they wouldn’t let it get their spirits down and despite a slightly dampened mood, the smiles never left. ‘Dan! Dinner!’ Phil called, only to be met with a groan, owning a chortle from the older man.

‘Let me guess, microwave-meal?’ Dan spoke sarcastically as he entered the room despite the knowledge that, _yes_ , it was a microwave meal. Both laughed, though, at the sight of Phil pulling out just that from the microwave- steaming hot. ‘You really need to learn to cook something else. ‘At this rate, you’ll get fat.’ Dan teased, laughing but digging in greedily- not yet to the point where food was no longer a luxury.

‘No, I won’t. _You’ll_ get fat, I have height on my side.’ Phil did, six feet, in fact. Dan, on the other hand, wasn’t much smaller, incredibly tall for his species (often called a noodle by his parents).

‘I’m tall too! Not in a human way but we metabolise differently so, no, I won’t be getting fat.’ Dan huffed, trying to hide the sneaky smile from prying eyes.

‘Sure, sure.’ Phil waved his hand dismissively, his own smile breaking out only just before Dan’s. After that, they ate in relative silence- filled with small talk every now and then. Dan was the one to clear the plates as Phil scavenged for anything even remotely healthy so that they didn’t die of diabetes. Still, he came up short but neither really cared- it was the effort that counted in their mind.

‘TV?’ Phil asked, looking over his shoulder to see Dan finishing washing the last plate.

Dan nodded. ‘If you can get it to work that it.’ Dan laughed, burying his hands in his pockets, effectively drying them, keeping them there for warmth- the house really did need some heating.

‘Of course, I can! I finally found out how!’ Phil sounded excited so Dan just let him be as he rushed to the living room and started to fiddle with some wires around the back of it. Suddenly, images sprung to life. Dan was in awe. Rarely had he seen anything but static on the screen. He hadn’t seen, well, real TV is a long time. ‘See!’ Phil called out excitedly, waving his hands at the screen. Dan nodded, his eyes wide whilst watching the screen, too caught up to say a word. Phil chuckled at him but joined him on the sofa, watching the news reader speak, the movement and speech at the same time for once.

Soon enough, Dan had fallen asleep to the mind-numbing chatter of the game show host of the channel they had switched to about an hour later. Phil smiled down and fetched a blanket, laying it over him carefully before sitting back down, feeling rather cold himself but too lazy to go and grab another one.

He lay uncomfortable for at least an hour before standing once more. He stretched his legs, feeling cramped from sitting in such a disagreeable state for so long. He groaned as he felt his back crack, hissing at the small infliction of pain.

He breathed in, choking on the dust that had been clogging his home for weeks. He needed to get outside, if only just for a couple of minutes. His mind seemed to have forgotten in his wave of tiredness just what was outside.

His mindlessly stumbled outside, glad for the fresh air in his lungs as soon as he had managed it to the bottom of the stairs, a hard feat even when not tired. It cleared his head just slightly but he still felt clouded, something that was blinding him from the truth.

The truth that was just around the corner.

Phil sat down on the steps leading up to the door to the complex, continuing to breathe in that welcomed air, one not thick with dust. He would really have to get to cleaning soon. Maybe Dan would agree to, he had been begging to do something productive for weeks. It was clear he would get a job if he could. Phil couldn’t help but feel vengeful that he couldn’t. Dan had never done anything wrong. Dan was being oppressed for being different. That was no different to history, though, Phil couldn’t do a thing but defy the rules, hoping that others would join him. Maybe there was, they would be as secretive as he was if they did exist. There was no way to find out. Phil felt disappointed by the prospect.

The rush that happened next was unprecedented and no doubt brought Phil back to the real world. He had simply been sitting on the steps, the sky moving by like any peaceful night. Within a moment, a blade- gleaming tauntingly in the moonlight- was pressed against his throat.

‘I told you I want money.’ The words dropped off the man's tongue like venom, his raven hair hanging loosely around his face- the darkness of it threatening Phil in itself.

‘I told you I don't have any.’ Phil’s voice, as expected, was shakier than he had intended. It had every right to be. Phil wasn't one to back down often but with a blade hovering over his Adam's apple, millimetres from drawing blood, he couldn't dare move nevermind sound strong. But, truthfully, Phil really did have no money and he was finding more and more that if he did, even with his cowardice when it came to the raven haired man, he would not hand it over.

He glanced down at his stomach for just a second, reminded of what was hidden under his t-shirt. The scar, the warning from times he had refused before. He didn't care. The man hadn't had to guts to kill him before, he wouldn't now.

‘Give it.’ The man sounded distrusting if not a little thrown off. Phil had said it enough times for it to begin to drill in. He really did have no money. The man didn't seem to care though, his face remaining indifferent. Phil stared, his eyes searching the others for a sign of anything: remorse, mercy or even fear. Anything that he could exploit to get the blade off his throat, it had begun to scratch and another jerk would certainly draw blood.

Phil found it, that spark. He saw something that he needed: unwillingness. He didn't want to do this, he was desperate. Desperation led people to do things they never would. Desperation was the cause of death more so than anything else. Phil could only hope that this would work. He looked down at the knife, his hands finding themselves on the floor before he pushed himself back in one smooth window and sprinted to the door. He turned, his hand gripping the door, ready to slam it shut as a knife met his side. Blood. He saw blood. And, with one more movement, the door was shut and the man was trapped on the other side, just as he was trapped in the building. Stuck in his own home with a knife lodged in his side.

He should have paid heed to the warning.


	17. Chapter 17

Dan woke up to darkness. Immediately, he jolted. Something was wrong if he was waking up in the darkness. Every day he had been woken by the sun's harsh light and now, he felt nothing but the soft glow of the moon. It couldn't be later than the extremely early hours of the morning. Maybe one or two am? Dan then realised that not only was it dark but it was not his bed that he lay on.

His hands shot out, gently touching what was around him to have the familiar feel of the sofa greet him. I sigh of relief flooded out of him. The expected splinters of the wood were expected to poke into his hands. No, he had left that place long ago. He was safe now. Right?

Something still felt off. Something was out of place. Something far more serious than he could comprehend with his sleep-laden mind. ‘Phil?’ He called out quietly, his voice hoarse from sleep.

No answer.

‘Phil?’ He called again. Still nothing. Dan searched but found nothing. Phil wasn't in the house. Dan didn't let the worry set in, not yet. Phil liked to spend his time outside, despite the dirtiness of the city air. Dan couldn't worry, not unless Phil was not there either. Dan tried not to think of that as he fled down the stairs, a little too fast to be passed as not panicked. The smell was what first him, rust. A thick iron smell suffocated him. Then, he realised, that wasn't just the smell of iron. That was the smell of blood.

His legs brought him down the stairs faster than he thought possible. His breathing was frantic, panicked. He couldn't say he was far from a panic attack. That gut instinct had turned into a full blown acknowledgement of what was wrong. There was no way that what he was about to find was going to be anything but grim.

Dan paused when the sight appeared. His next reaction was to gag, puke even, but he swallowed and attempted to keep his legs moving without falling- he had to help. Memories flashed before him but he pushed them down, they were unimportant now. Trauma was something for another time. Not that that would work, trauma couldn't simply be pushed away. Still, Dan tried and focused on the sight at hand- shaking and overt black spots in his vision aside.

Phil’s side was red with blood, the knife protruding out messily. Dan, once again, swallowed down the sick and reached out, his legs quickly failing meaning he ended up crouched rather than standing. Dan stared for what could have been hours, Phil still unaware of his presence in his state of unconsciousness.

His parents flashed before his eyes. Once again, they went ignored.

‘Phil.’ Dan’s voice was strained, quiet enough that Dan himself almost didn't hear it. ‘Phil.’ He repeated, the words choking out in hopes to awaken the peaceful-looking man. The peaceful looking man with a knife in his side.

Phil didn't know what to do. What were you supposed to do in situations like this?

His parents appeared again, blood ridden and mauled. They went ignored.

‘Phil!’ Dan cried out, the desperate aura surrounding him like flames. ‘Phil!’ He tried again, grasping at the man’s shoulders, shaking him violently.

A tired groan was what he heard first, followed by the obviously pained grown afterwards. ‘Phil.’ Dan breathed, the relief masked by the pain as he watched the blood seep from his side, gushing out faster and faster by the second. Dan had no idea what was happening. He wasn’t stupid, not quite, his parents had taught him enough but without a real education or any first aid training, he was almost as useful as someone who didn’t know what blood was.

A croaky word, something resembling _Dan_ , was voiced fleetingly from Phil’s mouth. He looked tired, drained and more importantly, dying. He wouldn’t, Phil knew that although he sure as hell didn’t feel that. Nothing major had been hit, Phil could tell by the amount of blood. Dan could not. To him, it looked like he should have already been drained of blood. How it was still flowing was unexplainable to him. He felt useless, he _was_ useless.

There was only one thing Dan knew how to do. One thing that he been told never to do. Not even in emergencies but in that moment, he knew that Phil’s life had to be put above his. He would have to call emergency services and get Phil to the hospital, even if he had to reveal himself in the process.

Dan didn’t have a phone of his own so, with whatever energy he had left, he burrowed his hands into Phil’s pockets and swiftly brought out Phil’s phone. Phil, even in his state, could tell what was about to happen. His voice was lost, though, he couldn’t do a thing to stop it. He couldn’t lift an arm, he couldn’t open his mouth, he could hardly blink.

Dan’s fingers pressed the buttons all too quickly, the numbers 911 flashing on the screen all too brightly in the dimness of the hall. Phil continued to protest, his mind screaming, his lips unmoving. Dan lifted the phone to his ear with shaking hands and listened as a shrill noise screamed from the phone- another warning call. Another one he did not listen to. ‘This is 911. How may I help you?’ The voice was kind, if not a little patronising. Dan felt like a child but like children do, he began to talk- a little too hurriedly to be heard.

‘My friend...my friend he’s been stabbed!’ Dan repeated after the woman asked for him to repeat himself. Dan still found that his words were rushed but at least comprehensible.

‘And what’s your address, sir?’ The lady asked, her voice almost bored. No doubt she had been doing this all day, she had the right to. That didn’t make Dan feel any better. Dan felt like he was being talked down to by a stroppy teenager more than he was gaining help. In that moment, though, it didn’t matter. Dan had to help Phil and this was the only way.

‘Um...it’s…’ Dan’s voice trailed off as he tried to recall the address and after a minute of thinking, he almost screamed it down the receiver. Phil was fading, this had to be faster.

‘An ambulance is on their way, sir. Can you please stay on the line.’ Dan nodded, without the knowledge the woman wouldn’t see it. He was too drawn to the blood pooling on the floor, the feeling of sickness rising in his throat.

_This is what happened to your parents._

He had had enough. ‘I know!’ He shouted, earning a worried reply from the woman, whose question had only seemed to be answered with that and a flinch from Phil whose fear was now solely on the shaking boy in front of him. Dan tangled his fingers in his hair, threading it through like a brush, the pain welcoming. He wanted it to go away. This, he knew, was the last thing he was supposed to do.

He wasn’t supposed to panic himself.

‘Are you alright, sir?’ That voice came again. Dan hummed, his panic choking his words down. A sob quickly rose in his throat. He hiccupped, swallowing it down but nothing worked. The tears were stronger, just like the blood flow on the floor. The tears spilt onto the ground as Dan leant over to examine the wound, the knowledge that if he were going to, he would have already thrown up his guts by now. The tears fell into the water, creating a pastel red- a paint of sorts. The paint of death.

‘Please be okay.’ He whispered. This time, the woman said nothing and neither did Phil. It seemed that neither of them had the strength to say any words. Minutes passed before anything happened. Dan wasn’t sure just how far away the nearest hospital was but with the time he had been waiting, he would have guessed far. Very far. Why? He asked himself. Phil couldn’t die but maybe, with time ticking down, he would- in Dan’s arms without the strength for his last words.

Dan threw away the thought. Phil would survive, he knew he would.

‘Sir, the ambulance is nearly at your home.’ Dan nodded again, still oblivious to the lack of vision the woman had on him. His unconscious must have been aware of it, though, he would be afraid for himself if she had the ability to do so. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Phil was far more important than he ever would be. Somehow, he believed that even in his own selfishness, he would not let go of Phil just to hide himself. He didn’t think he had the strength for that.

Phil had become his only friend. His best friend. You weren’t supposed to lose best friends. Or were you. Dan didn’t know. Dan didn’t know anything. Dan was naive. Dan was young. More importantly, Dan was a Neko. Neko’s just weren’t made for knowledge. No, they were.

Neko’s weren’t allowed knowledge.


	18. Chapter 18

When the ambulance arrived, there was no time to feel panicked. Dan's head hung low in defeat as he watched Phil be piled onto a creaky stretcher and into a manic ambulance, surrounded by nurses. For now, he had retracted his ears in but with the stinging sensation in his skull, he knew it would not last long.

He followed the men and women into the ambulance, his eyes never drawing from the pale man- who had been with him for so long now- whose eyes would no longer open due to the exhaustion. 'Will he be okay?' Dan croaked out, his eyes still on Phil's pale skin as the nurses began to work on him, an oxygen mask soon around his face. For what, Dan wasn't too sure. He wasn't sure what any of it was. He just knew that if it was to save Phil, he wouldn't interrupt. So, when a quiet shush came his way, he followed orders and busied himself with watching the work of the nurses, a red flush returning onto Phil's gaunt face.

It wasn't enough to bring Dan any sense of reassurance. His face was still no better than a dead man's and with his most likely slowing heartbeat, maybe that was exactly what Phil was. The ambulance, veered to the side- turning the last corner to the hospital- causing the nurses to all pause their work to recover. Dan almost spoke out, urging them to go on but it was clear that in the jolting vehicle, their work would not do much good. Anything but good in reality.

The ambulance finally pulled into the hospital and Dan felt his ears almost peeking out as the relief flooded into him and distracted him from the looming fear that had trailed him throughout the journey. He wished that he hadn't been so stupid as to leave the apartment without a hat. He hadn't done that before. Ever. It was just so late and Dan was tired and worried. In reality, he really had no excuse. It didn't change anything. Dan was going to be caught. Torture or death were the only two paths he could take.

'Sir, you have to leave him to us now, please wait in the waiting room.' Dan nodded and reluctantly left Phil's side as they hustled him onto a stretcher and pulled him through the large doors. Dan swallowed thickly, that was most likely the last time he would see Phil. He didn't even get to say thank you.

He held back the tears in his eyes, blinking repeatedly and walked into the waiting room. At least he could hope that he could keep his ears retracted for long enough to hear some news about Phil. That would be enough for him. He could only be glad that his tail had been tucked away in his pants. His ears were hard enough to hide. A tail, it was near impossible.

Ten minutes passed until his nightmare. He could feel his ears poking through. He tried to bury them behind his ears as his breathing picked up and his panic overrode him. He breathed in and out frantically, tears threatening to spill as he watched the nurse, begging her to just tell him that Phil was alright so he could run. Not that that would do any good. Running would be a death sentence.

Staying was a death sentence.

Dan could no longer hide his ears behind his hands, they were too big, his fingers just couldn't cover them. The first thing Dan saw was the man next to him scrambled from his seat, fearful of the tear-stained Neko on his left. Then was the woman on his right, screaming 'That boy's growing ears!' Dan wanted to laugh at the stupidity of the woman, of course, he was growing ears.

Dan didn't laugh. Not when Phil was getting surgery on the other side of those large, iron doors.

The nurse was the first to approach him. 'Please, don't harm us. Just, please wait there.' Dan scoffed, his eyes wide. Don't harm them? What did they think Nekos were? Dan looked around, dazed, to see all the people trembling at the sight of him.

What did people teach others of his kind? What did they say to ensure these reactions from people? 'I. I'm sorry. I don't want to harm any of you; I'm just waiting for someone.' He pleaded, looking wildly around for any sense of someone approaching him. Maybe he was something to be feared. With the adrenaline pumping through him and the fear thick in his veins, he would gladly claw down someone's arms. But, these people, what they shouldn't have done is expect that.

Dan hadn't learnt the lesson just yet. People fear what they don't know, whether they are told to or not.

'P-please, just wait there.' The nurse held her hand out as if he really was a rabid cat. He almost did fight back. He didn't, if only for the sake of his life. He had been trained well by his parents. Fights would get him nowhere. He, at least, knew that.

Dan followed orders, waiting, his jittery limbs not pausing their shaking until the nurse was back, two men- doctors most likely- whose muscles were prominent by her side. 'Can you please escort this...this out of the building.' The 'sir' had been long since dropped and Dan had reverted into his so repetitive state of self-hatred. When no one thought well of him, how could he think well of himself?

It was impossible. So, Dan reverted back to his old self. One that had been trapped in a shack, waiting for something else. The fate of waiting is always much more terrible than one with an ending.

Dan swallowed thickly as the two men, whose tall frames loomed over Dan's, grabbed his arms and began to drag him out. 'No, please! Just tell me how he's doing. I can't leave him here alone!' It was as if Dan knew it would do nothing. He gave no name and the nurse gave him no pity.

He was a Neko, he didn't deserve pity.

The two men held him down whilst the nurse paced, a phone in hand. She held to her ear as if a lifeline and when she hung up, she looked up, sighing in relief as she saw that Dan was restrained.

Dan almost relaxed too. Almost. Maybe he would if it weren't for the van rolling up before them. And, if he had thought the doctors were bad, these men were worst. Bodybuilders at the least. Dan didn't even comprehend running, these men would grab him in an instant.

He was passed from man to man like a gift- one that no one wanted in the first place.

Without a second passing, he was shoved into the large van and the door was slammed behind him. He was left in the dark, not a single light- no window. He couldn't see. He was no better than a blind man. He relied on sound- the rev of the engine and the rumble of the tires against the road. Then, he leant down, feeling what was beneath him and then, either side of him. At first, he only felt metal, the rough scrape of the metal uncomfortable under his fingertips.

Then, with a sudden jolt, Dan was thrown against the wall. With no seatbelt, he couldn't hold his place as they veered around the corner. He groaned as his head hit the cold, harsh metal but was glad that he felt no blood but, then again, without his sight, his senses were untrustworthy. For all he knew, a concussion was already in act.

He hoped not. If they were going to take him, he would at least like to have his wits about him.

The car, after five minutes of much calmer driving, paused. Gruff voices came from outside before silence fell once again and the car was moving. It continued to happen, every five or so minutes, what Dan assumed was the driver left and swapped with another.

Dan could only deduce that their destination was private. Only the final driver could know but then again, why didn't that person pick him up in the first place. An odd system was in play here, one that Dan couldn't comprehend. One that Dan was afraid of.

When the door opened, Dan wasn't sure what to think. The sun was down by now and the starlight was hidden by a thick layer of clouds and there, in front of him, was the sign he had been dreading his entire life.

ZOO. Was written in large letters across the entrance. With a special Neko exhibit. Was printed much smaller underneath but enough to advertise this zoo's purpose. Many zoos used Neko's to attract customers and although the cost of buying one was high, the income made by the flood of customers was enough to pay that off.

And now Dan was a part of it all. He could do nothing about it. He gave up before his first step. The coward. He had always been a coward.Although, he was a coward that survived and if this zoo was his means of life, he would take it with open arms.

Only he didn't realise that living in zoo did not mean life. It was a conscious death. A conscious, painful, death.


	19. Chapter 19

Phil woke up with a start. The lights had been switched on in whatever room he was in and the second he was about to groan out what he thought was going to be a 'Dan, please, it's too early' was silenced by the sound of heavy footsteps, multiple of them. Phil's eyes finally focused, the light still painful on his eyes, and he found himself not staring at any familiar room was a hospital room.

Phil looked down at himself to see a bandage around his waist. The pain returned. The knife wound. The knife. The pain. Dan. Where was Dan?

'How are you feeling today, Mr Lester?' A nurse asked, male with a simple brown hair cut and dull brown eyes. Phil didn't answer, his thoughts cut off but his mind still spinning. He glanced around the room, no sign of his short friend. Panic encapsulated him, his breathing picked up a notch but a firm hand on his shoulder cut him out of it.

'Mr Lester, please calm down, what's wrong?' The man asked, his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes flashing with a twinge of annoyance- clearly too tired to check up on his patients- it was the morning, after all, Phil thought as he looked out of the window.

'N. Nothing.' Phil shook his head, trying to clear his mind and steady his breathing. With mild success, he was as much back to his usual self as he could be. He looked at the nurse, about to ask where his friend was when he paused. Dan. A Neko. He wouldn't be here. Or would he?

The nurse, still scowling, went to leave the room, with the statement that he would return with a bottle of water. 'Wait!' Phil called out just as the nurse was about to pull the curtain behind him.

'Yes?' The man sighed, their exhaustion more visible than ever.

'I was wondering? Is there anyone waiting out there for me? Is there a way you could find out?' Phil asked, adrenaline pumping through his veins as the fear set in and the realisation that Dan may have been out there. And, if he was, what did that mean?

Phil remembered very little but yes, he remembered Dan. Dan was the one who had called the ambulance. Phil remembered trying to protest, his leaps sealed together by the sluggishness caused by his blood loss. A sluggishness that was still trying to grapple on to him.

'I'm sorry, your friend had to leave.' The nurse replied, throwing the curtain behind them before running off quickly. Phil's eyes widened, not quite understanding what he had heard.

Dan had left.

No, that wasn't what was important. Dan leaving could mean so many things, could have so many outcomes. Phil didn't want to hear the worst. He didn't want to hear his thoughts aloud.

Dan had not left, had he? He had been taken away. Phil knew by now what Dan was like. He was stubborn and would do anything for Phil because he felt he had to repay him for what he had done. Phil didn't quite understand that dedication.

He also knew that Dan could not retract his ears for long. The final fact, that Dan was definitely not covering his ears- at least, not when he had called for the ambulance.

Phil was now more worried than before. The nurse, who had just returned with a crinkling, plastic bottle in hand, looked stern but seemed to sense that Phil was in no right state of mind.

'Your friend,' he began, placing the water by the side of his bed, 'was taken away. He was Neko. I'm sorry.' Phil's eyes widened with shock, probably the reaction they were expecting. Or maybe they expected disgust? Fear? Who knew, Phil wasn't experienced with the Nekophobia that had spread across the US like wild fire.

Phil, for a short second, wondered how other countries acted towards Neko's. Phil hoped that somewhere, anywhere, they were revered. They deserved to be. They were beautiful, interesting and unjustly oppressed. But, knowing the state they were kept in his own home country made Phil doubt that they were treated any better anywhere else.

'Are you alright?' The nurse asked, gently as if he was as scared as Phil was supposed to be.

'No, I'm not alright.' Phil spat, speaking no further. He knew, for his own safety- something he knew Dan would want him to preserve- that he couldn't tell them that he knew that Dan was a Neko already.

'It's fine that you didn't know. Not many do recognise them, especially one like your friend who's rather tall for a male Neko. Just be glad that you're safe now.' Phil had to resist the urge to punch his nurse and instead, scowling heavily. His hands trembled, the anger running through his veins like adrenaline.

'Safe? Was I ever in danger?' Phil broke out, his voice louder than intended. That anger had morphed into something else. It coursed through his veins like fire. Dan hadn't done anything wrong.But he just had.He had just revealed that he was on the side of the Neko's. He had just revealed that to a society of Nekophobes whose aim was to eradicate the world of the half men. Because they were different. Yes, that was a good excuse, wasn't it? 

'You were, sir. Nekos are a huge danger to mankind.' The nurse continued as if Phil was simply oblivious. Phil wasn't. He was the only one who could see clearly. Well, at least, metaphorically, his contact lenses said much differently.

'Oh.' Phil found himself with no other words. He had realised his mistake and he didn't make a move to repeat it. Even if he had to lie, at least he knew that he believed what was right. Or what he thought was right. Does that make it right? He thought of Dan's face and felt so obliged to believe himself correct. Dan hadn't harmed a soul. He had to be right. But Phil couldn't see everything. Dan could be an anomaly. But, that didn't change anything. One human's wrongdoing didn't send them to extinction. But, it seems one Neko's mistake sent them all to the darkness of the afterlife.

Phil shuddered, this wasn't the time to be thinking these things. He laughed at how much he felt like Dan, the boy who- despite the lack of education- seemed to contemplate life so deeply. The boy who not let anything out of his grasp. That was what starvation had done to him, everything had been robbed from him so his only choice was to think of it. The more his mind was on it, the more he found himself questioning it.That's just how conscious beings are. If you use something enough or think about it long enough, you will find yourself questioning it. Questioning what is a question in itself that cannot be answered. That depends on the person. But, there is one answer, Phil questioned his own race's morals.

He couldn't do anything to fix it, though, could he?

He soon realised he was alone. No doubt he had ignored the nurse long enough for them to leave. He was glad for the peace, no matter how short-lived. It was something that allowed him to calm his thoughts. He needed to think more rationally. This wasn't doing him any good. He knew that, he saw the state Dan sometimes ended up in when he went down a similar path.

That peace ended with his curtain being pulled back. He had no warning and couldn't help but jump in shock as five people walked in, their police uniforms stating as much as Phil needed to know. 'Phil Lester?' One asked, a woman (probably in her thirties) with a long blonde braid falling in front of her shoulder. Her gaze was piercing and harsh, her dull blue eyes boring into him as if he were already guilty. He wasn't sure of just what he was guilty of.

No, he did. He simply wasn't sure of what he was being accused of. 

He nodded albeit warily. He had no choice but to answer, he had nowhere to go if he ran nor did he think he had the capacity to run in the first place. 'Well, Mr Lester, are you okay for us to ask you for a few questions about the Neko living in your residence?' Phil once again made no move to speak and only nodded his head. He didn't trust his voice. He hoped they couldn't notice the lies he gave from his body language alone. He didn't trust his speech as much.

'How long has it being living with you?' The question was short for a purpose. They simply needed to see Phil falter but he wouldn't let on that easily. He would answer their questions with as much as emotion as they asked them with. Although, he did struggle not to scoff at the use of it and not he as if they failed to see him as anything but an inanimate object. Well, if that were the case, they would have no reason to persecute him in the first place.

'A few months.' Phil kept his answers vague, specifics would back him up into the corner he had been so careful to avoid.

'Did you have any sense that there was something off about him?'

'No.' That was the truth. There had never been anything off about Dan. Despite having more secrets that Phil could ever think of harbouring, Dan was an open person. Phil had known who he was from the beginning. What Dan hid was for the benefit of others and not himself. Few people wanted to hear of the trauma Dan had been through. Phil had been given the start of the tale and it had put him off hearing the end. He only would if it were for Dan's benefit. Then, he realised, he might not even have the opportunity to hear the end of Dan's story because wherever he was, that was most likely not a place in which he could communicate with Phil.

'Had he ever told you that he was running from something?''No.' Phil made sure to not let his answers be too quick or too hesitant. He knew that he came off as awkward and vague but at least with that, they had no proof of anything. He was an awkward person and for once, that was helping him.

'He doesn't know anything.' Another officer voiced, placing a hand on the questioning officer's shoulder. They nodded and soon enough, each and every officer left, a few giving suspicious looks over their shoulders as they went. Phil made it his task to give them no reaction.No reaction, no proof.And with that, Phil was alone again. This time the period was much longer and despite being able to hear the bustling hospital around him, it was enough peace and quiet to have some time to think of a plan. A plan to do what, he wasn't even sure. But, what he did know was that it would save Dan.


	20. Chapter 20

Phil was released after far too long. After the police coming the first time, they had returned three times. They never mentioned Dan again but the suspicious glances were enough to show that they still were onto him. What they did ask about, though, was the man who had stuck a blade into his side.

In all this mess, Phil almost forgot he got stabbed. Almost.

As he left the hospital, the pain in his side was harsh. The medicine had alleviated enough for him to be able to walk but each time his foot pressed into the concrete beneath him, his side tended to curl up in pain. Limping was a much more accurate term as he walked down the final block and towards his apartment. 

He had called his friends and asked them to meet him there. They agreed immediately. It was clear enough the Phil was agitated. Phil needed someone to talk to. This whole mess with Dan was weighing on him like a pile of bricks. Everyone was against him and he was hoping that at least his friends would be more sympathetic.

He also needed help and he needed more than just one person. If he was going to get Dan back, he wouldn't do it himself, it was too dangerous and would only end with both of them locked up. (That was if Dan was really locked up at all).

Phil avoided thinking of the other possibility.

He arrived at the apartment with what felt like a torn up body. His legs ached and his side was on fire and the headache caused from over thinking was overbearing. He scrambled for his key as he walked up the stairs and up to where his friends waited in a small huddle outside of his door. Troye, Tyler, Zoe and Cat were all speaking in hushed tones which quickly broke when Phil made it up the last step.

'Hi, Phil!' A pause. 'What the hell happened to you.' The group paused, all eyes drawing to Phil's bandaged side, peeking out from underneath his t-shirt.

'Long story, can we sit down first?' Phil tried to keep a smile on his face but it quickly fell and he made no attempt at bringing back again.

'Where's Dan?' Troye asked, looking around the abandoned apartment. Despite the usual grime, it was looking a state. Phil didn't have time to clean, though, he had other things to do.

'Part of the story. Sit down.' He motioned on the places next to him on the sofa. Kat and Zoe took the places whilst Troye and Tyler collected chairs from the kitchen.

'What happened, you look a mess.' Zoe asked and despite the rude sounding words, it was clear enough that she was doing it out of care and not to be vindictive to Phil, who was clearly in a bad state.

'A lot. I was in hospital.' A few quiet gasps echoed around the room. 'I was stabbed.'

'Stabbed! Who stabbed you?!' Tyler asked frantically, his eyes wide with panic.

'I don't know, the police are on that. I see him quite often, he was...taking money from me and it all went a bit too far...' Phil trailed off, no longer sure of himself. This was the first time he had admitted this to anyone but Dan. And, it had been clear enough from the start that Dan was not going to tell anyone.

He had had no one to tell.

'Don't sound so casual about it!' Zoe chastised, smacking him on the shoulder, hesitating just slightly when her eyes drew to the injury. 

'I'm not but in all this mess, it just isn't the biggest of my worries.' Phil sighed, running a hand through his ragged hair. He had never felt this worn out before, emotionally and physically. It had all happened too quickly and now he was left to try and catch up. 

'Dan was found.' Phil continued, quickly and efficiently, devoid of all emotion. He didn't want to show his pain, it felt enough to tell them. He feared the reaction, he knew they weren't all too happy with his decision to keep Dan, even if they had helped him in the past. 

That didn't stop their sympathy. 'Oh, I'm so sorry!' Zoe cried out, wrapping her arms around Phil. He could hear the lack of sincerity (and maybe the twinge of relief) in her voice. The others, without a word, followed suit, giving sympathy with no empathy. They all had their suspicions when it came to Dan, even those that liked him in the beginning. He had been 'dangerous' since the beginning and their lack of education on the matter could only lead to fear.

Phil was surprised that he had shown such kindness to Dan too. Nekos, despite having been around for years, had a lack of information on themselves. It had been their death sentence. They were often against scientific testing because of their differences and that had meant that there were little to no records of Nekos biology and their history was vague and mixed in with humans. 

People were suspicious. A lack of writing led people to believe that it was for a reason. That reason being it didn't mix all that well with humans. A mass murder, genocide, war. Who knew. But, then again, did humans not do that to each other anyway? So, why did it matter so much that another species did?

Even Phil had only been told snippets of that. Told that there was little information and that there was one thing to know above all else. Nekos were dangerous and were to be reported immediately. So why has Phil not followed orders? What had made him rebel?

'How long has he been gone?' Cat interrupted his thoughts, standing up behind him from where her arms had been wrapped around his neck. Phil sniffed, blinking the tears away before letting out a shaky, 'just a few days'.

Cat ran a reassuring hand through Phil's hair. 'It's going to be alright.' Cat said, sounding as if she wanted to say more but was unable. Because she was, it wasn't as if they could save Dan. They didn't know where he was. But, that was exactly what Phil needed help with.

'I want to find him and I want you guys to help me.' Phil blurted, his words much more certain than the last. He was determined in this. This could be his only aspiration in life. He led a dull, mundane existence. This was his chance to do something more.

'What?' Troye spoke up first, his whole being incredulous, his face scrunched up into a tight ball. His newly dyed, blonde hair flashed in the light as he ran his hands through it anxiously.

'I want you to help.' Phil reiterated, directing the words very much at just Troye this time.

'We can't, Phil, you know that.' Tyler answered in place of the group, knowing that without the words there had already been a unanimous decision. 'This isn't about Dan. This is about you. You know how dangerous it would be to get him back now. We can't let you, never mind help you.' Tyler continued, his face as determined as Phil's owned.

Phil looked around, shaking a few strands of inky hair from his face, watching as each and every person brought their eyes to the floor under his gaze. They almost looked pitiful, in Phil's opinion. He stood up, scowling down at them.

'Can't let me? What's that supposed to mean?' He asked, his eyebrows drawing together. 'This is my life, I choose what I do with it. You are in no position to stop me.' Phil spoke out, his words sounding rehearsed despite being an act of impulse. Phil talked like he had rehearsed this entire scenario. He was confident in what he was doing and what he was talking about, there was no argument in it.

He would find Dan, whether his friends helped him or not.

'But we can, Phil. This could get you killed and we're your friends. We are not judging you for caring about Dan but we are saying that you can't do this because we are not watching our friend die. Not for a Neko.' Tyler spoke as if he had the backing of the group. He did. Until his last comment. The room split in half, split by a difference of opinion.

'Not for a Neko? What the hell, Tyler?!' Cat spoke up, her face furious. 'We won't let Phil do this but not because of Dan. If we could get him back, we would. Neko's deserve better treatment but we won't save Dan if it means Phil dying. There is a large risk of them BOTH dying. We can't let anything happen to either of them that is worse than the now.' Cat explained, her face distorted into disgust but Tyler only took the words in his stride. He didn't care. He didn't need to care. Neko's were nothing to him. He had nothing against Dan, he really didn't but Neko's could be dangerous in his opinion. He couldn't let this happen.

Tyler opened his mouth to speak but was immediately interrupted by a fuming Phil. 'No, you don't even get to say a word now. Get out.' A pause; Tyler didn't move. 'GET OUT!' Phil screamed. The whole room flinched and a few lips trembled. Tyler scrambled out without a word and Phil let himself relax if only a little. No one had ever seen Phil blow up. Never. Phil was the one they could rely on for smiles, even in the worst of times.

Losing Dan was something that had taken its toll on him and they all understood that even getting him back wouldn't reverse the damage that had been done. 'Please leave.' Phil addressed the room, his voice tired. He stared at the floor, not daring to look up at his friends who, without question, were exiting the apartment, fearful of another outburst.

Phil waited until the door had slammed shut to let himself break down. He was alone now, there was no reason to hold back. There was no dignity to uphold or any grief that needed to be hidden. He had lost someone he had cared about and only now was it really settling in.

He had no help, he was in this alone. Completely and utterly alone.

He let himself sob, cry, punch and tear. His living room became a pile of rubble and his kitchen became the place of smashed china. He didn't care for objects, he held no sentimentality over them. Except one. In a fit of rage, he had stormed in Dan's room and there, on his bed, was his favourite t-shirt. Phil couldn't help it when he curled it up to his chest and began balling again. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.' He repeated it over and over, rocking gently back and forth with the t-shirt clutched in his hands as if it were Dan himself.

Only an hour later did he recover, letting the t-shirt fall into a messy pile on the bed, his hands feeling light without the tense muscles and thick fabric. Phil felt like there was nothing left to let out, he had cried it all out. Nothing was left but that small light of hope in his heart that hadn't been diminished by his friends' refusals.

Phil would find him himself. Even if that meant not talking to his friends, which he did. Even if it meant getting himself into much more trouble than it was worth, which he did too.


	21. Chapter 21

Phil wasn't sure where was sensical to look. Dan had been taken by the authorities and under the pretence that he was alive, that meant one of a few things. The most viable option was that he had been moved to the zoo but then again, the chances that he had ended up in a local one was slim. Nekos were often moved to exhibits in much larger cities where customers can more easily be drawn in and there is enough staff that can care for the Nekos. Well, care was a vague term. That most included training, punishments and feeding times. Training was the key as to why the smaller zoos fail to keep Neko exhibits, having few to no trainers with the ability to work with a Neko.

The next option was that he was sold. Even if the authorities had taken him, it wasn't impossible that he would fall into the black market and be sold. Although, it wasn't common. It did happen, just as much as human trafficking despite their fewer numbers.

The final option was that had been detained by the police. If he was deemed dangerous, which seemed unlikely, the police could keep him in a solitary confinement for as long as they pleased. No court case needed.

Phil growled silently at the thought, tensing and releasing his fists in an attempt to calm himself. It had all been unfair before but now he knew Dan, it seemed even worse. Seeing the kindness that Nekos could present only made his will stronger. He would love to meet more, he would love to see more kindness because no doubt, even with the oppression, they would be kind creatures. Even if it wasn't in their nature to be. He knew they wanted to prove themselves and if that meant being kind to the oppressors, then they would continue.

Phil remained on the sofa until his rationality returned. He needed his head in a good place. He wasn't about to go on a frantic search looking like a lunatic. He would have to be calm about this if he had any hope of finding this. His only chance at getting Dan was pretending. He would act as well as he could. He would hide his own kindness, his smiles and even his anger if it meant finding Dan. He would become nonchalant- a cheap trick to fit in with the crowd.

It would work; he knew it would.

Phil stood up, raking his fingers through his hair before fixing it back in place. The inky hair was growing long, he would have to cut it soon, it was beginning to disturb his vision.

Phil ambled into the kitchen and found the phone, picking it up trepidly. This was just another thing he needed to do, he told himself. He had come too far to turn back now. Even if he knew that this was all too much just to find his friend. This had gone beyond finding his friend, this was something more now. This was vengeance. What for? He wouldn't admit that just yet.

He punched in the numbers viciously and brought the phone to his ear, waiting patiently as the shrill whistles reverberated around the room. Soon, the ringing died down and was replaced by an almost oppressively bored voice. Phil understood, though, he sounded just like that too. 'This is Phil Lester, I wanted to inform you that I'm leaving the company.' Silence.

'Is there an explanation?' The woman asked, sighing, reciting the words that had been drilled into her.

'That is private.' The woman hummed in response and scribbled down his name before thanking him and hanging up, leaving Phil in the deafening silence of his room. He sighed again, already beginning to block out what he had just done.

Was leaving his job really necessary? No. But, he had been wishing to leave for a while and with the sudden need to find Dan, he didn't have time to work. Or so he told himself.

As this went on, he became more and more selfish. Allowing himself to do what he hadn't been willing to do for months just because of a man that had gone missing. Yes, he was doing this for Dan.

He was doing it more for himself.

He was proving a point to himself. Proving to himself that he wasn't useless. He had never been depressed by that thought but there was no doubt that it had crossed his mind a few times. He hadn't done much with his life and with his dead end job gone, he really was nothing. Except, he was a man with a purpose which was more than he had ever been before. It was more than what many people were. At least, now, he had some sort of aspiration, even if it was short term. Even if it was useless. Even if it would get him in more trouble than it was worth.

He was still a man with a purpose.

Maybe he didn't have a job. Maybe he didn't have money. But, he did have purpose and with that, he was ready to at least try and search. He knew it probably wouldn't be easy and finding Dan at all would be beating the odds but he was sure he could. It wasn't impossible and that was the only thing that drove him on.

Slamming the phone down, he stormed to the door, not bothering to bring a bag, only stopping to throw some shoes on. He ignored the sting in his shoulder as he did so. He avoided thinking about the topic at all. Broaching that would only cause him more pain. He didn't need more pain. He had been given enough already.

He left the building quickly, glad to see it was still light. He wasn't about to be stopped by a man with a knife. He quickly shut the thought away, shuddering. But, he knew at some point, he was going to act his revenge on that man too. He was why Dan was gone. He was why he couldn't move his arm without wincing. He was why he had no money. He was the root of the problem. But, to get to the root, he had to go through the products.

Phil didn't have a car but the zoo was less than a 40-minute walk, he could do it fine. He had enough time on his hands, now. So, with his hands stuffed in his pockets to protect himself from the biting cold- he had been stupid enough to leave his coat behind- he made his way to the cities rather small, hoping that- even if did mean that he was locked in a cage- that Dan would be there and he had a chance at freeing him.

-

He reached the zoo just before closing time. He had half an hour to; one, find the enclosure, two, find Dan and three, find a way to get him out of there. That was if Dan was there at all. His chances weren't impressive but it didn't sour his mood. He knew there was no point in giving up until he had a reason to. For now, there was a chance- even if slim- that Dan was here. He would find him. He would.

He bought an overpriced ticket from a suspicious looking lady at the front desk and began to rush through the crowds in search for the exhibit. The maps were useless, only indicating the 'cats' enclosure, which consisted of large cats, small cats and Nekos alike. Despite this, it gave a general indication of where Phil had to go and soon enough, he was in front of the Neko exhibit. The empty Neko exhibit. Well, not empty. But, it might as well have been. In there were two sleeping Nekos- sleep deprived and thin, starved. Both were women with long hair, one blonde and the other red-haired. Both overtly and definitely not Dan.

Phil didn't let the disappointment seep in. He knew his chances were slim. Then again, it hadn't been long, had it? Dan might not have arrived anywhere yet. Phil sighed at his own pitiful thoughts. Of course, Dan wasn't here. He was never going to be here.

Phil was alone. Like always.


	22. Chapter 22

If Dan had once been a pet, he was now an animal. Locked in a cage, the key strewn on the floor in front of him. A taunt. They called it obedience. They told him for a twenty-four hour period, he was not allowed to reach for the key on their orders. Each time he did, an hour was added onto the period. Each five hours added, a meal was taken away. At the end of the trial, he would be unlocked and the rest of the tests would be done. For now, Dan was locked in a cold metal cage in an open area with nothing but a rag to protect him from the biting wind. He was tempted to tell them that he had no fur to protect him but he was better than to think that telling them would change his situation but give him another strike.

He had already had four. He was such a stubborn boy.

They say he was underneath the enclosure but he couldn't understand. He felt as if he were outside. But, the darkness made it hard to see and the only thing to light his cell was a lamp to his right which had yet to be turned on.

Maybe it was a clue to sleep but in this state, Dan was too on edge to take up their suggestion. He wouldn't close his eyes. No, even in the darkness he would watch and wait for the next person. He would growl and scratch until they let him go. Or killed him.

He was stupid for even thinking that they would let him away.

Death was the answer. Death was freedom. Death would be his wings. Death would be the end of this. He wouldn't be the lone Neko stuck in a cage. He would be in the darkness of death or the brightness of heaven. He would take either of the two. Both seemed as good as each other at this point.

Dan, for all his promises, did fall asleep. He passed out just before sunrise and was woken by the loud rattling of his cage. 'Wake up!' The man barked, shaking harder. Dan startled, shuffling to the back of his cage, the cold metal burning his back. He watched as the man, whose dirty blonde hair and scraggly beard didn't hide his large head and disgustingly rotten teeth, sneered at him.

'I'm being paid to watch you whilst you're here, scum. Little extra cash in the pocket, ay? Did you know that even the park staff don't have time for creatures like you: disgusting little things.' The man taunted, taking a place on a plastic chair opposite the cage, just behind the key. Dan had no chance at reaching it now without his hand becoming the victim of a dirty man's boot.

So, Dan sat back, his teeth chattering as the harsh metal dug into his skin and the wind didn't subside. His rag was torn already, the flimsy material nothing more than the thickness of muslin cloth. At least, he thought to himself, it wasn't see-through.

The man continued to talk, filling the silence with booming echoes about his wife and kids back in England. He had moved here for the money. It seemed a lot of British had. And, after failing to find one, had resorted to the trafficking of Nekos.

Dan had experienced that first hand.

By the time his twenty-nine hours were up, the man didn't budge. Dan looked up with pleading eyes but he just sneered. 'What? Am I supposed to let you out or something?' Dan resisted a nod. The man knew exactly what he was supposed to do. He just didn't want to. He enjoyed Dan's suffering. He was a man with a rifle, his bullet buried in the side of the deer, enjoying the sight of blood staining the ground and a successful hunt.

They were interrupted by the loud footsteps of another person, this time a woman. She looked much tidier, although a bit run down and was clearly younger than the man. She must have been in her early-thirties, Dan thought, noticing the almost imperceptible wrinkles around her eyes and on her forehead and the ageing of her skin. Although the woman didn't smile, she seemed kinder. Or, at least, fairer.

'Nile, unlock him and take him to the next training room. There is no need for this delay.' She scowled, crossing her arms and glaring before strutting back up the stairs. But, even with the terse orders, Dan was not afraid. He felt only relief when the door of the cage swung open and he allowed himself to crawl out, animal or not.

The man hauled him up by his arm, avoiding the cloth that looked like it could rip at a touch, dragging him up the stairs, down a dimly lit, grey corridor and to a similar room to before.

The woman from before stood there, her scowl as perceptible as before as she shooed the man, Nile, from the room and took her stance in the centre, motioning for Dan to sit up. He did as he was told as sat on his knees, his back held straight but his head sunk low.

'I am your shifting trainer-'

'Shifting?' Dan blurted out, watching with terror as the woman approached him.

'Do not speak unless spoken to, got it?' She growled and Dan nodded, afraid of the punishment if he did not. It was hard to tell what was to come of him. He had the same rights as any animal in a zoo, meaning punishment was not allowed without reason and had to be minimal. It was only, really, allowed in training.

And, it seemed, that was just what Dan had been thrown into.

The woman took a step back and began to speak again. 'As I was saying, I will be your shifting trainer. We like all of our Nekos not only be able to change at will but at ours as well whether it be needed in an emergency or in your presentation.' She paused for only a second when Dan started shaking, his whimpering slightly muffled by his heavy breathing. 'Shift for me.' She ordered and Dan looked up frantically.

'I can't.' He whispered. It was true. His parents had never shown him how. They didn't know themselves. Phil couldn't show him, he didn't know. Nekos had as much culture in different societies as humans did and with that, the shifting rituals changed. In his clan, as his parents explained, about a hundred years before, they had decided to remain in human form. It let them keep their wits and their strength and whilst their cat forms were useful for agility and speed, it was not what was important.

'You're a Neko. Of course, you can shift.' The woman scowled, grabbing Dan by his chin and forcing his head upwards. 'You will shift for me, now.' She ordered, her voice demanding and strict.

Dan shook his head, sobs soon wracking his body. 'I can't.' He whispered. The woman slapped his cheek. 'I can't! I don't know how!' He shouted, begging for mercy. He would go to the exhibit! He would do as he was told! He would do everything and anything but he would not change.

He had heard stories of changing, how your mind became numb and your sense of self lost. Your goals and objectives are still there but motivations are nothing. In cat form, the mind has to shrink to less than half its size. They had to cut out what they needed. And, with each change, the mind lost part of itself. It would never regrow to what it was before.

Nekos did it for various reasons. To run away. To be free. To fulfil curiosity.

'Shift.' She spat and Dan broke. Nodding, he pulled away from her and shut his eyes thinking one and one thing only, he would do it for freedom. If this was what it meant to avoid pain he would do it. Maybe, if he changed enough time, he would lose his memory as the stories told. He would forget his pain, torture, past and present. He would be free. He would be able to fly.

He shut his eyes and chanted, feeling his body crack and burn. If practised from a young age, the process did not hurt, he knew that. He was learning too late. The transformation was brutal. His brain shrunk and with it, his head exploded into pain. With the shrinking of his body, came the endless burning of his muscles and snapping of his bones. Fur grew and skin snapped. And, he was a cat. Unaware of anything but the pain scorching his body and the thing his mind was being wired to do. Follow orders.

The woman looked down, smiling at her progress. The dark brown cat in front of her was beautiful. Perfectly groomed and tidy, the old owner had done well, she thought. Stroking it to confirm that it was doing what was right, she reached for a treat and popped one into her mouth. This one would be a good one, she could see it already.

It only took the breaking of an animal to make them perfect.

The cat's eyes suddenly open and watched the woman with curiosity. She gasped. She had never seen this before. This boy was really special. His cat eyes, unlike the rest of their Nekos, were not the same colour as when they were human.

The warm chocolate of the human boy's eyes had been replaced. In its place was a black as dark as the night sky. Within it was the glimmer of stars and the promises of galaxies. They were endless, eternal as if this boy had lived far longer than a mere twenty years.

They locked eyes and the woman smiled, 'you're going to be okay. With those eyes, I can promise you that.' Then, as if nothing had ever happened, she stood up and put her facade back into his place. To instruct discipline, you had to look the part. 'Shift.' She ordered, a command leaving no room for question. The cat did as told and after a single screech, the boy was back, his body collapsed on the floor like a doll tossed to the floor by a careless owner. The woman sighed. The more he shifted, the easier it would get. She didn't mind, after all. She was already looking forward to seeing those eyes again.

It took three days and hundreds of shifts before Dan was released. His trainer, whose name he had learnt was Ana- specifically one n, not two- had become kinder each day and somewhat to Dan's dismay, she looked at him as if he were a miracle. He hadn't the guts to ask but revelled in the fact that his punishments were minimal and the pain dulled.

Ana was the one to bring him to the enclosure, up a set of stairs from the training room where not only his transformations had taken place but also the follow-up training as well. They stopped by the enclosure door, a simple metal door, bland grey in colour, with a four digit lock system that would release the Nekos if needed. Dan stared at it. It was his only route to freedom. Funny, he thought. The few things stopping him from running was a four digit code. With enough diligence, he was sure he could find what it was. That was, until, she covered his eyes as she punched the code in and opened the door, ushering Dan inside.

Dan didn't have the chance to look around until she closed the door, uttering a short 'be good for me'. Dan stared at the door shocked, close to crying but he had spilt enough tears in the last few days. He needed to be calm, for his own sake and for the others that would be forced to listen to him.

He looked around and froze. In the cage were two lone Nekos on a blank, white floor surrounded by glass. Glass that revealed the eyes of the public. There was nowhere to hide and nowhere to run. He was trapped with all to see.

He was a laughing stock.

He was a piece of art. An inanimate, non-sentient piece of art.

He was an...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

animal.


	23. Chapter 23

He was being watched from all angles. The eyes pierced him like shards of glass, leaving his bloodied and vulnerable. He scratched at his arms, small claw marks raking across the frail skin. He hadn't eaten in far too long. The diet they gave him was steady but small. He felt as starving as he was on the streets.

The glass wall was impenetrable as he had already found. Scratching at it only creating a mind-wracking screech, almost as bad as nails on a blackboard, and didn't leave any trace of wear. There was no way out.

Dan could hardly breathe. The air was thick and dirty as it passed through the thin air vent at the top of the enclosure. Through the vent came the only artificial light, turned on at night to keep them from sleeping too heavily. They wanted them exhausted, left on the brink. They would have the ability to change but not to leave. That was all they needed.

They moulded Dan to what they needed of him. He wasn't himself anymore. He was them. He was theirs. No one needed Dan. They needed a thing. A Neko. A thing. Morning arose slowly, the sun barely seeping above the horizon as the first people flooded by. The hours, as Dan had found, were long. He had to be up early and asleep late. There was no allowance on sleeping in the day. They were an exhibit people paid for, they wouldn't be stuck with a bad reputation because the things people had come for were unconscious.

Phil had awoken surprisingly early that day, too. His routine almost on par with Dan's. It was an odd sensation, seeing the morning sun rise from its haven. The bed that had always comforted him seemed scratchy and unnatural and the night terrors had woken him up in a sweat. He hadn't had nightmares since he was a child, the whole sensation set a deep chill into his bones. Shivering slightly, he stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen where he had left last night's ready meal on the counter. He hadn't had the stomach to eat it.

Pushing the small, plastic tray back into the microwave and setting it to the right time, Phil waited, feeling numb. He looked back, the door was shut. The door that Dan had stayed behind, hid behind. The door that led to the room that had been left to Dan. The empty room.

Phil was still determined to find him but the first failure left a heavy mark. He felt tired, exhausted even. He had had less sleep than Dan, even if his walls were brick and not glass. They each had their torments, each had their nightmares, their torments.

Neither had the will to try harder. Their pace was sluggish, masking the undeterred determination. The adrenaline had pushed them forwards. Now, all they had were vague facts and unlikely hopes. They had almost nothing. The fight was almost won and they were on the losing side.

The microwave beeped and smoke seeped through the cracks in the glass. Phil really should have replaced the microwave months ago, it was no doubt dangerous but now, more than ever, he couldn't care less about the bloody microwave. He had bigger things on his mind.

He didn't notice that he was eating curry for breakfast nor did he care. It was food. Best of all, he didn't feel like throwing it all back up this time. His stomach still churned and his appetite was lost quickly but he had gotten through at least half of it and was feeling slightly better than before.

He still felt like slamming his head against the table.

Something still felt wrong, though. Not with him. Somewhere in the plethora of harsh nightmares had been dreams of Dan. Stuck in that glass cage. In the zoo. The one where he was not. Something was off. Very off. His instincts were impossible to decipher properly but he knew something, he would have to return.

Today was as good a day as any. He had nothing to do, nor did he have anything to do on any other day either. Repeating his routine from yesterday, he threw on an outfit, put the tray of food back on the counter, tugged on his shoes and was out the door with no time to spare.

His footsteps rang loudly in the almost empty streets. It was barely seven in the morning. The zoo, as per the sign on the front gates, opened at six. Each footstep came less than a second after the last.

He arrived at the zoo in unexpected time. He looked up at the large, run down clock above the tall, iron gates and saw that he the time was only ten past seven. The walk the day before had been about thirty minutes. He looked down to his legs and suddenly the ache settled in. Somewhere along the journey, he had begun to run. Phil found himself even more exhausted than before.

Since when had he zoned out?

Phil was losing himself.

Remember a time before Dan came, he tried to remind himself. Nothing came of it. The memories were dark, blank and empty. He saw flashes of his mother, a happy childhood and then, nothing. Then Dan. Dan was there. Something was there.

Phil didn't realise just what a miserable life he had lived.

Didn't he promise himself, when he was younger, that he would do all he could to be happy? Didn't he say that he would never let his demons drag him down? Phil was the one that smiled. Phil was the one that laughed. Phil was the one who saw things as he saw them and not how he comprehended them. He loved the simple things, the beauty of things.

When had that been stripped of him?

When had he fallen and not been able to grapple back up?

When had he become depressed?

The gates were open and a few parents with young children walked passed the frozen man as he stared at the clock. He had zoned out again. Bringing himself to reality again, he blinked, focusing on the concrete pathway before him. Taking a deep breath, he began to walk again, focusing on the slow steps. He wouldn't let himself be ripped from reality again, he had to concentrate.

He didn't want to be like this.

Why was he like this?

He had never been like this before.

The exhibit was closer than he remembered. The glass was familiar and the presences inside it were too. Except one. They were in cat form, it was hard to tell but the similarities between the two humans he had encountered yesterday and the cats before him now was uncanny.

Then there was another one. It could be any cat for all he knew. There was something plain about it as it shut its eyes and backed away from the glass. It looked like it had given up.

It was only seconds before its eyelids peeled open and revealed the confirmation Phil had been wanting all along. Its eyes were the galaxy. Its fur was familiar. And, most of all, it was staring back at him with as much shock as himself.

This was what he needed.

This was Dan. 


	24. Chapter 24

Phil stared. The glass separating them creating an image as clear as day before him. He felt as if he were watching a TV screen. Dan wasn't there, surely. After all this, Dan couldn't just be...here.

The cat repulsed, it's hair expanding. No, this couldn't be Dan. They had established so early on that Dan hadn't the ability to turn into a cat. Phil had almost been glad. Dan thought of himself as different enough already.

But no, there could be no doubts. This was Dan. It's stance, it's looks, the eyes that drew Phil into another dimension. It had to be him. That pull, that was why it was Dan. They wanted him to know it was Dan.

'Dan?' He whispered, reaching out to press a hand onto the glass. His hand clasped at the smooth surface, his fingers slipping down, dragging marks down the clear surface, distorting the image of the cat on the other side. 'Dan!' He tried again, slightly louder. The cat twisted its head to the source of the noise but made no other distinct reaction to it. No cat-like nod, no approach, no noise. Silence. Confusion.

Phil jolted away as the bell rang loudly, two strikes, the mark that the next half an hour had come. It seemed had an implied order too because as Phil looked back to the exhibit, there was Dan, dressed in a loose fitting top and pants, made to show off his tail.

Phil's eyes widened as he ran back to the glass, pressing both palms flat against it, ignoring the patronising signs stating 'please do not touch the enclosure's walls'. 'Dan!' He called out, quiet enough to not draw attention bar from the one man standing on his left who walked away with a sigh from the madman on his right. 'Dan, you're here. You're really here.' He rasped, knocking on the glass. Dan just trembled, a look of confusion evident on his face.

'Phil?' He whispered. Only then did Phil understand. The glass, he couldn't hear a word. He could see the movement of Dan's lips, the boy was speaking but no sound but a muffled, monotonous tone came through.

Of course, what was Phil thinking? That he could come to the park and just take Dan away? What had been his plan since the beginning? Phil had come here with a heavy heart and a heavier burden on his back, expecting it to be lifted when Dan was in his sights.

He only felt the load weigh heavier.

'Dan.' He mouthed, as clearly as possible. 'Are you okay?' That was all he had to know. With that, he could feel better, even if only for a little while. Dan, after a little time watching Phil's lips move in an irregular pattern, seemed to understand Phil's words.

He only replied with a shrug.

Phil shrunk. Dan wasn't okay. Dan was trapped. Dan had been taken. Dan...he wasn't human anymore. Someone is only human if they're treated that way. Dan was not. Dan was an animal to them.

Dan was an animal to everyone.

Except for Phil.

Phil took in a shaky breath and bashed his hand against the glass. Maybe, if he hit hard enough, the glass would break. He bashed it again, the noise reverberating around the wall, scaring off a few young children and their parents.

'Phil stop!' Dan shouted from the other side, Phil could barely comprehend the muffled cries. He didn't want to. He was blinded by a wash of anger. He hadn't felt this before, this tearing at his heart that wanted only wished for one thing.

Revenge.

Without a purpose, anger is nothing more than revenge. The anger is pointless and incurable. Not if Dan was still behind those walls, trapped in a see-through cage, taunted by the shadows on the other side.

Phil paused, his fisted palm falling to pieces just as he wished the glass to. He wanted it to crumble just as his life was crumbling. He wanted others to feel what he was feeling.

He had struggled through his life, unsure and lonely. He had never felt like this. He had fought through his life, determined and strong. How had he lost that? He had given up in his life, hopeless and dead. He felt this would only be the first of many instances.

Phil looked up, his eyes thick with tears refusing to be shed. Dan trembled on the other side of the glass, cowering from the man with the blue eyes- eyes of ice. 'Oh god, Dan, I'm sorry.' Phil realised as he pushed himself off the glass.

He hadn't just scared away a few children.

He had scared away Dan too.

'I didn't mean to angry, I'm sorry. It's just...' He didn't know what to finish with. What was he supposed to say? His emotions got the better of him? He felt too petty to speak the words aloud. He looked at Dan. Despite the fear, Dan looked controlled. Dan looked like he understood what happened and accepted that. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe fighting would only make it worse.

Dan nodded as if he understood. He didn't. He couldn't catch up with the rapid movements of Phil's lips. Dan hadn't heard a word. From inside here, all he heard were the echoes of sounds long forgotten. Dan could hear his own breathing, the sharp rise and falls of his chest as they pushed off the walls and back to him. Back and forth. Back and forth. A torturous swinging pendulum of sound.

Dan fought the urge to run when a gentle hand was laid on his shoulder. 'Dan, you can't go that close to the glass.' The girl murmured quietly. Accepting defeat and looking once more at Phil, Dan retreated into the harsh light of the centre where he could be seen much clearer.

He hissed at it, not that it did much, and sat down with a scowl, watching as Phil stumbled away into the shadows. One more glance. Phil ran away.

Phil's legs were jelly, threatening to fall from under him. Dan wasn't his, he realised. For the first time since he came the day before, he knew Dan wasn't his. He couldn't get Dan back. No one would understand.

Phil had been defeated by himself. Hope was a dangerous weapon: a bomb glued to the owner's hands. All it could do was hurt the one that possessed it. Phil had mistaken the consequences of that. He thought the explosion wouldn't hurt, that he could forgo his injuries.

That was until he had been blown to smithereens.


	25. Chapter 25

Phil found himself at his front door panting as if he was inhaling his last breath. He sighed, clutching at his locked chest, his heart rapidly beating for freedom inside. Barely keeping his lungs in control, he let himself in and collapsed onto the corridor's floor. He looked to his left, staring gloomily at the tattered sofa- it's cover a faded beige, fraying at the edges. He could make it if he tried but staring down at his easing legs, he knew it would not be worth the pain.

He had run.

That was why he was so tired out. His legs burned from years worth of neglect and his eyes were watering from the simple pressure of the wind against his face. He hadn't run since childhood and even then he had not been the sporty type, happy to sit inside and chat with his friends.

Running was not an activity Phil would ever think he would partake again. He clearly didn't have the income to get a gym membership, nor would he want to and his new-years resolution of 'getting fit' had been forgotten a day or two ahead. He hadn't believed he would do it when he made it, anyway.

Phil couldn't collect his thoughts. He had been running. Running away. Running faster than he ever had before. Why? What was to be so afraid of? Dan wasn't going to harm him, he couldn't. But, Dan had harmed him. His heart had been weak and now it was crumbling.

Dan wasn't getting out of that cage.

Phil's stomach growled, filling the empty silence- and the occasional heaving- with a dreadful sound. He thought of going to the kitchen, it was closer than the sofa after all but when he got there, he knew he wasn't going to sit down again. The thought was too much to bear. He tried to think of the food, he needed to eat.

It only made him feel sick.

Lately, his savings had gone up. He had bought so little. He had bought nothing, in fact. Everything in his cabinets dated from weeks back. It was on positive, at least. One droplet in a sea of water.

Sitting here was doing him no good so, with the little energy he had gained from his ragged breathing, he clambered to the sofa and collapsed down and leant his head back, giving him an all too clear picture of the ceiling. He wasn't quite sure how you got rid of mould. He had never been bothered by it before so why now was it causing the thin hair on his arms to stand alert.

He shuddered.

He fondled around for the television remote and switched it on. Static. What else had he expected? With nothing to distract him, his thoughts reined him in. He was barely in the land of the living anymore. He wondered, for a moment, if that was what death was like, simply trapped in your thoughts for the rest of eternity.

He chuckled darkly, he shouldn't have been thinking these things. He was tired and Dan had rubbed off on him a little too much. Dan. He groaned. Why had his own mind had to travel to Dan? He had run for a reason but it seemed his physical exertion had not been for much, his mind seemed perfectly fine in bringing the images back even if second-hand.

Phil only wished he could do something, anything. He knew better than that, though. He wasn't a martyr, he didn't fight for much and he certainly was not a strategist. So far, he had come out lucky. And, he was grateful for that. He had found Dan, even if he wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing.

But, Phil was normal. Plain and simple. Just like another 90% of the population, he was as normal as the person beside him. He was still him, he was still as unique as a person could be- his DNA altered so little that his looks and characteristics are negligibly different from the next person.

That didn't mean he couldn't fight for he wanted. He just didn't have the energy too. Or the will. He liked to talk, to spread the world, to smile at people who deserved a smile. He had never had this before.

He had never been the one who couldn't smile.

He had had a plethora of emotions over his life. He had been sad, it was unavoidable. So what was this? Devastation. Maybe. He felt the same as he would if his mother had died.

Did that make Dan family?

Maybe.

Phil looked up, staring into the static of the screen. Losing his own mind in the insanity inducing squares as they darted around the screen, a mix of grey's and blacks, melding together to make an ugly blur. It almost represented what he was feeling.

Almost.

He didn't think he could describe what he was feeling. How were you supposed to describe a feeling more unfamiliar to you than it is to everyone else? Everyone has their fair share of heartbreak so why was Phil taking it so badly?

Or was he?

He was confused, each thought ending in a question. Each answer prompting another question. What could he do now? An idea struck, hard and fast- speeding past only enough to get a glimpse.

But, Phil held onto it. Held onto it like his life depended on it. It might as well have, his happiness depended on it. Life and happiness were not all too far apart. The idea was stupid and Phil understood that; he understood the risks that came with it too.

He didn't care.

He didn't care at all.

He just needed to tell the zoo that was Dan was his. He could pretend to be a trader or a transportation. All he had to do was claim Dan had been stolen from him (he neglected the fact that he needed proof in some vague hope that the zoo was lax about those things).

They would return Dan back to him and they could runaway together. They could go to a place where they would both be treated better. Phil could work a job he loved and Dan would be allowed to work too. They would make new friends, both Neko and human. They would have their fantasy.

But, that was all it was: a fantasy.

It wasn't going to work. Nothing was going to work. He would do it anyway. He would do anything for Dan. He loved Dan; Dan was his family.

Phil slept on his idea, unable to even think of moving his legs again, falling into sleep on the damp sofa, wondering just how the sofa got damp. It wasn't him, surely. The only thing it did for him, though, was wake him up as he fell off it, bashing his arm on the coffee table with a large clang. Nothing broke, thankfully, apart from a small bit of his dignity but he was happy to give that up if it meant that he didn't have to pay to get it repaired. Or go without a coffee table, he could do without it but it made a nice footrest.

The walk to the zoo wasn't nearly as traitorous as the run back. His legs burned with yesterday's workout but they did him a favour in keeping him up for as long as he needed them too. He wasn't willing to wait, anyway. He wanted to exhaust all of his options and now was the time.

After this, he doubted there would be any more options to exhaust.

Looking at the clock on his way in, he found it was early but not nearly as early as the day before. He was glad, he needed to sleep. He could count easily the number of hours he had had in the last week. It wasn't many. He kept on waking up, shivering. He was unsure why. And, sometimes, if he lay the wrong way, it would press too hard on his side and the pain he thought was long gone returned.

Once he did this, he would need to solve that problem. He could only be glad that the man hadn't returned yet. It was as if he knew that Phil was too stressed. How funny. Although, Phil really presumed it was because he didn't want to be caught. He could get a new victim, he was sure there were some more gullible people around.

He hadn't ever gone to an office at a zoo before and it was something he didn't particularly like. He put it off to nerves, mulling over the worst case scenarios. It wouldn't be too bad if he got arrested, at least then he knew he couldn't do anything for a reason better than he was too dumb to think of anything.

The main office, the name neatly printed on a small plaque above the door, was a small thing. It's walls made of metal, close to that of some of the enclosures. Phil smiled slightly at the thought that they treated their staff like the animals. He really shouldn't have been smiling, it wasn't something he should have been smiling about. But, he deserved the luxury right now. Even in his misery, it didn't mean he couldn't smile at all. A frown would only make him feel weaker, dragging him to the floor by the curve of his lips. A smile kept him upright as if the puppeteer's strings hung from each corner.

He knocked before entering, heeding to the bored 'come in' he was greeted with. He timidly looked around the office. It was decorated sparsely, a generic painting of a fern hanging behind the office desk and the floor space taken up by the table and the old-fashioned computer lying on top of it.

'Hi.' Phil began, taking a seat opposite the woman behind the desk, who didn't seem to have any qualms about scowling at him for the entirety of his appearance. She didn't even bother to speak but Phil didn't care. This wasn't about the customer service, this was about the lack of security.

The brunette started him down, her bob hanging around her face to make her jawline almost aggressively sharp. Phil continued, he could only comprehend the silent threat as one to continue. 'I would like to enquire about one of the new Nekos. He was stolen from me as I was transporting him to a complex in Washington,' it was where his mum lived and it was an easy lie, 'but on the way, someone unlocked my van and took him. I saw him in the exhibit whilst looking for him yesterday and I came to get him back.' He ended his sentence a little too forcefully but nonetheless, the woman looked unfazed, filing through some flimsy files until she found a sheet, covered in black ink- the words barely distinguishable.

She read it quickly, squinting to read the small print. 'I can only do that with proof of custody, sir.' Her words were venomously slow as if she wanted to inconvenience him.

'I'm sorry, I was part of the transportation team meaning I have no proof. Please believe me,' he begged, 'my boss will fire me and I need to keep this job.' He sounded desperate enough. It pleased him, he was a good actor when he came to it. Although, his real desperateness probably had some play in his role. The woman only sighed and shook her head.

'Sorry, it's policy. No proof, no animal. Now, is there anything else?' She almost sounded hopeful, hopeful he would say no. But, Phil wasn't giving up just yet.

'Please! I can't lose him, he was stolen. How was I supposed to stop that? I'll get you proof when he is given onto the next complex so please trust me and let me have him.' He hoped that he sounded convincing enough but it didn't seem it mattered. The woman wasn't listening. She was skimming through some paperwork, getting on with her day's work without listening to a word he said.

'Please.' He tried, grasping at her hand. The woman flinched, her steel eyes darting up to meet Phil's. Ripping her hand away, she spoke- low and threatening, an equivalent to a dog's growl.

'I know what you are doing. I can see past your lies now get out before I call the authorities and report you for hoarding a Neko.' Phil, apparently, had not been convincing enough. He scampered out without looking back, he wasn't going to risk it for such an obviously stuck-up woman.

Or a woman who was just obeying the rules, he would like to think it was the former. He shouldn't have been disappointed, he really shouldn't have. The outcome was inevitable but he had tried. And that, at least, prided him a little bit. The moment he gave up was the moment it was over and he knew Dan was never coming back.

He still had hope, it wasn't snuffed out. Not yet. Phil, staring across the park in the direction of Dan's enclosure, knew that it wasn't going to be snuffed out whilst he was still here. He was going to fight, even if he was too weak to land a hit.

It was the only thing he could do.

 


	26. Chapter 26

The walls of glass were nothing but oppressive. A taunt. He could see what he couldn't have, he could see it all. He could see the glimpse of a life that had been given to him just as quickly as it had been ripped away from him.

He was a disaster.

He had lost hope. It wasn't that his emotions were scattered or even that he was upset. He was hopeless. Pure and simple. In simplicity, anything but pure. He felt hellish, dirty. He was the scum on the bottom of peoples shoes. He had just been dressed up and presented as something else.

But, everyone knew what he really was.

What all Nekos were.

He had learnt to block out the endless chatter, the muffled mumbles of the humans outside and the endless chatter of the Nekos alongside him. The freaks. He called them that, even if not to their face. He didn't talk to them, anyway, so it wasn't as if he had the chance.

The brain-dead half humans, half cats didn't say anything of importance. Their view of the world was distorted and when it came down to it, they were only one thing: dumb. They had lived most of their lives in captivity and it had ruined them. Their sympathy still stayed for those who were like Dan, those who had come from the outside. But they lacked empathy. They didn't understand.

They were more submissive than Dan had ever seen in a creature.

He was afraid of what they had done to them but then he realised, that was what they were told was right. Like a normal person was taught that going to school was good. They were taught that obedience was necessary.

They never caused any trouble.

Dan never caused any trouble either.

He couldn't put it all off to their birth, though. He watched them when he could. He became part of the audience, he watched from outside of the glass. He watched them interact, watched them talk. He saw the fear behind their gleaming eyes. He saw the shiny teeth glistening with hidden tears. He saw the claw marks from where someone had gotten so frustrated that they had lashed out.

So how come it never happened out in the open? How come no one ever saw? They were surrounded by glass yet no one ever saw anything. No one saw a thing. They were as oblivious as they would be if the glass was opaque.

They looked on edge. He did too.

The bell rang obnoxiously loud. It rang twice, a command and then a warning. If another bell chimed, punishment was on its way. Not just for those who weren't conforming but for everyone. Group punishment, the best way to force disobedience into submissiveness.

Dan was confused, none of this added up. The bell chimed again and startled, he began his transformation. It still hurt, it still felt like he was snapping all the bones in his body but he had learnt to smile through it. Any tears shed were lost in the fur that grew around his eyes, blocking parts of his vision.

He was disorientated and then, as if a joke, the buzzer went off. The cue to perform. He couldn't in this state, though. He was tired, exhausted even. He couldn't move. But he did.

He had to.

He turns and he does tricks. He smiles, showing off his canines. All because the audience wanted a show. All because he was supposed to. Not because he wanted to. But because he was forced to. It didn't matter to Dan, though, the line between them was beginning to blur.

It ate away at him.

They say that when you are held in captivity long enough, you simply begin to conform to the routine. There's no point in trying to leave. You're there. The only way to leave is in your dreams but his sleep was too light to dream.

They forced him to remain there. They forced his mind inside of the glass. They forced him into their mold.

Maybe this is what ruined the others. Maybe this is what happened.

He switched regularly and often. His muscles tore apart and his bones began to distort but he knew by the end of the day, when he was given a chance to lie down again, they would give him just enough time to heal so he could go another day. They had their formula down to the T. Always exhausted but just enough to do as they say.

No energy left to run.

No energy left to do anything but smile.

Phil's smile suddenly flashes on his mind. The smile doesn't seem so hard now, thinking of Phil laugh. There was something that even a fictional smile could do that was contagious. It didn't last long, though. Thoughts drifted on and became exactly what it was: fiction.

Dan was inside the glass, not with Phil.

Phil wouldn't return now, anyway. He had seen Dan and Dan could see that he was as hopeless as he was himself. There was nothing he could do now. Nothing but leave Phil to live the life he wants to live.

He hoped Phil had healed.

He hoped the man that had stabbed him was getting the revenge he deserved.

He didn't dare think that Phil would return. The hope was enough to suffocate him. Hope had only led to disappointment and it wasn't worth having. If Phil came, then he came but Dan wouldn't hold out for it. He would let fate run its cause.

Even if fate was spiteful towards him.

The day was coming to an end soon, luckily they closed early, but the bell was ringing one last time. He had to turn again. He had to let his thoughts go. His thoughts became instinct when in his other form. He hadn't learnt anything better.

Suddenly, before he turned, a thought sprung to his mind. When was the last time he ate?

He turned calmly, it was less painful when he was tired. It took too much energy to even bother feeling the pain. He was too busy focusing on changing. He didn't realise that he was only clinging onto consciousness when he had fully transformed.

He could barely form thoughts never mind evaluate his well-being.

So, he smiled for the audience. As he always did. As he would always do. The black spots weren't suspicious at first. Nothing was different. It was like going to sleep, he thought. He didn't even stop to think that maybe he shouldn't have been sleeping at a time like this.

And just like that, he had passed out at the edge of the enclosure under the heavy gaze of a small child.

Screaming ensued.


	27. Chapter 27

Hesitantly stepping away from the office, Phil scoured the area for where he was. He hadn’t realised how quickly it was possible to get lost in such a small place but with little more than a crooked wooden post giving him directions, he was not surprised that he had ended up in the middle of nowhere.

Still scowling, Phil followed the trail- past the lion exhibit, then the tigers, even the fish before he reached the final destination. Neko’s, the sign much larger and clearer than any of the others. The main attraction of the park, the hybrids. Phil wanted to gag.

He wondered how it was that Portland had even acquired so many- Nekos were a dying species and to have three must have come at a high cost. Phil ignored this as he approached the enclosure to see a crowd of people huddled against the glass, trying to take a look at what was inside.

Phil looked around, hoping to see Dan cowering away from the action. Nowhere. Panic erupted throughout him, his heart suddenly beating far too fast. Phil spun his head in every direction, trying to find the easiest way through the crowd. Spotting a gap between two people, he began to push through- his eyebrows furrowed and lips set in determination.

Pushing through the hoards, he finally reached the front, taking large, heavy breaths- the glass misting.

'Dan.' A single breath, a single release of tension. A single second of calm. And then, a worse panic than before. 'Dan?' Hands pushed against the glass, clouds of sweat framing his skinny hands, the bones protruding under taught skin- it suddenly felt like weeks since he had last eaten.

When was his last proper meal? One that wasn't half a ready meal he had thrown in the microwave?

'Dan!' Face inches away. And Dan. Dan, head resting awkwardly on the cold marble floor and body splayed at an angle that could only be sustained by a fall. Dan was unresponsive. Even if he couldn't understand what Phil was saying, he could always hear him. Dan could hear everything, the dozens of voices all pouring with adoration of him.

Phil looked at the wrinkled skin of the hybrid, aged by unnatural processes. All he could think was: is that what I look like too? Dan hadn't eaten in as long as Phil hadn't. They were mirroring each other without even recognising it.

'Help!' Phil called. Why was no one else doing anything? 'Help, someone!' No one was saying a thing. He almost felt like it was silence rather than roaring panic. It wouldn't have made a difference to the atmosphere.

No one was helping.

'Help!' Phil called again, his eyes clouded with black- panic, panic, panic.

It took ten minutes for the zoo medics to arrive and drag him out of the enclosure, shutting it down for the day. Phil was alone again, the glass filled with a thick grey mist so Phil could no longer see inside. What was supposed to be for the sake of the audience was only playing games against him.

He had to see Dan.

He had to see him.

He needed to see him.

Phil had made up his mind before he knew it. He couldn't get Dan back but what if he took himself to Dan?

It was another hour by the time he had returned to the original office and slipped into the one on its left, hesitating to knock before he was called in. The man that looked up at him was friendly enough, his face wrinkled with age just as his hair was bled grey. He was balding, badly, barely able to say he had hair at all but he still retained a smile on his face, his faint beard crinkling at the sides.

A better impression than the woman before.

'I would like to apply for a job.' His heart was still racing from earlier, pumping adrenaline round his body in an incessant cycle. His voice was more resolute, though, the adrenaline matching the strides of his determination.

'Of course, what other reason would you be here?' The old man joked, the laughter lines prominent in his face. Phil couldn't help but smile too, letting out a quiet laugh. It had been too long since he had laughed, since someone had told him a joke. It had been too long since he had been happy.

'Well, any free places?' Phil asked hopefully, his eyes widening just slightly- the blue shining dully in the light. A glimpse of hope.

'Well,' the man looked down at a few of the sheets in front of them, 'we have these.' Turning four of them around, he pointed to them one at a time and explained what each one was. And then, 'or you could take the janitorial job. You would be working in and around the cat unit: lions, tigers, Nekos. That sort of thing. Would that work?' Phil nodded far too quickly but the man only laughed.

'Really need the money, don't you?' He joked, filing the papers away except for the lone piece of paper with the job description and person specification on it. 'There'll be no need for a CV, I trust that you realise you don't exactly need qualifications for this position. But, for the records, you'll need to fill in the application form. Do that and you can start tomorrow, training of course but we'll pay you.' The man smirked and handed over the application form alongside the original piece of paper before sitting back down at his desk and dismissing Phil.

Rushing out faster than ever before, Phil read the papers again. And again. And once more for luck. He had a job, one that actually had use. He doubted it would be any more interesting than the last but at least, this way, he could free Dan.

Because he was going to free Dan.

He was.

Income, check.

Hope, check.

Dan, in process.

Food, to do.

A simple list that was being checked off faster than ever. Maybe it was time Phil called his mother? Maybe it was time to go back to the mundane things in life. Maybe it was time to go back to the doctors and get his stitches checked, he was sure one had ripped yesterday. He would just rather not pay the fee- he was already in debt from the last one.

And then it dawned on him. He was stabbed. He almost laughed at himself, walking alone down the desolate streets back to his apartment. In all this drama, he kept forgetting what it meant to live. What it was to be human.

He had begun to live Dan's life. He had become an outcast. Suddenly, he regretted pushing away his friends. He regretted pushing away his mother. He regretted being nice to strangers.

He regretted a lot of things, he found. It was too late to change that but, at least, he could make sure he had no more regrets. He was going to be happy again, he would make sure of that.

He would also eat better...

A diet to make him fatter. Sounds good.

He smiled to himself, now this was Phil Lester. This was what he was like: happy, laughing, joking. Human. Not perfect. Human.

 


	28. Chapter 28

Dan woke up with the weight of the world on his head. His vision swam and his body trembled as cold metal brushed against his frail skin. Looking down in panic, he saw a doctor- dressed awkwardly stereotypically, like he had seen on TV- examining his stomach, the magnifying glass making his scars prominent and contorted. It was only a small burn mark, something that proved it happened. Nothing more. But, under the dark stare, it suddenly felt like so much more.

And what were they examining the burn mark for?

Had it stopped his work? 

Where was he again?

The training room. He recognised that, at last, as his vision slowly became more astute over minutes of quiet chatter and medical jargon he didn't have the concentration to understand- or the education.

He picked out the few he could.

'Anorexia'.

'Starvation'.

'Treatment'.

He winced at each one, gaining the doctor's attention over time- the tight bun on her head, stretching her face back revealing the flaky foundation after days of wear. The woman didn't look like she got much sleep.

She pursed her lips, the red lipstick flaking off too- the dryness of her lips made him squirm as he remembered what it felt like first-hand. His must have been worse, his was caused by dehydration and not just neglect.

'Are you awake, little guy?' The nickname made him gag, despite the soft tone. The woman certainly meant no harm. She was young, he could tell, but naive and ageing far earlier than she should have been. Stress. Dan was having the same except his was due to far worse circumstances. That couldn't devalue her struggle, though, and with that, he tried to be as polite as possible. This girl meant no harm and was trying to help.

Phil flashed through his mind.

'What's happening?' He slurred, the art of moving his mouth much harder than expected. He suddenly noticed the dryness of his throat and mouth, what had happened since he last...

Since what? He couldn't remember any recent events. Darkness, he remembered that- the black spots in his vision. And then, oh, the realisation hit him.

He had passed out.

Whilst performing.

In front of a crowd.

His body tensed, his back arching forwards, away from the cold metal of the inspection table. He wondered why they didn't use a proper hospital bed. Oh, wait, he remembered- they were animals too, weren't they?

Dan had almost forgotten his own struggles whilst trying to make light of others. He sighed, his body giving up and collapsing back down, despite the fear of punishment.

He didn't have the energy for this.

Anorexia.

Was this the lack of food he had been eating? But anorexia was when you did that to lose weight right?

Why was he suddenly hearing the words 'control'?

The panic seized him again as his body recovered, this time far more violently as he pushed himself off the bed and down to the floor, with little energy to stand on his two legs, letting him fall.

But, unfortunately, his plan barely had time to play through. As soon as his arms had pushed himself up- with far more effort than it should have taken- he was being pinned back down again by two nurses he hadn't quite noticed earlier. 

Surely he should have known there were others, the doctor wasn't just talking to nobody, even if there wasn't anything he heard that indicated somebody was talking back. 

The confusion distorted his thoughts, challenging his own thoughts as the world began to blur again. 'Dan? Dan, are you listening to me?' He hadn't noticed the girl talking,  watching the boy and the girl- the nurses- fussing about needles and medicines, hoping that none of them were going near him.

'Huh?' He turned sluggishly, his words still weak as his head rolled down, nearly hitting the metal with a crash if it weren't for the doctor's gentle hand holding him up.

'Dan, I said you're in the training room whilst we assess you. You passed out. Do you remember?' He nodded weakly, trying to forget the consequences of doing so. He had been told at some point, hadn't he? He had been told that sleeping wasn't allowed.

Was passing out under the same thing? Surely it was, it must have scared a lot of people. His mind flashed back to Phil again, had Phil seen? He hoped not, Phil wouldn't be able to take it.

For all his problems, Dan was worried for Phil. He saw how broken he looked at the sight of him. It made Dan feel so much worse and also feel so much better. Phil cared...but Phil cared too much.

Dan was worried about what Phil would do, something irrational no doubt. 

'Dan, I want you to tell me about your eating habits.' The woman talked slowly as if Dan were a child and not a fully-grown adult. He was surprised at all that she was even talking to him, at least she wasn't so stupid that she didn't think he could understand her. Well, in this situation, maybe he couldn't but he had to blame the- what was it that was wrong with his head?- problem and not his own lack of education.

'I eat.' That was not the answer that he was supposed to give and he could tell but he was too afraid of what she would say if he said he didn't. Then again, she knew by now, didn't she?

Anorexia. She had already diagnosed him, even if he didn't believe it. He didn't have an eating disorder, he couldn't. He had lived on the streets for weeks, months even, scouring for food. And then, as if they were his clearest memories, he remembered the times when he gave up. When he stopped eating. When he thought he was better off.

He had called it being suicidal.

Now, he had to believe his instinct. Control. It's all about control.

'Dan, I want you to tell me the truth.' The girl urged, her blue eyes widening, releasing some pressure from the blonde bun on her head. The blue eyes were all too familiar, such an intimidatingly similar shade to Phil's. Not dark blue nor was it a very light blue. Just blue. Phil's blue.

'I eat when told.' Dan spoke and it was true. He did. And that wasn't very often. On most occasions, the food was thrown out and left for any of them to devour. They had learnt to take shifts rather than ravenously race towards it- that's what they probably wanted but they wouldn't give in. They would show their sophistication. They were not animals.

'How often is that?' Dan didn't want to say that his point in the rota was so that he ate weekly and not daily. Three meals a week, not three meals a day. They fed the Neko inclosure twice a week meaning he was eating far less than the rest. 

Yet, they were all starving. So, what was Dan?

'Not often.' He whispered, his voice hoarse and unsteady. He didn't want to speak but he understood that the consequences may be even worse if he didn't. This doctor may have had a nice smile but she was naive enough to follow orders. Like the rest of them, she didn't see Dan as human and in her eyes, punishment was fair.

Punishment was never fair but at least with an animal, they are not conscious of their own self. Dan was. 

'You have to eat!' The woman was turning a bit frantic, she had probably been told that if any Neko died on her watch, she would be fired immediately. All the staff probably were. Nekos were the trophies of the zoo, for one to die would be a great loss in customers and reputation. 'If not, punishment will have to be dished out.' All Dan could think was that he was thankful that she was talking in the future tense.

He wasn't getting punished...yet.

'You won't get punished for what happened but we will have to treat you and if this happens again, there will be severe consequences.' The words sounded awkwardly rehearsed on her lips as if she had spent days preparing to say those words. He wondered what other words they pumped through her.

She wasn't speaking for herself, clearly. She looked like a little girl who was repeating a bad word that she had heard her big brother said not a doctor- or was it vet?- who was treating a patient, an important one at that.

'You will have to be moved to the medical wing for now which will mean the others in the exhibit will have to work harder but as soon as you're back on track, everything can be back to normal.' She smiled as if she didn't know she was blackmailing someone. She probably didn't. The words were as rehearsed as the rest of them. She wasn't even listening to them. She said them with such innocence.

She didn't realise how painful what they did was, did she? Dan couldn't hold it against her, though, not many people did. Phil must have been one of the few and even he didn't really know. He could only guess.

The only people who really knew his pain were all the Nekos that were being forced into zoos across the globe. Dan didn't want to think about it, their almost extinct species being forced into zoos not for protection but for performance- as if they wanted their species to die.

They probably did.

They had to.

Dan was getting more morbid by the minute. He nodded, anyway, accepting her words, hoping the medical ward was much nicer than this dank room and hoping that he may have a bed for the first time in days.

He hadn't been in the zoo long and he was still adjusting to sleeping on the cold marble, especially in his human form. Whilst the other Nekos had control over their cat form and were able to sleep in it, Dan was barely able to keep it up. The strength it took was unimaginable and only made the diet hit him harder. He didn't eat a moderate amount but for the work he did, it just wasn't enough.

Dan was moved to the ward the next day, after sleeping throughout the day and night with no energy left to remain in consciousness. He was exhausted, to say the least. They had gotten him eating again but still not enough and the food was as bland as what he had found on the streets. He may have been part cat but that did not mean he loved fish, raw fish.

Dan found himself missing the sloppy ready meals that Phil made for him. Even though the Indian curries didn't always sit well with him and the oddly crispy pasta felt odd under his teeth, it was still a delicacy that he had not had in a long time.

He was back to his old diet. It wasn't helping him pull through.

The medical ward was as bland as the training room. The clinical white lights pierced his vision, leaving strained purple blotches each time he blinked. The bed, although more comfortable than marble, only made it so he fidgeted that bit more than usual, unable to find a comfortable position on the thin, lumpy mattress. He didn't want to guess what it was stuffed with.

If it was stuffed at all.

The doctor was in and out all week. In the seven days he stayed, he was fed three large portions a day. He puked many of them up and was punished for many of them. Each puke was another electric shock which Dan was surprised to find didn't cause more sickness. At least, not after a while. The first day was the hardest, the second close behind but as the routine fell into place, the fat returned to his bed and the doctor's returned to their usual, friendly manner.

Dan couldn't strip their cruel grimaces from his mind as they watched him puke into a bucket before pressing the big red button: buzz.

On day seven, they revealed he would be released that evening. Only once he had finished his third meal. All of which had been raw fish. Or, once, when they had tried to feed him cat food. He took the punishment for not eating that rather gladfully. Part cat did not mean full cat, there was a difference they were unwilling to look at.

The words anorexia and control became a running theme. They didn't want to diagnose Dan with any sort of mental illness as if it was impossible for him to have one. Of course, Neko's couldn't be sad or else they wouldn't lock them up.

Naive.

He was thrown back in the cage after the day had ended. Literally, thrown. The guards had held him by the scruff of his shirt and dragged him along the corridor as Dan tried to scramble to his feet and threw him in. The doctors weren't there to help and Dan doubted they would. 

He was back to the cage, the glass, open cage. He was back to sleeping on the marble floor. That night, he didn't sleep at all, staring at the light in the ceiling that shone just like the ones in the medical ward. He didn't answer the questions that the others asked them. Why was prominent. 

Dan thought of Phil that night. Dreaming of their life together. He missed Phil and only now was it sinking in. He could distract himself with the pangs of hunger and trick himself into believing he had control but he didn't. He was an object to them. 

Only Phil made him feel like something more.

Because Phil was kind. 

Kinder than any other person he had met.

Phil could be irritable, angry or anything because that's what it meant to be human but Dan never failed to see the kindness in him. Phil was his rock, the thing that kept him from falling. He was safe with Phil. And now he barely had him. The thread between them was fraying, splitting at the middle, on the verge of falling apart.

And Dan was tugging it.

Tugging without even knowing it.

But Phil, Phil was clever. Phil was taking a step forward for every step Dan took back because Phil was on the winning side. Phil had the confidence. Phil had the determination. Because Phil wasn't trapped. Phil was free.

Phil wasn't an object.

He wasn't an animal.


	29. Chapter 29

Janitorial work was as exciting as it sounded. It wasn't as if Phil had been anticipating fun and games but the horrific sense of loneliness and boredom was already sinking in and he hadn't even passed the training stage.  
Two days where he would be shown around the exhibits and another telling him what he would have to do if he had to fill in the roles of any of the feeding stations would make up his training. Then, it would be up to him to formulate his plan, which was still unfortunately vague.

Being on-the-job training, he was already gaining a sense of his surroundings and more specifically, the Neko unit. Overall, the layout was simple. With the glass cage at its centre, the metal building led off the right where it joined the other offices. The training rooms, though, diverged from the rest and in the corridor to the offices, there was another staircase leading to the underground training facilities. They had deemed it the safest place, despite its dingy demeanour and cracking walls. If anything, it only made it more menacing, working in their favour.

Phil did his best to clean it, even, hoping that that would make it any better. He assumed it didn't but it was a step in the right direction: step one in what was beginning to look like hundreds.

After his training, though, the descending mood seemed to entrap him. Dan, who he'd had little time to see, was still locked away and despite his best efforts- he still had no plan to get him out.

Nothing that wouldn't end with them both being locked away, at least.

Phil's dampened mood affected everything. Despite his comfort in his new position, the bosses were noticing his slacking as well as his lack of care for any other enclosure but the Neko exhibit.

He was lucky enough that the office worker had not yet mentioned their encounter about the Neko, something that could destroy this all in a moment. That was all any of it was, luck. There were a thousand things to do and a thousand things to go wrong with each of them.

So, Phil picked up his game. Over the next week, he focused and pushed anything Neko related from his mind. And, in that week, there was a moment where he felt normal. The everyday routine of life was comforting: waking up, going to work, going home, sleeping. A boring cycle that was so much better than the chaos he had endured.

In a life where everything was crumbling to pieces, a slither of peace was enough for Phil to nearly leave his mission behind.

He didn't let himself think of that again. Dan was the thing that pushed him in life. Dan was why he had given up his goddamn awful job and pushed away his friends that clearly didn't believe in him. Okay, maybe that last one was a lie. It wasn't Dan's fault, though.

His new job, however, was something that Phil was beginning to fit into nicely. He understood what he had to do and he did it. It was all so straightforward; there was no guessing, no planning, no scheming. He just did as he was told and sometimes if he had the initiative to do more, it was recognised and rewarded. The zoo were surprisingly nice employers and Phil found himself doing better for himself than he had in years. Maybe the pay was smaller but he was willing to sacrifice that for his mental state.

It sometimes did distract him as to why he was there.

That's why, when he was about a week into his job, he finally decided to make a change. His lunch break was about an hour long and he usually, after eating, had about forty-minutes to spare doing very little. So, he dedicated those times to Dan.

It wasn't that he hadn't been seeing Dan at all. Well, actually, it was. Ever since he had started the job, he had decided to stay away. If he was going to think straight and make a plan then it was for the best that he didn't see Dan.

Well, that had been the thought. It hadn't worked out as he had hoped.

So, on the first Monday back after a calm weekend, he went to see Dan in the first time in weeks. The enclosure was devoid of visitors, the crowd on Monday's mostly being in the afternoon when the school kids came in. There were one or two who quickly dispersed and Phil's scowl, sensing the trouble. Phil almost laughed, he had never been a scary person but after the last few weeks, he had certainly learned to intimidate people a bit. Or just embarrass himself enough that they wanted to run away. Thinking about it, it was probably the latter.

When Phil saw the enclosure, he let out a huge sigh of relief. Dan was in his human form, looking willing to talk. They still had troubles communicating but with so little people around, if Phil shouted- even if it was a little suspicious- Dan could hear. If he couldn't, Phil resorted to writing on his phone and showing Dan the screen and although Dan couldn't reply back that easily, his body language was enough. He almost wished they both knew sign language but both of them were clearly not in a state right now to learn.

'Hey.' Phil smiled, keeping his voice low for now. Simple words were easy enough to lip read, especially pleasantries. Dan resorted to waving back, looking Phil up and down suspiciously. Phil didn't think anything of it, he hadn't been here in a while and Dan, no doubt, was curious as to why he was there.

'How are you?' Dan shrugged, his eyes downcast. Then Phil realised what he had missed, why Dan would be so curious. How had he forgotten? How could he be so oblivious? The last time he had seen Dan had been when he was passed out. He had been so panicked. Yet, he had forgotten.

How?

The curse of happiness. It must have been. He had been so blinded by his plan that he hadn't had the time to think of Dan. All he could see the was the long-term consequences of his actions, not the short term. He was living in the future. He wasn't sure whether it was worse or better than living in the present.

It had been like a coma had overtaken him and now here he was, waking up from his amnesia, the happiness all collapsing on him to reveal the true state of everything underneath. And dear god was it awful.

Phil didn't know how he was supposed to make up for that. 'I'm sorry I didn't come sooner.' It was a start, at least. 'I was busy, with the new job and all.' Dan's ear pricked up and his eyes looked startled. Phil was off to a great start, wasn't he? He couldn't even remember to tell his best friend what he was doing to help him. No wonder Dan looked gaunt. His hope had probably been drained for days now. Phil had been his beacon, one that had disappeared at the flick of a switch.

'Oh, yeah, that.' Phil raised his voice to make sure Dan could hear. Surely no one could harm him for telling a Neko about his new job? Yes, it would look suspicious but Phil was sure that it wasn't enough to press charges. Because god knows that in the last few months he had been seeing more and more news articles about Neko hoarders. It was like they were taunting him personally, appearing for only him to see. A reminded. He ignored them, never told Dan about them and for the most part forgot about them. It didn't quell the deepening anxiety within him.

'I got a job here, at the zoo. I clean this exhibit.' Phil didn't feel like it worth mentioning that he did anything else. 'It's fun, not bad pay at all. And...' He paused, taking out his phone so no one else could overhear. He typed, 'I've got a plan.' Okay, that may not have been the entire truth but it was close enough. Phil was formulating a plan. And he was close, he was sure he was. He took his phone back, deleting the message and replacing it. He was also sure that the other Nekos were taking a peek. He didn't mind, they wouldn't tell a soul. If anything, he was their beacon of hope too.

He wished he wasn't. He didn't think he could bear that responsibility. He would, anyway. He was never good at turning people down. But, then again, when it came to Dan he seemed to become far stronger than before. Suddenly, his hand traced the scar on his stomach. It was a reminder now. One that, like the articles, he tended to ignore. It was still there. That wouldn't leave him.

'Are you okay?' Dan mouthed from within, his lips barely moving. He looked exhausted. Nevertheless, Phil understood him. Phil nodded, as much as he could, trying to look positive. He was their beacon, he had to remain strong. He wasn't the one in the cage.

'I'm okay.' He assured, nodding along with his words to make sure Dan understood. Dan still didn't seem convinced, though. Phil, deciding the mouthing his next words would do no good, brought out his phone and typed again- this one much longer.

'I won't be okay until you're out of here but I'll survive.' Phil shrugged as he pulled his phone away and Dan only sighed, scowling slightly. He looked a bit lost too; with no way to write, Dan was often at a struggle to say much. They were running out of time, Dan would have to shift soon, and suddenly Phil's legs were bouncing up and down nervously.

Dan mouthed his next words, slowly creating each letter until Phil understood. It was slow but better than nothing: 'you make it sound like I was stabbed, not you.' Phil almost laughed. It was true. Phil was protective and at some point, it had become as if Dan was the one that had spent days in hospital and not him.  
After the whole...incident, both of them had been tortured. Phil found himself wanted to confront that man with the black hair again but he knew he wouldn't. He couldn't. He didn't have the nerve. For the hero of a story, Phil certainly wasn't very strong.

'I'm fine, Dan. I really am. It doesn't hurt much.' They hadn't talked much about it, avoiding the topic as if it were taboo. Maybe it was because it would just bring them both down. Dan nodded, looking down at Phil's stomach, trying to see through the thick fabric blocking his way. 'Don't worry about me. I'm here to worry about here. You shouldn't be here.' He mouthed the words and by this stage, he was certain that Dan wasn't the only one watching. He was sure of it. He could see it. 'None of you should be.' He added, giving them all a sad smile. He had taken that responsibility now, hadn't he? He knew, no matter what, he wouldn't be able to free them all. Only one. And that one was going to be Dan. But at least he could give them hope that they weren't alone and that some people were on their side. They at least deserved that.

'I'll be back soon, Dan. Always at this time,' he pointed to the clock, 'this is my lunch hour.' Dan nodded in understanding; Phil was still mouthing. 'I do have a plan; I'll get you out of here.' Dan nodded again and Phil could see it, the trust, the trust that Dan placed entirely on him.

It was mad to think that less than months before they hadn't even met. Dan had been on the streets, alone, starving. It felt like forever since Phil had taken him in. So much had happened, good and bad. In a story, the good bits always seemed to be left out. But Phil had been happy. With Dan, that was. Even when living in fear, they were happy. Happy because there was something between them that he couldn't explain. They were closer than any friends Phil had had before.

That was what best-friends were, he guessed.

And it felt nice.

It was also heartbreaking. This was heartbreaking. He would just have to focus on the good times. He would. To keep himself sane. To make a plan. Because if he forgot and let the coma of happiness take over again, they wouldn't get anywhere.

Phil was determined to win this fight. Because he never won. But he would, this time. Because this time he had something to fight for.


	30. Chapter 30

Phil worked at the zoo five days a week and watched as Dan’s form deteriorated. His cat form was little and bony, resembling that of a stray's, whilst his human figure was withered and gaunt, the pallor of his skin to white to imagine. Phil couldn’t do a thing but watch and wish that things were different. It was Dan’s fault, he realised, but he refused to acknowledge that fact.

It was not Dan’s fault that he was trapped but it was his fault that he didn’t eat, couldn’t eat, he claimed. He refused to be treated like an animal and his hunger strike was his easiest way to rebel. He had made the decision subconsciously, his own body forcing him to lose his appetite rather than any sort of active rebellion.

Phil had tried to feed him himself but nothing worked. Dan had become immune to starvation. He choked up each thing that went down and gagged at the sight of the fish they flung at him. He wasn’t an animal, he kept repeating that. Phil believed him but wished he would just act like it for a second.

To live because an animal’s instinct was to survive.

Phil didn’t know why so many humans failed that.

Phil was desperate and in his desperation, he began his plan. Within four weeks, he had made friends throughout the exhibits and had even talked to the animal trainers- specifically the Neko trainer, Ana. She was nicer than expected and Phil was surprised with the respect that she gave him that she lacked in her training. She claimed that they needed discipline and her strictness was the best way to accomplish that.

Seeing Dan’s state, Phil was not too sure.

But, in doing so, Phil had gained vital information. The layout of the training centre for one, from both cleaning it and being shown rooms that- technically- he was not allowed to clean. Ana had taken a liking to him and was easily manipulated. Phil hated it. But, it was necessary and if that meant asking her to do things that were, possibly, against regulations, then he would so.

The rooms he had found were things he would rather not think about. White cells, padded walls- similar to the cells that Phil had so often seen in American films when they flung the psychopaths into prison, straight jackets and all. They called it the ‘disciplinary room’. It was for those who actively rebelled.

Phil hadn’t stopped trembling for days at the thought of Dan being locked in there, unable to see anything but white. Dan had claimed he hadn’t been there before. Phil wasn’t sure whether to believe him. With his current behaviour, he imagined that the staff hadn’t taken it too well. He had been too afraid to ask Ana.

Other rooms were ones that were used for mating. Unused, so far, they were still being prepped. Dan was the first male they’d had, the Neko they had been waiting for. Phil had lost his appetite that day too.

Six weeks passed since Dan was first locked up and nothing had changed. The light in Dan’s eyes had died and the hope that urged Phil on was dwindling like a candle in the wind. He had a plan, he did. Sort of. Get Dan when he was in one of the training rooms, take him and run.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t yet planned for any of the consequences of that plan nor what could go wrong. A lot could go wrong. A lot. But, it was something, Phil decided- maybe to just boost his own ego or maybe because it was the only thing that allowed him to have any small slither of hope that was left.

Phil mopped the training room floor, trying not to ruin his work at the sight of the moulded blood- a rusty red staining the marble. Phil didn’t want to think about what got it there. Although, behind few layers, he knew why it was a reality he was seeing and not his own mind playing tricks on him.

Blood. Someone’s blood, possibly Dan’s blood. He continued to wash the red away, staining it with bleach and water. The water ran away red and the bleach hissed as it touched the red. Phil wished he could leave the stains there as proof of what happened but no, here he was washing the crimes away as if they were nothing.

He was just a janitor, he had no place in rebellion. Not, at least, until he found the perfect opportunity.

The door creaked open and Phil froze, the water flooding from his mop like tears.

‘Dan, what did I say about eating?’ The girl sighed, talking to Dan as if he wasn’t being dragged along by two of the zoo’s security team.

‘You told me I had to eat.’ Dan repeated almost maniacally; this had happened a lot, Phil understood.

‘And what did you do?’ Phil had never heard words so condescending, not even from his own mother. She spoke to him as if he was a child. Dan was short, yes, but that did not mean he was a child. He was older than the doctor herself, surely. Phil almost wished it was Ana here, at least he could talk her out of whatever was about to happen.

Phil sunk his head low and packed his cleaning items away before ploughing away but was stopped by a fragile hand. He looked down to see the cracked, pastel pink nail varnish and fingers that looked like they hadn’t seen moisture in their life- cracked and wrinkled far beyond the age that he presumed she was.

‘You can stay. This place needs to be clean.’ She smiled gently like she hadn’t just been patronising Phil’s best friend, like Phil meant something when Dan meant nothing. Behind that smile, rehearsed and precise, Phil could see that there was something else. Whether it was good or bad, Phil could not tell.

He stayed. Only because he wanted to see what happened next. Or maybe he didn’t want to see. But he had to know. He had to at least know what Dan went through. He took his mop from the bucket and returned to his old place, continuously washing away the same patch of blood until the red-stained water created a new stain. It was barely a speck on the floor but Phil kept scrubbing, the dot spreading through the crack and seams on the floor until it stained pink.

‘Now, Dan. I did say that if you didn’t eat, punishment was going to happen. I don’t want to but you leave me no choice. I gave you more warnings than anyone else here.’ She looked down at him pitifully, her eyes softened but the smile still in place.

‘Please don’t.’ Dan’s voice was a mere whisper, his eyes drifting between the floor and Phil, begging for help. Phil couldn’t do a thing but watch the water flood.

‘Dan, I can’t give you any more warnings. You’re distressing people.’ Phil fought the urge to say that it was her who was distressing him.

‘I’m sorry.’ Dan’s voice trembled, his head bowed to look down at his fragile hands, his ears barely peeking out of his curling hair- it had grown to ludicrous lengths by now and Dan could barely see in front of him.

‘I know you are, Dan, but that doesn’t change anything.’ She ruffled his hair and Dan winced. Phil almost ripped her arm away, his hand clenching the wood so hard that the edges frayed and splinters dug into his hands.

‘Please.’ He begged, the look of submissiveness a desperate act to keep his sanity.

‘Don’t worry, Dan. It will be over soon. We’re going to bring in a specialist.’ She talked as if he was getting therapy and not someone who was going to come and force him further into a place of submissiveness.

‘I don’t want to.’ He pleaded, his eyes wide, tears drenching the deep brown, turning them glossy.

‘It’s not your choice.’ She stepped away, hardening her features. She acted as if she believed this truly was the best method. Phil didn’t move, listening to every word, wondering if every animal at the zoo got this kind of treatment. The woman turned and began to talk in hushed voices to the security officers, one of them quickly departing- no doubt to get the ‘specialist’.

Dan’s eyes met Phil’s and begged him just as he had begged the woman. Phil could do nothing but looked hopeless, shaking his head, tears flooding his eyes too.

Dan didn’t resist the refusal but never let his gaze drift, clinging to Phil even with the chasm between them. Hope, Phil had been the symbol of hope. Now, he was a mere object to look at to distract Dan from his own world of torture.

Phil wouldn’t have thought, those mere months ago that Dan had first been found, that it would ever to lead to this. It felt so unrealistic- something that was never supposed to happen to him.

They say similar things about Nekos. They were creatures that were never supposed to exist- something categorized amongst mermaids and werewolves. Halflings weren’t meant to be real. Yet Phil saw one here and now, crying and shaking, his ears flat against his shaggy hair.

Phil had never been so melancholy at the sight of something so beautifully rare.

The woman returned with another by her side. They were twins in many respects, matching, tight-twisted bun and flaking red lipstick that contrasted too deeply with their slightly orange foundation. They weren’t ugly nor were they smothered in makeup. Something was just...off. Something sinisterly wrong about the way they stood, spoke, acted, like it was someone above the speaking through their mouths, moving them like puppets and stripping them of their will.

‘Hannah, you may go.’ The unfamiliar woman spoke, not looking anywhere but Dan. Hannah left alongside the two guards to leave Dan and the punishment trainer alone- and Phil, but they didn’t seem to even notice Phil. Invisible as ever.

‘Hi, Dan, is it?’ Dan nodded. ‘I’m Charlotte and I’m here because I’ve been told you’ve been naughty and not been eating.’ She leant down, her hands resting on her knees as she brought herself down to his level. She was barely in her thirties but resembled something of an old witch, her nose sharp and her cheekbones protruding from her hollow cheeks. Phil looked up at the fluorescent lighting and cursed them for revealing as much of the torment as they did. The woman, Charlotte, looked as tired as the rest of them- barely able to keep up her patronising speech.

Dan didn’t reply, only held his head down in shame.

Charlotte looked down at him, kneeling down to his height and weighing the options with her heavy blue eyes. ‘Dan, why did you do this?’ She sighed. With little energy, Dan shrugged, his eyes never leaving the pristine floor.

‘Dan,’ she repeated, ‘why did you do this?’

‘Because I don't want to be here.’ He whispered, his voice hoarse having gone days without being used.

‘And starving was going to help?’ Dan didn’t reply; he couldn’t reply. He knew if those words in his head were uttered aloud that punishment was going to be far worse than before. And Phil watched. Phil watched as Dan’s face contorted into fear and his trembling hands became tremors of his whole body.

‘Dan, you have to answer me.’ She spoke as softly as an angel- one fallen from heaven, it’s white feathers stained red. He shook his head.

‘Answer me.’ The feathers turned black.

‘I want to die.’ His words were so fast, so close, that Phil almost didn’t catch him. But he did, as did Charlotte.

‘Clearer.’ Taunting him, she smiled.

‘I want to die.’ Dan spoke with truth, something he should have never admitted out loud. It was something that he wasn’t supposed to say, taboo. Dan wanted to die. Dan wanted to die because after all he had gone through, once he had found a glimpse of happiness, it had been ripped from his own, bare hands.

Dan was a body for the human race to mould and to destroy. And destroy it they had.

‘Well done, Dan.’ She left a gentle hand on his shoulder as if he hadn’t just admitted to the worst of sins. She smiled as if he had given a compliment on her perfected lipstick- the one that was crumbling off of her lips. ‘Now, I want you to know that this is for your own benefit and nothing but.’ She was serious, her mouth settled in a hard line. Dan nodded and Phil let his eyes drift to the puddle of the water on the floor.

He wished he had been noticed, sent out. But no, he was a nobody- nothing worth sending out of the room. Phil wouldn’t do anything. Would he?

Phil heard the buzz before he heard the collar. Charlotte was in front of Dan now, pressing a button on a small, hand-held remote in her hand. Each time the button was pressed, the collar buzzed. Phil watched, entranced by the sheer cruelty of it. A collar to put on an animal- an electrocution device to punish them.

Phil could do nothing as he watched her lace it around Dan’s neck. Dan, whose legs were close to crumbling, didn’t move. He peered down to try and watch the cuff lace around his neck but his vision was too unsatisfactory. As he thought of everything about himself.

His eyes caught Phil’s again and this time there was no pain, no hopelessness, no plea. It was empty, a brown abyss of emptiness and uncaring. Dan had truly lost all hope and couldn’t even muster the energy to care.

‘Dan,’ she repeated his name as if each time it would make Dan trust her just a little more. It never did. ‘I’m going to give you some food. If you don’t eat it, you get a shock. If you do, you won’t. Clear?’ He nodded. ‘Then, let’s begin.’

The game began before Phil could even look up. Dan screamed, his hands clawing at the collar, sending further shocks through his body. The scream tore through the silence like a bullet in an empty house. The legs that had been waiting to crumble fell and Dan screamed louder as if Phil could help him.

It stopped.

‘That was for not eating before. Now, let’s truly begin.’ If Phil had imagined what it was like before, he had been wrong. He had been so wrong. There was no removal of liberties because they had started with no liberties at all. Physical torture was the only way to domesticate them.

Because that’s what Dan needed, domestication- like an animal.

It hit Phil without warning, cripplingly agonising. Phil hadn’t left because they didn’t want him to leave. They knew.

They knew.

Why else would they let a janitor see this kind of torture? There was no need for him to clean a floor that was only going to be dirtied again. They knew. Phil trembled and put the mop down, his lips trembling as a sob surpassed them. No tears came nor did any sound but the wracks of his body were enough to know: they knew.

Dan screamed again and Phil forced himself to look. There, in front of Dan, was a fish. Such simplicity, a meal worthy of no man- part or whole. Dan had shaken his head and was greeted with another shock, shaking out of him another blood-curdling scream. Phil wanted to run, had to run. But he couldn’t.

This was a show for him. A warning.

He knew as soon as the woman met his eyes, the smile playing on her face again. She knew. ‘Why?’ He didn’t even say the words aloud, the scream would cover it. He mouthed it, a sob escaping his lips so clearly that she smiled brighter. The screaming stopped.

‘Phillip Lester, am I correct?’ The woman spoke just as patronisingly as before as if she had just gotten the chance to free herself of the constraints of her work. She had finally been given a task and not told what to say. She was a woman with power and with that, she took pride.

‘Yes.’ He choked it out like there was dust clogging his throat.

‘Dan is not here simply because of his refusal to eat. I think you know why.’ She paused. ‘Dan is not leaving here, he is a danger to society in the wild. We are here to train him and here he will have a better life.’ There it was again, those rehearsed words. No matter what, even she still didn’t have all the freedom. She was still held back. She still believed the words they put in her head. That everyone put in her head.

‘This is better?’

‘It will be.’

Dan stared, his fingers gripped at the metal on his neck, pulling and tugging as if his strength alone was enough to free him and not the key that was hung loosely around Charlotte’s wrist. Phil didn’t do anything, he could only listen- his feet glued to the floor. He tried to move, tried to fight back but his feet wouldn’t move nor would his lips.

He watched as she commanding Dan again. Another scream ensued. Phil felt his knees buckle, just as Dan’s had. Dan, on his knees, tugged at the collar, again and again, as if each pull was dragging him closer to safety. But they were both useless. Neither could do a thing as she sent another shock coursing through his body.

What had happened?

When had humanity become so cruel?

Phil had never remembered it being like this before. What had he done to fall into the consequential sequence of events that led to this? He hadn’t done anything wrong. Nothing of importance anyway. What had he done to deserve this?

He had been given a formula to life- grow up, get a job, get married, have children, die- and yet that hadn’t seemed to happen at all. He had grown up, regretfully so, but had still had no interest in any man or woman, only causing him further confliction about his sexuality, and he certainly wasn’t having children anytime soon. Death, it seemed, was the item on the agenda lingering closest.

Phil’s life had once been so mundane that he had begged for adventure and now the melodrama was too close to home. He wanted to run and never look about. He wanted to forget that Dan existed and run: make a new life for himself.

He couldn’t. He couldn’t forget Dan. If the man himself wasn’t so imprinted in his brain then the screams would be. Whilst they were only trying to deter Phil, showing the consequences of his actions, it only spurred him on.

He couldn’t let this continue.

His feet, which had been planted to the floor, inched forward, barely lifting off of the ground. Each step burned the muscles in his legs, the adrenaline pumping the same signal in his brain- fight or flight, fight or flight. He fought.

Charlotte pressed the button again, the setting one higher than the last and Dan’s scream tore through the silence once again. Phil ignored it. Phil ignored it as it pierced his eardrums and scarred his skin. Phil ignored it.

‘Stop it.’ He hissed, his mouth so close to her ear that he was sure she could hear over the terror. She didn’t answer, only smiled; she held the power.

‘Stop.’ An order, one that went unfulfilled.

‘I said stop!’ He screamed, the shout burning rageful over the screaming. Trembling in his rage, he shoved her against the wall, his fingers digging into her shoulders; nails digging into skin and flesh bruising flesh. With the little conscience Dan had left, he fumbled forwards and grabbed the remote with quivering fingers.

Phil was blind-sighted, the corners of his vision shading red and his nails pressing further into her skin until he drew red from there too. She hissed in pain and tried to shake herself free but to no avail. Phil was high on adrenaline and he wasn’t coming down. He could barely breathe, each lungful of air heavy and important, filling him with another ounce of rage.

‘Please, stop! Let me go!’ He hadn’t heard her terror before but now he did. It was as if he had been given back her youth, her blue eyes wide and terrified whilst her screams matched Dan’s. No one entered the room. Screaming, most obviously, was nothing out of place.

He didn’t realise either when his fist collided with her skull with a thickened crack. She collapsed, quickly unconscious under the pressure that Phil had never believed he was capable of. He turned with wide-eyed as his trembles moved from terror to fear and sobs returned to his throat. In the corner, huddled inwards like a snail trying to retract into its shell, was Dan. Tears lined his cheeks like the frame of a painting; if it were not for the sadness of it, Phil would have revelled in its beauty.

They stared as it dawned upon both of them, slow and foreboding, they had just relieved themselves of all options. They had one: run. And, suddenly it was as if they had ruined everything.

‘Dan,’ he stumbled across the floor to where the Neko hid himself, ‘Dan, I’m so sorry.’ Phil collapsed to his knees, ignoring the sharp sting of the harsh floor on his bone, and gathered Dan into his arms. If Dan didn’t want it, he made no visible signs of struggle, sinking into the safety of Phil’s warmth. ‘I’m so sorry.’ He repeated. It was his fault. He blamed himself. It was his fault.

Dan shook his head.

‘I’m sorry.’ Phil sobbed, the tears finally flowing from his eyes, glistening waterfalls down pale cheeks.

Dan looked up, his brown eyes wide with fear. He didn’t speak but pointed to the harness around his neck with visible franticness. ‘Oh god, I’m so sorry.’ Phil apologised again, the tears running so fast that his quaking fingers could barely undo the clasp that stuck it together. He couldn’t do it. The key! Fumbling over the floor, he searched the collapsed body, too afraid to check her state but frantically taking the key from her wrist. Languidly, his energy depleting quickly, he made it back to Dan, finding the lock and pushing the key in and opening it with a loud, booming click.

Dan choked and wheezed out a harsh cough as his silent hands grabbed at his bare throat as if to put it back. ‘Dan, we have to go.’ Phil panted, the adrenaline still pumping strongly through his veins- refusing to let him forget about their situation and stay still. Refusing him to help.

Dan still couldn’t speak, his mouth sealed shut even when it opened to let out more screams. He nodded, the change barely susceptible behind the water. Phil found his feet and held out his hand for Dan, ignoring how their shaking hands remained clasped even when they stood. It was for their own sanity; they would not split again.

Phil made his way to the door but a tugging arm stopped him in his tracks. Dan, with fierce determination, clawed his hands, trying to indicate something. Phil almost wanted to laugh at the silliness of the action until he finally understood.

‘Dan, you can’t do that.’ Dan’s eyebrows furrowed as he returned with a defiant nod: a silent, ‘I can’.

‘Don’t.’ He shook his head.

‘It’s not the only option.’ He shook his head again.

‘You’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you?’ A nod.

Phil let go of the hand and watched as Dan took a step back, the fear masked by passion as he screwed his eyes tight and let the change take over. Phil understood why he wanted to. A cat was much easier to sneak out than a hybrid-human but seeing the change made Phil wanted to gag. He could see each bone crack and the wincing of Dan’s withered form. It took a minute for him to change fully, the pain making the process long and arduous. They were running out of time.

Phil hurried to the corner of the room where his cleaning supplies waited, his backpack tucked underneath. ‘Dan, I need you to get in this.’ Phil couldn’t meet the cat’s eyes, wishing he could pretend that there wasn’t a human behind those midnight eyes.

Dan nodded, as much as a cat could, and slinked towards the open backpack, crawling in and curling up into himself with an odd litheness that human Dan did not possess. Zipping the bag up with a final ‘I’m sorry’, Phil gently pulled the backpack onto his back and let himself get used to the weight. As he opened the door, he checked for staff and was ecstatic to find it empty, although the small mumble of voices in the background was evident.

With what seemed like practised ease, Phil paced down the corridors- too fast to be caught but slow enough that he would garner suspicious. His usual clumsiness was replaced with the importance of the situation. The weight on his back was a reminder of what he had to do. The plan had to be shifted to accommodate the change in timings and in the overall plan but Phil could do it. All they had to do, for now, was get out of the zoo.

That was it.

But there were too many things that could go wrong.

Phil finally made it to the ground and quickly threw himself in the direction of the staff room and into the toilets before anyone could begin to chatter with him. Suddenly, he found himself regretting his choice to make friends. In the end, it had made no difference to the plan and was only acting as a hindrance to the new one.

He got changed in record speed, opening the bag to let Dan breathe. Phil couldn’t hear anything but the muffled voices on the other side of the door and the ragged breathing of the cat in the bag. Phil didn’t want to think about how afraid Dan was, right now. Once the shock wore off them both, he was sure it would settle in.

Zipping the bag back up, Phil settled it on his back once again and ran. This time he ran. There was no time for hesitation and no one would have the chance to stop him. Within the minute, he was out of the gate and within another five he was at his apartment block. He could hear Dan’s whimpers from behind him and he was sure the jostling was not helping but he would be let out soon.

All of it would be okay soon.

Phil opened the door with fumbling hands and fell up the stairs until he was at his door again; another key in the lock and he was inside, his breath ragged and his hair stuck by sweat to his forehead. The backpack almost fell off as Phil brought it out to his stomach and unzipped it, letting the cat poke it’s head out and stare, wide-eyed at the familiar scenery around them.

‘I’m sure you remember where your room is. Go and rest, turn back if you want to. I’ve got a lot to sort out.’ Without any indication as to his understanding, Dan left, slipping easily into his old room, the door left open without the ability to shut it, the light flooding up to Phil’s feet.

With a groan, Phil stumbled to the sofa and collapsed, his legs weak and his eyes still watering. It was setting in. It was all setting in. ‘What have I done?’ He whispered to himself, his head landing in his hands, his leg bouncing up and down sporadically- a chaotic rhythm echoing throughout the apartment. ‘What have I done?’ He repeated, finding that the self-deprecation did little to help.

Leaning back and letting his head hit the backrest of the sofa, he let himself drift in and out, wishing it to all be a dream. That he would wake up, back in his mum’s house, aged eighteen, before this had all happened. This was just a stupid dream, yes, a dream.

It wasn’t a dream.

Phil hadn’t realised his eyes were shut until they flung open in shock at the gentle hand shaking his shoulder. ‘Phil?’ It was Dan, his voice so broken that he could barely utter the words. His first words in so long.

‘Dan! Are you okay?’ He panicked, forgetting that he had fallen asleep on the sofa and that his back was torturing him and placing the back of his hand to Dan’s forehead to check for a temperature and searching his body for any signs of harm.

There were too many to count.

Dan shrugged. It was the best response he could muster and Phil sighed, the energy slipping out of him just as his conscious was. ‘What are we going to do?’ Dan whispered and although he was standing and Phil was sitting, he was barely taller, their eyes meeting easily.

‘We have to leave.’ Phil’s face fell, it only dawning upon him as he spoke. ‘They know it was me who got you out of there. They have my records so they can stop me from travelling. We have to get out of here as quickly as possible. I’ll sort the rest out later.’ The plan was formed as he spoke, running on impulse and not logic. There was no time to think things through now. The shock, although wearing off, was still there. Still pushing him onwards. It was the only thing pushing him onwards.

‘Where are we going to go?’ Dan spoke slowly, as if each word was harder than the last, coughing at intervals to clear his hoarse throat. Phil understood the toll that his throat had just gone through and didn’t mention it. It would heal itself soon.

Phil paused for a second, thinking over Dan’s question. Where could they go? No one would take a Neko in. No friend was close enough to Phil to save him. But, he had more than just friends. ‘My mum, she lives a state over, we can get the bus there. She’ll help, I’m sure of it.’ Dan nodded and smiled so wanly that Phil almost didn’t notice it. But he saw something else, something he had wanted to beg for only hours before.

The hope in his eyes, those midnight eyes, were back.


	31. Chapter 31

Packing their things was an easier task than expected. Dan, who had little to his name, had little more than a backpack with few items of clothing that Phil had bought him when he had lived in the apartment. Phil had a slightly harder job, with years worth of stuff to pack, but found that, in the end, he had practically no sentimental attachment to any of it and quickly packed it into a small suitcase. If anything, most of his stuff was still at his mum's. He hadn't had the storage to keep it anywhere else.

'Dan, are you ready?' Phil called out from the door, tying his laces into hasty knots that would fall out as soon as he started walking and made up a monstrosity of a tower on his sneakers.

The Neko scuttled out, his head bowed in defeat as he searched for anything else, dismayed at the fact that was nothing left to find. They didn't speak, their previous words having no importance. They weren't ready to talk about what had happened.

Dan certainly wasn't ready to argue against Phil that it wasn't worth saving him; his efforts would be futile and would only upset his friend. 'Yeah.' He replied quietly, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and slipping his feet into some already laced trainers, watching as Phil got to his feet and rustled around for his keys, giving the apartment one last wistful look.

'I'll miss you, apartment.' Phil joked, a sad smile gracing his face. Dan flinched away, still blaming himself for all of it. For now, he would hold his head high. To keep Phil safe, he argued. Phil came before him and no, he wasn't being a martyr. Phil had done so much good and deserved someone to help him for once and although Dan would only drag Phil down, he couldn't let Phil's effort go to waste. Without Dan, this situation wouldn't have arisen but without Dan now, the situation would have been pointless and Phil would be running away with nothing to his name, not even a good deed.

'Definitely nothing left?' Phil turned down to Dan, their difference in height less comical after months of living together- it was only around a head or so anyway. Dan nodded reluctantly, wishing they could stay one more day. No matter what he said, Dan had formed an attachment to the place. It was the place that saved him and leaving it behind was as hard as it had been the first time. And at least then he hadn't had the option to go back.

Dan still felt unsettled by the amount of control he had and although he was glad that Phil had taken the reins, (which he again found was a burden that the man didn't need on his shoulders, adding another bout of guilt to Dan's conscious) he still felt all to able to change his fate. With every step they took, there was the fear that it had been the wrong one and one mistake would lead them to unimaginably bad places.

And no matter how much Phil comforted him, the bad thoughts would not leave.

With a final glance over his shoulder, Phil opened the door, letting Dan out first and locking it behind them. Three times, the complicated lock system being used for the first time. Phil, although he didn't think he would return, would rather it wasn't burgled before he could sell it. He still hoped that would be possible whilst he wasn't near the location, unable to visit and now a registered criminal, most likely.

Dragging a suitcase down the stairs behind them, they walked in silence, too little words to make conversation. No 'are you alright?'s were going to do, both already knew the answer. Any 'what have you been up to?'s were already filled in and any 'are you sure we should be doing this?'s would only cause their brains to circulate more than they already did.

The unwillingness to leave was beginning to shine through but they both knew they had no choice in the matter. Dan was a fugitive and Phil was on the run. He almost wished those words made him feel better. Wasn't it supposed to feel like it did in the movies where they were running and staying in hotels and going to secret clubs where their contacts were?

None of that happened. No, they were running to his mum's house in attempts to hide and had no plans for the future, no friends left to run to and no secure position. It was still unconfirmed that Phil's mum would be okay with this. He had told her he was coming to see her but he hadn't said anything about the circumstances, too afraid of the easy rejection.

Hopefully, if they came in person, she would be willing to let Dan in. It was too easy to push someone away when it wasn't to their face.

Easily winding their way down the chilling streets, they made their way to the bus depot, the morning light hidden behind layers of dark clouds, the impending rain only making the mood more miserable. Dan and Phil bustled inside, feeling the first few drops of rain trickling down the back of their necks and went to the front desk.

Despite Phil's obvious fear, he had to try this. He had never been asked his name before and if he was, surely they wouldn't check it? If that was the case, he had made them up some names and he could only pay in cash but he wasn't sure if he could deliver them with any sort of confidence that was required, his pale hands trembling visibly under the harsh, white lights.

Queuing was torture and it wasn't long before Phil told Dan to go sit on the benches, letting him play on his phone for a while, ignoring how confused Dan looked when pressing the screen. He had seen a phone before, he had been on Phil's plenty of times but that didn't change the fact that after a childhood of being deprived of the machines, he still found it odd to have one in his hand. Phil would have to get him his own one. It would come with a lot of positives and would make communication much easier.

Finally at the front of the queue, Phil let out a final huff of breath before walking as calmly as his body would allow to the man behind the counter. 'Um...may I have two seats to Seattle.' Phil gave a glance over his shoulder to see Dan still one his phone, checking that they still weren't in any danger, letting his heart rate slow a tad. The man followed his gaze and looked back up at Phil.

'One adult, one child?' Phil almost cackled at the idea and nodded anyway. It would be cheaper and surely it was possible it might bring a small smile to the Neko's face. One that Phil had yet to see since his escape. One that hadn't seen in months, in fact. Dan didn't seem to mind jokes about his height and had found them funny in the past and Phil was determined to make those lips quirk upwards. That was his duty now, just as it was his duty to look after the boy.

The burden on his shoulders unnerved him slightly but he still felt a warm feeling in the chest at the thought of helping Dan. He deserved it, he really did and Phil was willing to sacrifice almost anything now to do what he could.

The man at the desk nodded and printed two tickets, telling Phil a relatively lower price than he was expecting and handing them over without asking for ID nor evidence for Dan's age. Smiling, Phil rushed back to Dan, the two tickets in his hands and dragging him over to the bus shelter where they would wait for half an hour before the nine o'clock bus came.

Phil smiled, staring at the tickets like they were gold, quickly shoving them in his pockets when he realised the risk of them being stolen. Giving a quick glance to Dan, whose foot was rapidly bouncing up and down, Phil realised his attempts at making Dan smile would probably fail but it was worth a try, he believed. Phil always believed it was worth it.

'Hey, Dan?' Dan turned, his eyebrows raising inquisitively. 'Guess what happened at the counter?' The boy suddenly looked nervous, eyes widening a fraction as his head shot between the desk and Phil. 'Nothing bad, I promise!' Phil panicked, waving his hands frantically in front of him. 'He saw that you were with me and asked me if I was going to get a child and an adult ticket.' Phil snickered.

Dan turned, an unimpressed look on his face and for a second, Phil thought he had failed. But, as time passed, the edges of Dan's lips quirked up into a wan smile, barely there and unnoticeable if it were not for the slight dimple in his cheek.

'Of course,' Phil explained, 'I said yes. I mean why wouldn't I? Maybe he thought I was the child.' Phil laughed.

'I'm sure he didn't.' Dan replied and despite the lack of humour in his voice, Phil had learnt, over the last few days, that Dan only meant it as a joke and was not being morose.

Phil leant back and hissed as the cold metal touched his back through his shirt. 'Dan?' He asked again, his voice almost lost in the wind. Looking back at Phil, Dan gave an assuring nod before Phil continued again. 'We're going to be okay. I know you don't think so but we'll be alright.' Dan nodded but Phil was right, he didn't believe it and no matter how many times Phil told him it would be alright, he just couldn't believe it.

The bus rolled up a dozen minutes later and they piled in, flashing their tickets to the driver before taking a pair of seats near the back, avoiding any others that had already got on board and hoping that no one would approach. Dan was quick to rustle into his backpack and pull out a hat, his concentration wearing as his ears began to peak out, and put it on with little time to spare as a woman opposite, a kind looking girl that was most likely a student on their way back to their home tome, gave them a smile and an acknowledging nod, sitting on the other side of the row in front.

Luckily, no one dared approach them as they both did their best to look as uninviting as possible, succeeding most likely because of Dan's appearance. Despite having been taken away from the miserable holding cell that was the zoo, his tendency to eat had only lessened and he barely picked at his food. He had become even further gaunt than before, his usually tan skin as pale as Phil's and a thin layer of hair growing on his face, too fine to be facial hair and a clear sign of malnutrition.

Dan shivered as the air con came on, freezing them rather than doing any help but as Phil reached up and saw that there was no way to free themselves of the cool air, he bundled Dan up to his side, hoping that his slowly decreasing body temperature would be enough for Dan to stop shaking, no fat on his bones to protect him. Seeing the opening, Dan quickly threw his head into Phil's abdomen, no care for dignity when it came with warmth. Dan had been through enough lately and he wasn't ready to shiver for the four-hour journey to the neighbouring state.

With the comforting presence of Phil by his side, Dan finally let himself relax, feeling the soft feeling of Phil's arms gently wrapping around him, seeking warmth themselves. Phil sighed and let his fingers gently dance of the back of Dan's hair, his fingers itching to move, as was the rest of his body.

Quickly enough, the bus rolled into action and within the hour, they had left behind any bit of Portland that was familiar and at some point, they'd be crossing the state line.

Phil, without noticing, had slowly succumbed to tangling his fingers in the back of Dan's hair, fiddling with it out of boredom as he fell asleep in Phil's lap, clearly lacking any sleep from the previous night. Unfortunately, Phil felt nothing less than awake and even the gentle pattern of Dan's breathing and the easy curls of his hair were not enough to lull Phil into the ease of calm.

Phil let his thoughts escape him and spiral out of control, dancing across his mind in blurry shapes. Each one he caught was terrifying enough for him to let go with a shudder and it only came after an hour of contemplating that Phil found that there were very few things he had left to cling onto. All the happy memories seemed to be shadowed by the bad and even with his friend with him here and now, safe and away from the monsters that had entrapped him, their unease was palpable.

It finally sank in: nothing was as it was. Everything Phil had held dear was lost. Except for Dan. Dan was the only one left. Abandoned friends and mother's that were at chance of leaving just as quickly, Phil realised that maybe he was right all along. He was lonely.

Tangling his fingers deeper into Dan's hair, seeking the comfort that seemed to radiate off of the small man, Phil gritted his teeth and tried to shake himself of the dark thoughts. Dan was enough. That was the one thing Phil could confirm to himself. Dan was worth this because Dan didn't deserve any of this and Phil knew that when this all ended, he would thank himself. The satisfaction would be worth the loss.

Looking out at the desolate landscape, he let his head lean on the window and listened as the bus rumbled and shook his brain, the world blurring in a second. The early morning sun was slowly rising and the blue sky was clearing of any clouds, the last of the rain pouring like dew on the grass, gentle and light. And slowly, with nothing left to entertain or torture him, he succumbed to sleep himself.

-

Phil woke up with a start, a firm hand on his shoulder. 'Hey, um, people are getting off now, I just thought you'd like to know.' Phil looked up to see the girl from earlier smiling down at him. 'Anyway, nice meeting you.' She smiled again, her face a representation of all that was calm as she pulled her headphones from around her neck and onto her ears before retreating off the bus.

She took two steps down before turning back, 'oh, and my name's Chloe.' Phil finally fought through the fuzzy confusion of sleep to see the girl, English as he now recognised, walking away, her brown hair falling from side to side behind her as she departed from the bus.

Phil, urging his eyes to stay open, gently swayed Dan from sleep with a shake of the shoulder and watched as his friend blearily sat up in his seat and tried to figure out where they were. 'We're getting off now, Dan.' Phil explained, packing the few things he had taken out of his bag away and standing after Dan shimmied out of his seat and made his own way of the bus, both of them thanking the driver before they stepped off and the bus turned around on itself and drove back to Portland.

'We're here.' Phil smiled, his voice more strained than he had wished. Dan hummed in agreement as Phil retrieved his phone and scrolled through the find his mum's number before pressing call.

'Hey, mum!' Phil said after four rings. 'How are you?' Dan listened in but couldn't hear much at the other end but the muffled sounds of Phil's mothers.

'Yeah, we'll be there in a sec.' Phil sighed.

'Oh, yeah. I've got a friend with me. Did I not say?'

'Sorry, mum but don't worry about it.'

'See you in a bit.'

'Yeah, love you too.' Phil finally hung up and motioned for Dan to follow him as he weaved through the crowds and found the taxi rank, standing in the short line (only about five or six people) and waiting.

It wasn't long before they were crowded into the backseat of a taxi, their arms pressed awkwardly together in a smart car that they weren't sure how it ever passed as a taxi. Luckily, the drive was not long and in around fifteen minutes, and a torrential downpour of sudden rain, they were out in the clear skies with Phil's mother's house in sight.

'Well, here we are.' Phil said, awkwardly scratching the back of his head, his nerves bundling up until he could almost taste the bile in the back of his throat. Dan looked no better but Phil could not see any difference between him now and earlier, the constant trembling a key feature of the boy.

Dan didn't speak as Phil led the way to the perfected porch, rows of roses and peonies lining the front of the picket-fence dream. Phil smiled, memories flooding back unexpectedly. Although he had grown up in England, he had moved to Seattle when he was around eight and the place had become as much a home as Lancashire had been.

Reluctantly, Phil knocked, looking sorrowfully at Dan as his fingers twitched, still waiting to do something. The door flung open with a happy cry, his mother smiling brightly as she ushered them inside.

'Wait, mum, first I have to tell you something.' Phil muttered, not willing to go inside, only to be kicked out immediately. Immediately, her face fell and a look of resistance contorted her smile into a grimace.

'What is it, Phil?'

'It's...well, this is my friend Dan.' Phil stepped out the way and revealed Dan's form from behind him. His mum gasped, shocked at the sight of him, ragged: near enough to death that he could be mistaken for so.

'Yes?'

'Dan, can you...' Dan nodded with the silent request, taking off the hat and clenching it in his hand, his eyes staring intently at the floor, awaiting his judgement like a criminal.

'Phil-' His mother gasped.

'Mum, I can-' The door was shut in their face. Phil gulped, his trembling hands shaking like an earthquake. Clenching Dan's shoulder for comfort, he found the boy trembling as much as he was.

'I'm sorry.' Phil barely heard the words, lost under the sound of slamming doors and cursing.

'Don't be, she's just scared.'

'You shouldn't have to pick between your friend and your mum.' Dan looked up blearily, his eyes filling with unexpected water as he watched the curtains close, shutting his mother away from the outside. Unravelling the scarf in his hand, Dan let his slip back into place before anyone else could see with a wistful smile.

'You're right. But, I have so that's that.' Phil took a step away, trying not to let the loss seep into his heart but in truth, his eyes were just as blurred and his heart just as strained. Dan empathised, the loss of his own mother only marginally better than the loss of Phil's. Because no matter whether she was alive or not, they both knew she wasn't taking him back. They had chosen sides. Maybe if Phil was to plead his case and beg then he would be taken back. But, no son should have to do something like that when it was his mother's fault.

Trudging through puddles and grey, they made their way to the junction at the end of the block, heads turning in both directions and realising their choice was redundant. They had nowhere to go, nowhere to sleep and nowhere to live. They were truly homeless now. Dan was back where he started and Phil was in a position he had never been in before.

It had been inevitable, Dan realised. This was his punishment. From where he started, it got better only for another person's life to take the brunt of that. And then, after all that, his life returned to just the same. And even after an hour’s worth of walking, the exhaustion was not enough to make him change his mind.

'Hey!' Their heads shot up, Dan's face one of confusion whilst a dawning realisation came upon Phil's face as he looked up to see the familiar girl with her hair tied up in a half-up, half-down hairdo and the same headphones dangling around her neck.

'Chloe?'

'Yup. Never caught your name?'

'Oh, Phil. And this is Dan.' Phil motioned to Dan with a smile and the girl gave him an eager wave.

'I like your hat, Dan, where'd you get it from?'

'Oh, um, Phil got it for me.' The boy muttered, his voice barely above a whisper- as was becoming commonplace- but the girl was not deterred, recognising him as shy and taking the reins of the conversation.

'Aw, that's so sweet! So, are you two together or something?' Silence. 'Oh god, I'm so sorry,' she began frantically, waving her hands in panic.

'No, it's fine,' Phil tried to reassure, 'it's just we've never heard that before.' The girl let out a quiet sigh of relief and turned back to her usual state, her hands digging into the pockets of her sports hoodie.

'Sorry again. Anyway, what are you doing here?' She asked, the remains of a faint blush still on her cheeks.

'Oh, well,' Phil began, not sure where he was supposed to go, 'our place to stay...it just, well, bailed on us.' Dan made a sound that was somewhere between a snort and a scoff whilst Phil's face fell again, the conversation taking a turn for the worse.

'Oh my god! That's awful. You know, I have a spare room in my apartment. I need a roommate, to be honest and you seem like nice guys. You'd have to share a room but...'

'You don't have to-'

'No, seriously, if you have nowhere to stay, I'm happy to give you a discount on the rent whilst you get yourself set up here. I'm only here for another couple of months, I'm only here for work but as I said, it would be useful for me as well as you. I need the help.'

'Seriously, this is-'

'Don't worry! You're no burden, I'm glad to be of assistance.' Silence fell awkwardly as Dan practically gaped at the generosity and Phil failed to find the words to thank the girl. He knew, even if she insisted that they were helping, that she could find another roommate that would be of much more financial help but Phil couldn't find the will to say no. He knew that they could probably pay for a cheap hotel for a few nights but the money would dwindle out quickly, this opportunity was perfect. The only problem was having a single room but he didn't think either of them minded, Dan didn't seem to voice any complaints. But, then again, he never did.

Hoping for the best, Phil smiled and let Chloe lead the way, only noticing what she was wearing: somewhere between sportswear and casual wear. Hoodie, trainers, a casual top and jeans. Such a casual look but Phil almost revelled in it, something so mundane had suddenly become so welcome.

Chloe, to no default of her own, was just what he needed. What both of them needed. Stability and normalcy. Right now, Phil was begging for normal and, with his fingers crossed, he knew he might have found it.

'So, I might as well at least show you the place before you make your decision. How long are you in Seattle anyway?' Chloe smiled, her feet hitting the pavement lightly as she navigated down the peculiarly abandoned streets.

'Thanks again,' Phil began as he trailed along beside her, Dan hiding behind his arm, uncomfortably fidgeting his hat whilst giving nervous glances at the outgoing girl. 'We're here for, well, as long as we need to be. Or as soon as we can afford to move. I'm going to be looking for jobs tomorrow. Hopefully, that means we can pay our fair half of the rent.' Phil smiled weakly, nervous at the idea of being thrown into work so quickly, especially with the few useful qualifications he had to his name.

'Oh, don't get your hopes up yet. Admittedly, I just went to see the place (my work got it for me) and it's a bit of a dump.'

'It's fine, I think we've been in worse.' Phil replied, his eyes falling somewhere on the horizon, his body refusing to acknowledge the harsh reality of his words. Dan especially, whose huddled form was barely perceptible behind Phil's frame.

'I'd wait until after you see this place.' She laughed, sharply turning right, throwing Dan and Phil into a sudden collision before they collected themselves and continued following.

'You haven't told her yet.' Dan leaned up, whispered gently as for her not to hear.

'Told her what?' Phil looked down at Dan, his eyebrows scrunching up his smooth forehead as he jogged for ideas.

'About me?'

'Oh.' The meaning of Dan's words set in with sudden intensity, his heart suddenly throbbing at the idea of being thrown out of another house. The chances of them sleeping on the street tonight were just as high as they were before, an unsettling thought to both of them.

Catching up to Chloe's quick pace, despite her stature being barely 5'1, Phil looked down at her with a frown, his brain wracking through all the terrible possibilities of telling her. Abstaining the truth until they reached the place, Phil tagged along easily, knowing they couldn't be too far away. If Chloe had arrived at the same time as them then she couldn't have done much more than see the apartment and walk a few blocks.

'So, what kind of job has you moving around?' Phil asked, trying to fill the void silence, blocking out Dan's strained breaths as his weak body tried to keep up with them. Unable to explain to Chloe, he couldn't do much but try and slow down his own footsteps.

'Oh, I'm an athlete. I mostly do long jump but I also do triple jump and high jump.'

'That's a lot of...jumps.' Phil stated awkwardly, his knowledge of sport little more than the one football match his dad had shown him as a kid before he left.

'Yup. I like it but it means I travel a lot. As you can probably tell, I'm actually English, I'm just over here for a couple of months for some of the training facilities so I'm sorry to say that this apartment's only going to be around for a couple of months.'

'Oh, no, that's fine.' Phil struggled to find any more to say, his lips moving off their own accord.

'Oh, here we are! Come on in.' She smiled again, the permanent etching on her face something both of the desperately needed. Opening the door, she let the two in first, trailing behind them, taking off her hoodie to reveal the band logo running down the side of her sleeve.

Letting the two roam their eyes around the apartment, she fell onto the sofa, letting her feet fall on top of the wooden settee, the edges crumbling unfavourably onto the floor.

'You believe me now?'

'What?' Phil jumped, not expecting the girl to speak, watching Dan clamber into a chair and tuck his legs into his chest whilst Phil had a peer through some of the doors.

'I think I've proved this place is a dump.'

'Oh god, you really should have seen my last apartment. This is beautiful.' Phil replied honestly, eyes drifting over the edges of the peeling wallpaper and the un-hoovered carpets.

'If this is beautiful, I really am curious. Anyway, you want a tour?' She stood up cheerfully, quickly dashing to the first door, her fist on the doorknob as Phil spoke up.

'Wait!' She turned, panicked, as Phil shouted, her body almost jumping out of her skin. 'Sorry, I just... I need to tell you something first.'

'What? Are you a criminal or something?' She laughed, twisting the doorknob further.

'Depends on your definition.' She froze, her hand stilling and her whole body tensing in shock.

'What?'

'No, don't be scared. It's not like I'm a murderer. Just...' He paused, wracking his mind for words when none came.

'Chloe.' It was Dan's voice, weak and impatient, on the brink of sleep. Chloe's head tossed around, staring at the man timidly as if either of them were going to attack. Slowly, with an ease that Phil wasn't sure how Dan possessed with the anxiety pumping through his veins, Dan pulled off his hat, his ears fluttering into the open, searching for the sounds amongst the room. For a second, Phil had almost forgotten the irritation it caused Dan, to have to listen to muffled voices for so long.

Chloe didn't say a word, her tense muscles loosening only in the slightest before she slowly approached Dan, falling down into a crouch and peering up at him in awe, her mouth slightly open.

'You're...you're a Neko?' Dan nodded, shy at the sudden staring, vivid memories bombarding him unwelcomely.

'Chloe,' Phil interrupted, trying to pry her eyes from the trembling hybrid, 'I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier but my mum just threw me out when she saw Dan and I couldn't be on the streets tonight but I realised I had to tell you and I'm sorry but it's all just a blur and everything's-'

'Phil, it's fine.' Chloe reassured, getting to her feet as she cut off Phil's rambling. 'It seriously is. What happened?' She looked truly concerned and somehow it warmed Phil's heart. Maybe, he realised, it wasn't so hard to find allies as he had thought, all he needed was a little faith in humanity and someone would push through.

'Dan, he was in a...' Phil trailed off, looking to Dan for permission and when the small form nodded from behind his knees, Phil found the confidence to continue on. 'In a zoo. And I, I got him out.' Chloe stared for a few seconds, Phil's blood running cold as he prepared himself for the entourage of insults that would inevitably end in them outside again. This still felt all too surreal.

'Wow...that's amazing.'

'You really think so.'

'Of course. And I'm sorry Dan, no one should have to go through that.' Dan looked up from behind his knees, his eyes wide in shock but his small nod permeating the warmth inside Phil even more. 'So, how about we get onto that house tour then?'

Even when old friends were lost, it seemed that new ones could be found.


	32. Chapter 32

The apartment, slowly but surely, became there home. Cozy and welcoming, albeit rough at the edges, had made Dan and Phil fall into an immediate pattern. Phil, now in charge of paying his third of the rent (whilst Chloe paid the other two thirds), had found himself a job at the gas station a few blocks over. Easy work, he found, even if it was long hours. He was working further into the night than ever and had more night shifts than he had ever experienced in any previous job but something about it felt meaningful. At least now, he was working for something. For something more, even.

Dan, meanwhile, remained at home. He left rarely but surely and Chloe had made it a task to take him to the shops whenever they went. They were becoming close, barely having to speak to convey their conversation whilst Phil and Chloe were probably labelled too chatty at the best of times. Chloe was one for gossip.

But, the feeling of being cooped up didn't escape Dan. Whilst Chloe was out as work and Phil sleeping off the long night, he was left in the living room alone, faced by his demons and his friends at once.

Not often did he ever transform, the contorting of bones still unnatural and awkward. No one had ever tried to make him either; Chloe was not one to push and Phil knew what the consequence of his words would be. But, even without the shifts, it was clear that something was always on his mind. He still didn't laugh, barely smiled, barely talked.

It wasn't until around two weeks of living there, when Phil had only just got his job, that they began to realise that Dan wasn't eating. Phil had heard it, he should have known better. Anorexia. Control of the mind by control of the eating.

With no professional options available, Chloe and Phil were left to cypher the problem themselves. Website after website scrolled past but no one seemed to help. They saw advertisements, tips and how to cope with the illness but never a cure. They were naive enough to believe there was a cure in the first place.

No one had ever told them that it wasn't just an antibiotic away from healthiness.

They started slowly, nonetheless. Dan would eat once a day: tiny portions of anything but fish. Phil was doing his best to give Dan no reminders of his previous dwelling and avoiding the food they gave him seemed like the best option.

'Dan, please.' He begged as another spoonful was dropped back to the plate. The clatter echoed throughout the halls deafeningly.

'I can't.' He still hadn't regained his voice after all this time, the hoarse whisper a representation of all that was wrong and left Phil reeling. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't let his best friend starve nor could he force him to do anything. He was stuck in a paradox. He had to pick the bad or the worse. But he didn't think he was capable of either.

'I know but just try. For me.' Phil breathed in and out carefully, trying not to be patronising as he lowers himself to look Dan in the eye. 'Just one more. Please, Dan.'

'I can't.' The trembling speech did little but leave Phil's frail heart fractured, the crack eroding that already-present chasm in his chest.

'One more.' Phil looked down at the food; mash, barely a drop of it, three dents in the surface where Dan had buried for the littlest bit he could find. He cursed himself for his own failure but he couldn't continue, not like this. Not like he was a parent chastising a child. Dan was his friend, his equal, that was what they always were because otherwise their whole friendship became meaningless. At least, to him it did, Dan hadn't seemed to change his mind from the beginning. He was the inferior. Always the inferior.

Another month passed with little progress. Dan paired safety with appetite and whilst their names remained in the public eye- people were desperate to find a lost Neko with a bounty on its head- safety was hard to come by. What was once their home had become their prison.

Phil coaxed Dan into eating slowly, trying new tricks. By now, the tricks had become obsessive habits to all of them: lock the door, lock the windows, check the locks, shut the curtains, dim the lights. Do it again. Only then would he eat, when he was sure that he was abandoned.

Lock the door, lock the windows, check the locks, shut the curtains, dim the lights, check the locks again.

The routine grew, their paranoia surfacing to unimaginable states. Chloe, not usually wary at all, had become jittery in the house and often spent her time away from home. She expressed the wish to go back to England as soon as possible and Phil couldn't blame her for it, he felt the same way.

What was once warm and cosy had morphed into the very idea of fear in only a couple of months.

'I'm sick of this!' Phil exclaimed, burying his head in his hands, his voice muffled by the heel of his palms. 'I can't do this anymore. I just can't.' Phil was still in his uniform- he was working at the gas station a few blocks down- the red and yellow polo-shirt crinkled and stained.

'Phil, it's your only opt-'

'No, it's not!' Phil felt the tears stain his eyes as a sob threatened his throat, water leaking slowly into the bowl of his hands. 'There has to be another option. I don't want to feel like this anymore.' He was sick of it, months of torture. Check the locks, check the locks, check the locks. It was like his mind was on autopilot. It didn't matter they were eating, no matter how little, because it would change as soon as the situation was altered.

If they couldn't eat outside their own locked, dead home then how were they ever meant to escape this?

'Phil, I don't kn-'

'I just want this to stop! We've dragged you down with us and it's not fair. I'm going out.' Phil calmed himself down, running his palms down his gaunt face, wrinkles appearing in places that only a man a decade older than him would wear. Grabbing his keys off the table, he stalked out the house and into the blinding sun of the summer day, cursing under his breath for his abandonment as his feet pelted the concrete streets.

Chloe, left behind, her mind reeling- not having caught up on the situation at hand- sat down on the couch, staring mindlessly at the blank TV. Dan stuck his head out of the doorframe, squinting as he saw her glassy eyes.

'Chloe?' She turned, surprised, as Dan called out to her- his voice firmer than she had ever heard it before.

'Yeah?' She replied, blinking away the unshed water, hoping to all God that she didn't look a mess. She and Phil would sort out the problems; they avoided putting anything on Dan at all costs, he didn't deserve it.

'What happened?'

'Huh, nothing ha-'

'You're lying.' He cut in, his face serious as his tail curled up into his lap, like it always did when he was anxious.

'It's nothing you need to know.' She blushed, the lie blotching her face with splotches of red.

'I know that you and Phil try to keep me out of these things but something's clearly going on and I want to know.' Chloe had never heard Dan demand anything, she didn't think Phil had either. Shocked, she stared at him mutely, maybe he wasn't doing as badly as they all believed. After all, he'd have weeks to sit in his room and think, maybe some of their previously useless words were seeping through the cracks in his walls.

'It's fine.'

'I'm not a child.' It was all he said, his face stern and although his words held no spite, he held an air of confidence around him. Chloe almost laughed, she'd always seen Phil as the strong one, the leader of the pack but looking at Dan now, it showed that Dan was the stronger character. Not that Phil was weak, not by any stretch. But the things Dan had been through, the things he had survived and still managed to come out like this amazed her to no end.

'Sorry.'

'There's no need to apologise, just tell me what happened.'

'I really think it should be Phil who tells you, when he gets back.'

'Where is he?' Dan asked, confused, his eyebrows drawing into a frown.

'He left.'

'Why?' Phil didn't tend to leave except for work, nowadays.

'He- it's... he can't do it anymore.'

'Can't do what?'

'This.'

'And what is 'this'?' Dan didn't catch on, his mind reeling for ideas, coming up with nothing. He saw Phil every day, they shared a bed for God's sake, but he showed no signs of fatigue apart from the endless arguments they had over his eating habits. But, Dan was working on it, he really was, with or without Phil. He didn't need help, he wanted to get better, he was getting better.

It was Phil who was paranoid.

It was Phil who kept on locking the windows.

Dan had stopped caring about that a while ago.

'He can't help you anymore. He wants to, that much is clear. But it's driving him insane.' She said and Dan sighed, collapsing in on himself, curling up into a tight ball on the armchair. 'We didn't tell you because-'

'I know why you didn't tell me. It's fine, really. I should have talked to him sooner.'

'Huh?'

'I know I don't talk much and I'm sorry but I thought Phil knew.'

'Knew what?'

'That I'm fine.'

'But you're not-'

'I am. Phil keeps trying to help but he already has and in doing so, as you said, he's destroying himself. He's the one in trouble now, not me. I should have talked to him sooner.' He sighed again, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes. 'You know, I've started doing some painting. Digital. On the laptop. I thought I might try and sell some of it, not for much but online, I was reading up on it. I can put all the money into your name or something and I can maybe help out a bit more. I'm sick of feeling useless, Chloe. It's time I moved on.'

'You shouldn't have to, what you went through-'

'I know, I was the one who went through it. But I've had chance after chance to be happy and I'm sick of being sad. I have bad days, like everyone else, and yes they are worse than most people's but I can have good days too. Phil needs help not me so whatever you're keeping away from me, don't. We need to start keeping the burden off Phil's back.' Chloe nodded, trying to think of a reply that wasn't 'wow'.

'I think you're right.' She looked at the blank television with regret, wondering how it had ever come to this. How it had come to sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of each other. She thought that life was going to be a breeze, that she'd come to America and have the trip of a lifetime but look at them.

She didn't regret it, not one bit. But maybe, just maybe, she should have looked at the signs a bit better. The last few weeks had passed in a blur, hazy arguments and secrets hidden by a thin layer of cloth.

'What are we going to do?' She asked, falling back into the crevice of the sofa, rolling her head back, relishing in the quiet 'click'.

'Wait until he gets back and then I'll talk to him. Also, for your own sake, don't babysit us. You're amazing and everything you've done for us, I'm thankful. I should have said that sooner I was but I was...' he paused, shutting his eyes at the painful memories. 'Nevermind, thank you.'

'Not saying it's a bad thing or anything but what happened to you? This all seems very sudden.'

Dan chuckled darkly, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. 'As I said, I was sick of being sad and I realised that. I had enough time to think being stuck here.' He shrugged it off and Chloe couldn't help the nagging feeling that he was leaving something out but she left it alone, there was no point dragging Dan back to things he'd rather leave behind.

The only route now was to leave behind the past and work towards the future.

When Phil returned an hour later, the apartment was silent. Chloe was nowhere to be seen, nor were her keys or phone. Assuming she was out, Phil scouted for Dan, hoping that he hadn't left with her.

'Dan?' He called out, his voice wavering a bit, anxiety creeping up the back of his spine like an insect- they hadn't left because of him, had they?

'In here!' Dan shouted from the bedroom, the door cracked open an inch, a small pool of light flooding a portion of the corridor. Chastising himself for not seeing it, Phil walked into the bedroom and watched as Dan used the trackpad to sketch the outline of a landscape- impressive, really, Phil could barely click on a website with their dodgy trackpad.

'I didn't know you drew?' Phil started, rounding Dan, who sat in the middle of the bed, and buried himself in the mountain of pillows they had collected and watched as Dan concentrated on his task.

'Yeah...' Dan trailed off with a sigh, saving and quitting his current page. 'Phil, I have to talk to you.' Dan said solemnly and Phil was surprised at the number of words at all.

'What about?' Phil asked suspiciously, sitting up and looming over Dan unintentionally. Dan retracted subconsciously and Phil, without thought, backed away, pressing his back against the headboard with mild frustration at himself.

'We have some things to sort out.'

'What sort of things?'

'I'm worried about you.'

'What-' he stopped, failing to close his gaping mouth. 'You're worried about *me*?'

'Yes, you.'

'I shouldn't be the one you're worried about.'

'I know you think that but...' Dan paused for a second, taking a deep intake of breath. 'I'm going to say this and you're not going to interrupt because I've said this once before and I don't want to have to stop and start. I'm fine. Yes. I. Am. Fine. Okay? No need to babysit me. I'm not perfect, I have my ups and downs like anyone and my dips may be worse than most people's but that's okay, seeing what I've been through. I'm worried about you. Whilst helping me, you've been destroying yourself, to use someone else's words. Locking the windows, the nightmares- and yes, I know you're having them. I'm sick of being sad so I've said to myself that I won't be. Now, it's time to make you not either. I've had this...this inferiority complex this whole time but I have to stop, I know I do, even if I still believe it. I have to help you like you helped me.'

Phil was at a loss for words, his mouth gaping like a fish as he swam for the words hidden in the waves of his mind. He tried to form words but only his lips moved, opening and closing like a doorway to nothing.

'I don't know what to say-'

'You don't have to.'

'But...what? You don't just...you can't just get over something like what you've been through. Most people need counselling or something!'

'But here I am.'

'Dan, you're hiding something.' They locked eyes, Phil's will already wavering whilst Dan remained strong. 'Please, just tell me.' He urged. 'A week ago, you were whimpering next to me instead of sleeping because you were so scared of getting caught. A week ago, you weren't eating at all. The doctor said you were anorexic! You don't just get over anorexia, Dan! Please, I just want to know the truth.' Phil begged, his eyes wide and open, leaving himself vulnerable to anything.

'I saw something...online.' Dan admitted, his head bowing. Phil, trying to help as best as he could, placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 'It was a Neko hate website. I didn't even think they had stuff like that. It said some things that...that I don't want to ever see again. I'm going to fix it, Phil. I don't want to hide, I want to do something about this. I don't want anyone else like me to be trapped in cages, it's sickening. So I'm going to help. I can’t be free whilst they are trapped, it’s just not fair.’ Phil was almost proud as he watched Dan pour his heart out, his head slowly lifting until he sat proudly, resolute in his actions.

'You need to be careful, Dan.' He warned, his voice trembling in sudden concern for his friend.

'I know. I will.' Dan nodded along with his words, never letting Phil's eyes stray from his own, ensnaring him with his midnight eyes that shimmered behind the human brown.

'But, I mean, that can't be it? You had an eating disorder. I don't want to pry but I...I want to check that you're really okay.'

'As okay as you are.' Dan admitted truthfully.

'So what now?'

Dan shrugged, shuffling closer to Phil and resting against his side, his head dropping a small inch until it was balancing precariously on his shoulder. 'Try to eat, no matter how much I hate it. Stop locking the windows. Help you out and I mean that, we need to find you something to do. You clearly don't take well to cabin fever.'

'But I like staying inside, in case you haven't noticed, I love the lazy life.' Phil joked, smiling gently, inching down until Dan's head rested fully on his shoulder.

'I know but that doesn't change anything.' Dan smiled back, the slightest glimmer in his eyes. Phil's heart swelled with pride as his best friend- one of the strongest people he'd ever met. 'I'm not forgetting the past but I'm moving past it, no matter how long it takes. The nightmares will still be there but when I'm awake, I'm in control. Although, that doesn't seem to work every day.' Dan sighed, nestling further into Phil's side until they were impossibly close.

'It's gonna be hard but I don't care. I need to try. And, anyway, what's the point in being scared? We're gonna be caught or we won't be, we can't do anything.'

'I guess you're right.' Phil wrapped his trapped arm around Dan's shoulders, leaning his head on top of Dan's wistfully, staring at the blank wall with amazement at this whole conversation.

'I also want to shift.' Dan blurted.

'What?!' Phil jumped in shock, Dan scrambling off his shoulder, although Phil's arm was still wrapped around him.

'I want to shift.'

'Okay...' Phil trailed off, his eyes even wider than before, as he let Dan fall back to him, cuddled together like a couple.

'When?' Phil asked, his fingers running idly over Dan's shoulder, reassuring to the both of them he hoped.

'Not yet, just, I want to try.' Phil nodded absent-mindedly and drew Dan to his chest, wrapping both arms delicately around him. 'I'm so glad you're better. I missed you.' Phil admitted, his voice weak with fatigue- his mind still reeling from a day's worth of emotional rollercoasters.

'I missed you too.' Dan said, shuffling until he was in Phil's lap, his arms pulled tightly around Phil's neck. Nothing intimate, just welcoming. A reassurance after far too long apart. 'I never asked, I never could but...how are you healing? You never mention it.' Dan leant back, his eyes pouring with regret and guilt at this silence.

'It's okay, just a scar now.' Phil pulled up the side of his shirt, revealing the line across his side that crisscrossed the one on his stomach.

'Two scars from the same man, how does that even happen? I thought that was only supposed to happen in fiction.' Dan chucked lowly, inspecting the scars with a critical eye.

'I don't know, it really feels that sometimes we are living in a world of fiction.'

'It really does.' Dan sighed, falling back into position, with his head resting against Phil's heart, pounding at the same rate as the prolonged beats.

'You know what,' Phil smiled, 'I think this needs celebration.' The sudden admission had Dan's face contorting with confusion but Phil was quick to explain himself. 'How about I cook dinner? Or try to. No ready-meals, a proper meal. Doesn't have to be big or anything but a meal.' Phil shrugged pleasantly. 'I mean, we haven't really made use of not just having a microwave.' Dan nodded, his small grin turning into a shy smile as he pushed himself of Phil and ran a hand through his hair, carefully avoiding his ears.

'Um, Phil, are you sure we can afford that?' Dan asked, suddenly nervous.

'Boss gave me a bit extra for attracting a few customers, apparently, you and Chloe are rubbing off on me a bit. They say I sound slightly British, apparently people like that.' Dan laughed, suddenly admiring Phil's accent. Dan, having been raised solely by two British parents, had heard nothing but and developed a British accent, despite living in America his whole life, his family hoping for the Neko rights to be developed (before they had taken a turn for the worse). Phil, on the other hand, had been raised in America by his mother, who'd come from the North of England, so whilst he had some of that, he was still predominantly American. But now, it seemed, having solely talked to him and Chloe for weeks, he'd picked the British accent up again.

'Shouldn't we put that towards rent? I mean, Chloe had been doing so much.'

'It's fine! She'll be glad for a proper meal. I'm gonna go out shopping,' Phil told him as he hung his legs over the side of the bed and searched for a jumper. 'I'll be back in twenty with ingredients.'

'Okay.' Dan stuffed his hands into his pockets and watched the shadows form on the dirtying carpet- he should really clean this place once in a while, being the one who was at home most often.

'Dan, seriously, it's all okay. Say to Chloe when she gets back that I'll be right back. We didn't exactly leave in the best of terms.' Dan nodded, taking a deep breath and relaxing himself, scuffling around until he found the laptop and threw himself onto the bed, getting into his 'laptop position' and scrolled around for what he was looking for.

'Looks like your comfortable.' Phil laughed as he backed out the door, pulling his left shoe on, hopping slightly.

'I am.' Dan said smugly, burying himself further into the plushy mountain and clicking on the music app. Phil left hurriedly, anxious to get back, whilst Dan clicked on the piano options and got back to what he had stared earlier.

Dan wanted to do something and if it wasn't art then it'd be piano. His mother had taught him when he was younger on the battered old thing someone had chucked onto the edge of the forest for anyone to find, too lazy to dump it into a tip. And although it was far different playing on a keyboard than a real piano, he was enjoying himself and with the help of youtube, he thought he was doing quite well.

He was still playing, recording himself to check for mistakes, when Chloe peeked her head around the corner. 'Is Phil still gone?' She asked, anxiety framing her features.

'No,' Dan reassured her, 'he came back and we sorted things out, he's gone out to get some ingredients to cook a meal. You deserve us to do something for you, isn't it really bad for an athlete to eat ready-meals all the time?' Dan asked, a light laugh lacing his words.

'Nah, I eat healthier at lunch and breakfast, dinner doesn't matter too much. I don't eat too much of it anyway, I think. My coach did say I was slower...' She laughed it off with a wave of her hand and stepped back into the living room calling out a gleeful 'happy everything's sorted out' behind her.

Phil returned, dumping the plastic bag on the table before going straight into the living room and apologising to Chloe. 'I'm so sorry, you've done so much and I shouldn't have stormed out, it's so unlike me but I was just so annoyed and it was all-'

'Phil, it's fine.' She shouted over the top of him as his rambling turned into breathless nonsense.

'Huh?'

'Seriously, it's fine. You have a lot on your plate and Dan says all's good. I mean, you're cooking, that must say something.' She chuckled, swinging her legs up and onto the settee, clicking her ankles.

'You need to stop doing that.' Phil shuddered, knowing she was only doing it to irritate him.

Shaking his head in mild disgust, he returned to the kitchen and routed through the ingredients, hoping that he could put it all together into something that was at least partially edible. If he were honest, the actual cooking was the celebration, he was sure that the food wouldn't live up to the standard.

'Anyone willing to help this awful cook?' He called out, taking a pan from its shelf painfully slowly, its heavy weight driving an intense fear into him at just the idea of dropping it. Maybe choosing the clumsiest person in the house to be the chef was a bad idea.

Dan and Chloe came in at the same time, laughing between themselves and Phil forgot all about his irrational fears as his heart warmed at the sight of Dan's smile, even if it were barely a tweak of his lips- still, it lit up his eyes like they were stars. More and more, the shimmering galaxy of his cat form was shimmering through his thick brown irises.

'Both of you?' He asked cautiously. They looked between themselves and another snort escaped their lips. 'Neither of us really trust you.' Chloe stated easily whilst Dan just shrugged and stood on his tip-toes to grab a glass from the shelf and pour himself a glass of water.

'Like you're any better!' Phil argued, dropping a pan at the exact same time. 'Okay, I possibly have a bit of a problem but Dan can be even worse than me!'

'Sure he can.' Chloe dismissed with a wave of her hand, taking the pan off the floor and placing it on the grill. 'Okay, what's the first step?'

'Um...I'm going to get the laptop so I can get the recipe online. They pretty much take you through it step by step, right?' Chloe shrugged whilst Dan just took a noisy slurp of his water as if he was being intentionally useless, leaning against the counter looking more relaxed than he had in months.

Practically running into the bedroom, he grasped the laptop in one hand and brought it back to the kitchen, opening the browser and searching for a simple spaghetti bolognese recipe.

And after a few attempts at making it- Chloe having asked to turn on the heat, Dan trying to put the pasta in without water and Phil trying to put the sauce in the water- they finally had an edible spaghetti bolognese, which was rather good if Phil did say so himself, the grated cheese on top something that the recipe didn't say but all made them groan in delight as it melted.

'Here's to a second chance.' Phil smiled gently, raising his glass in a toast. The others recited his words and they quickly returned back to their conversation on how they should treat cats. Dan didn't seem all that offended, to Phil's surprise, seemed to be enjoying it even. Phil had been treading around anything, well, Neko for months now and he'd only just realised that Dan was only going to get better if he accepted that he couldn't avoid the world and just talked about it. Enjoying talking about it too.

Chloe cleared up the plates and promised she'd actually wash them this time rather than just leave them on the counter and they were both proud of their efforts (although they still had to check them...and redo them).

When they went to bed, they were truly exhausted. Dan's hand started awkwardly cramping after all the typing, playing and drawing on the laptop and Chloe complained about walking too far, whilst Phil teased her that she was an athlete not lazy like him. Phil, he would admit, was just too mentally exhausted. The emotional wreck that was the day had left him with unbridled joy but the day's earlier emotions were beginning to catch up with him and he felt himself lapsing into periods of self-doubt and silence.

Dan was quick to pick up on his mood and they both left to go to bed, curling up under the covers in their T-shirt and shorts. They both lay there, watching the shadows curl and creak in the moonlight, both so close to drifting off but never managing to succumb to sleep. Within minutes, they were staring at each other, eye-on-eye, calculating and friendly.

Their limbs tangled subconsciously, Dan wrapping his body around Phil's, his arms tucked behind Phil's back, their chests pressed together. 'Sorry.' Dan whispered into the darkness. 'About all of this.' He elaborated. Phil wished for a moment that he could pretend he was asleep and not answer but the guilt seeped in and he couldn't allow Dan's self-guilt to wither him back to his former self.

'You shouldn't be.'

'But I've made you do so much. You lost everything for me and what did I do? Shut the door behind me and dwell in my own crappy thoughts.'

'Understandably so.'

'Doesn't feel like it.'

'It was. You were traumatised and we couldn't get you professional help. Technically, we're on the run. I don't even know how much they want us anymore, I'm scared to look.'

'So am I.'

'Well let's just be cowards together.'

'That sounds good.' Dan admitted, bringing himself tighter to Phil's chest, hearing the thump of his ear without his ear touching him at all, his nose picking up on scents that no human could detect, his eyes glazing over with unshed tears.

'I'm proud of you.' Phil voiced to the void, Dan's eyes shutting as sleep enraptured him in its embrace. 'You'll never believe how much.'


	33. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm making a new account and leaving this one behind. So, here's the ending of Midnight Eyes (some of it's in plot form)

Months passed and Dan’s artwork began to flood social media. Instagram blew up, tumblr pinged relentlessly and he found himself with an insurmountable amount of twitter followers. He wasn’t the height of the artistic community but he’d certainly garnered an audience- gossip articles curious as to who was behind the paintings.

But, of course, Dan never revealed himself. All the money was wired into Chloe’s bank account, going towards rent and such and a thank you for her generosity. As well as this, some of it came out in cash and was used for both Dan and Phil’s spending needs, to which there were few: a little food, a t-shirt every now and then.

His nickname, danisnotonfire, had been the beginning of it all. His first artwork, a neko in flames had brought the eyes of both neko-lovers and neko-haters. No one could quite find the true meaning- the Nekos should become extinct or that Nekos were actively suffering.

No one, for what is worth, seemed to suspect that it was a Neko himself that drew it. Nekos weren’t skilled creatures in the mind's eye, nevermind artists.

With the little money they kept for themselves, Dan and Phil bought proper art supplies- both digital and not- as commissions started coming in and Dan found himself with a steady, even if rather small, income- only a little less than Phil’s wages. For the first time in his life, he was close to being self-sufficient.

What started as mediocre soon became expert, months of dedicated practice paying off. Dan, despite his reclusive (albeit forced) nature, was not lazy. He was determined to do all he could do to improve. Even his down days, when darkness flooded his mind, he made sure to keep his website running, even if he couldn’t get any art out of his system, at least none that was of any worth in his mind.

It didn’t take long, after weeks of Phil’s hounding, that Dan admitted that yes, his father had painted so he was not entirely inexperienced. But, with little other skill, he still wanted to claim it as his own. He taught himself, not his father. His father had simply given him the inspiration to do it.

It was on a rainy day on the third month that Phil decided to change jobs, Dan’s income giving him the freedom to be unemployed for the meantime, Chloe gladly helping out financially whilst he got on his feet again. She truly was a godsend, even if she was slowly earning her money back. It was a dread to think that she’d be gone soon- her contract only lasted so long.

Phil was infinitely proud of Dan’s achievement and finally had the inspiration to do something himself. So, whilst on the search for a job in the city, he began a blog. Non-profit whilst it was small. Just a little blog of, well, randomness. Anything and everything that came to Phil’s mind, from cat jokes to sombre, meaningful messages to his small following- what must have only been ten people.

Then over the next few months, it grows not to be popular but to be followed- a few hundred people looking at it monthly, although only a selection of them coming regularly.

And, like a storm hitting them, it was time for Chloe to leave. It’s then, with no job in sight, that Phil makes his decision- planned and thought through over dozens of empty, silent nights of wakefulness.

Dan sat in the kitchen, stirring at a bowl of mix, looking at the porridge with a mix of distaste and disdain, barely noticing as Phil comes into the room, his face sullen and worried. It was only a room over that Chloe was packing up her stuff.

‘We’re going with her.’

‘What?’

‘We’re going to England.’ Dan just stares at him, eyes wide, milk now lapping at his fallen spoon.

‘What?’ Dan repeats, shaking his head.

‘We’re going to go to England. With Chloe.’

‘But how-’

‘I’ve thought it through and I have a plan. All that’s left to do is tell Chloe.’

‘You’ve been thinking about this?’ Dan asked curiously, looked worriedly over Phil’s haggard form, sleepless nights were catching up on his bright facade.

‘Yeah. I was thinking, well I looked it up but England is more accepting. There’s a few Nekos living with others, though they can’t lawfully live on there on. But that’s okay because you know…’ Phil trailed off, realising that maybe he was wrong, maybe Dan did want to live alone. Not that there was anywhere he could.

‘Yeah. After all this, we better stick together.’ Dan smiled and Phil found himself smiling too, eyes lost in each others.

‘So, what you guys talking about?’ Chloe swung into the room, holding the door by the frame, gleeful smile on her face. Despite having the leave the two boys behind, she’d been perky all day- both could see past the faux cheer but they applauded her for her attempts.

‘We were thinking of a little trip.’ Phil teased, leaning against the breakfast bar (and the only proper dining table), arms crossed with a smirk quirking his lips.

‘Really?! Where to?’ She asked, wide-eyed- she had no idea what kind of places a Neko was even allowed to get to.

‘Hmmm, we were thinking, maybe England? But we’re not sure yet, of course. I mean, I’ve prepared everything for it and all but who knows, maybe it might take a little persuading from a certain English girl.’

Chloe screamed, barreling towards Phil, wrapping her arms around his waist- her head barely reaching his chest. ‘Yes! Yes! Yes! You can meet all my friends back home, you’ll really like them. England, despite its prejudices, is much kinder towards Nekos. The laws are strict but your not going to be locked away anymore, Dan, I promise you that.’ She smiled but with a sudden shift of her body it fell. ‘But how are you going to get through the airport?’

‘I was thinking the exact same thing.’ Dan chimed in, staring at Phil intently.

Phil, under the scrutinous gaze of his flatmates, capitulated. ‘I may have bought some fake passports? I know, I know,’ he waved his hand frantically, ‘we’re probably going to be caught out but it’s the best idea I’ve got. This isn’t permanent here, I think it’s worth the risk.’ Dan’s eyebrows furrowed, ideas spinning in his mind, his face suddenly stern.

He nodded. ‘Okay. I think we should.’ Phil lit up like a lightbulb, gleefully cheering before rattling off what they would and wouldn’t take with them and discussing options for when they were in England. With fake passports, they could try and seek asylum or they could stay with Chloe. With such fear of being taken, Phil settled on the latter - at least, for the moment.

‘Um, Phil?’ Dan piped up, when Phil dug out the passport he’d bought for far too much money. Phil looked up, eyebrows furrowing in question. ‘Why the hell is my name fucking Daniel Inignis? What kind of name is that?’ Phil just smiled to himself, willing to spill at least some information on the name. ‘Well,’ he began, ‘you know that incident with the toaster where you were on fire and you said you weren’t?’ Dan nodded reluctantly. ‘I thought Dan is not on fire was appropriate.’

Dan just looked confused. ‘What does that have to do with the name?’

‘Well...I saw searching for fire in different languages and thought the Latin was quite cool but we couldn’t have Dan fire so I made it negative by adding an in. Therefore, Inignis.’ Dan groaned, sliding a sloppy, tired hand down his face.

‘That’s awful.’ He sighed, staring at the picture on the passport. ‘And where did you even get this photo?’

Phil shrugged. ‘I sent the guy and photo and he edited it onto a passport photo.’

‘God, how much did this cost you?’ At Phil’s guilty demeanor, Dan glowered. ‘Phil, how much did you spend?’

‘A lot, okay?! But, I want to do this, Dan. For you. For both of us. So, I can spend a little money on this.’ Dan sighed, pity framing his face and Phil suddenly the urge to turn away. Is that how Dan had felt? Pitied and judged.

‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ Dan asked. ‘I’m not trying to persuade you because I don’t but...you can’t just do everything for me all the time. It’s not fair.’

‘I know.’ Phil replied exasperatedly. ‘I do, though. I’ve always wanted to see England. And with the Neko laws varying, the place is really starting to grow on me. Just think, once we get there, you can get back to selling the art and we’ll break even in no time.’ Dan rolled his eyes but smiled gently. ‘Thanks.’ He muttered. ‘For doing all of this.’ Phil beamed back at him.

‘It’s not a problem at all.’

-

They bundled into the car, shivering despite the beating heat of the harsh sun outside. Chloe was in the driver seat, fussing about their suitcases being in the way of the back window, making sure they had all of their seatbelts fastened before she began to drive- at some point Dan was sure she was just being facetious. His nerves, ever present, forced him into a trembling mess. For all that had been going well in his life, this suddenly felt like a step too soon, a step too dangerous.

Phil, small smile forced onto his thinned lips, grasped Dan’s hand in his and squeezed. The silent reassurance was enough for Dan’s breaths to even out and despite his trembling skin, he grasped onto Phil like he would be his saviour.

Time passed like a bullet and before Dan knew it, they’d parked the car - which would later be picked up by a second hand car agency for selling - gotten out and walked into the busy terminal. The airport was brimming with panicked passengers, flickering gazes staring warily at Dan’s baseball cap like he was some sort of criminal trying to hide his face.

It took Dan only a moment to realise that was _exactly_ what he was.

By no fault of his own, he would add but the bubbling, self-induced guilt hit like a tonne of bricks. Phil all but dragged him to check in, the woman at the desk scanning the passports and finding no mistakes, albeit that the checks at this stage were loose and uncaring, Phil was fairly certain the woman hadn’t even checked anything but a matching photo to face.

Next step, security. Chloe, smiling and bouncing in excitement to return home, led the way. Dan felt on fire at this point, whole body trembles paralysing him, Phil’s sweaty hand the only alleviation he had of the pain. Entering the security area seemed the easy part, the queuing hardly bad at all. Then, like a nightmare turned to reality, ‘sir, do you give me your permission to pat you down?’ Dan nodded out of sheer terror, wide-eyes trained on Phil’s panicked huddle, Chloe giggling naively in the corner at how he had been caught out for no reason - not a metal piece on his body.

As soon as the man’s hands were on him, he knew he could not move, the flickers of short jabs at the areas were he was supposedly smuggling something like knives. His body was alight with the ardor to move but frozen, inundated by the sheer nostalgia of it all - if nostalgia could be classified as the memory of pain too.

By the time he was free, he still could not bring himself to move, eyes wide. The man was talking to him now, he couldn’t hear a word. ‘Sir? Sir? Are you alright, sir?’ Dan’s eyes flickered to where his hat lay in the tray, feeling the points of his ears rising from out his hair. In his panic, he didn’t have the control to push them back down.

Dan didn’t notice anything even when Phil bounded up to them, apologising profusely about a ‘condition’ Dan had that often ‘immobilised’ him. ‘It’s just a phase, it passes quickly. I’ll look after him.’ Phil assured, carefully maneuvering Dan away, forcing the cap onto Dan’s head as the black points of his ears flickering from beneath his hair.

‘You okay?’ Phil asked sincerely, leaning down to examine Dan for any lasting effects.

‘Yeah. Just...scared.’ Phil nodded understandingly and led them over to Chloe, whose face had now turned to worry at the sight of a pale looking Dan.

‘Are you okay?’ Dan already felt sick of the question. He nodded and quickly led them through the shops and into the waiting area, scouring the place for the largest group of empty seats, removing himself from the crowd. Chloe was quick to offer him her headphones, which he gladfully took and plugged into his cheap - probably from 2003 - mp3 player. The music slowly pulled him from his disquiet attitude but didn’t persuade him into conversation. Phil seemed happy enough to talk to Chloe, mostly about what it was like in England, though Dan couldn’t help but notice the surreptitious glances Phil planted his way.

Dan ignored them with the petulance of the child, staring grimly at his mp3 player like he could do anything on it other than listen to music and play the odd round of snake, to which he still didn’t quite understand the mechanics of.

‘Will flight 40895 to Gatwick please go to gate 15 for boarding.’ They froze, panic finally taking over. This was the last stop, the hard bit, really. When they got into England, passport checks were going to be a bother but Phil was in hope that they could try and stay under a pretence of past violence towards Dan - whether they had to reveal he was a Neko or not. Sure, it would get them involved with the police was Phil saw no other option.

There was still a chance that they wouldn’t be caught; they all knew it was next to nothing.

~The woman at security finds out who they are but lets them through anyway, she doesn’t believe that Nekos should be kept in zoos. They have nothing with them but some personal belongings. They’re beginning afresh. They’re okay and it’s all because of luck. Or maybe dan deserves a brighter future.

~another year later. It’s them on YouTube, doing PINOF 1. They’re really excited and it goes viral- Phan. And then someone points out that dan always wears a hat and controversy spreads. Nekos are not taken in England but there is still prejudice. Very few live in England as they are not based there and many struggle to get there. Because of the lack of them, people are afraid.

~they do another few videos but the talk of dan becomes too much and their relationship. Dan reveals his identity and people are amazing about it and he’s so happy. He loses a lot of audiences abroad but he doesn’t care. He’s still troubled about Phil and his relationship. He’s never thought about it before. He realised that maybe he does feel more than friendship.

~Dan and Phil stop talking because it’s awkward. They continue to make videos but people are worried about them, people are seeing through the facade.

~They finally speak and end up sharing a kiss. They agree to start a relationship and see what happens.

~Epilogue: PINOF 10


End file.
